Wants and Needs

I really don’t want to go first! My gremlin is “I can’t do it right.” It causes me to freeze up with inaction. It might have its roots in the way I was raised and I can still remember in first or second grade following the instructions to color everything on Santa. Well, I didn’t have a white crayon so I colored his beard yellow which got me into a lot of trouble. The fear of not doing it right shouldn’t be a problem. I spent about 9 years in computer programming and system analysis. It was a small depart but I was #1 at working with users and figuring out the stupid reasons why a computer program didn’t work properly. In fact, I got the promotion into the dept in the first place because a senior exec threw a problem on my desk and said maybe I could figure it out when no one else could. I didn’t realize he wasn’t serious and set to solving the problem.
I usually waste time and procrastinate when I’m afraid I can’t do it right. I have to calm myself, focus and take baby steps to get started. This stress sometimes results in nightmares that I can’t find my classroom, missed the plane, forgot to show up, etc.
As a self-employed person I have to do it right. I frequently make decisions between worse and worser. Recently I had to drive a rental truck to Ohio to sell my wares. A friend, also in the business, agreed to ride with me but doubted my ability to drive a “big truck”. I was pretty ticked when she said her husband worried about my ability to drive narrow, twisty roads thru VT before we got on the interstate. I did have worries about getting tired on the long drive but not about crashing into trees. I also had worries about my physical stamina to do it all including loading the truck afterward but I found a couple of young guys willing to do grunt work to earn extra money. It’s real easy to think about how much easier it would be to work for someone else instead of being plagued by doubts.

Sometimes my gremlin sneaks up on me and it takes a bit to recognize it. My gremlin says – “Woman, are you crazy? People are not interested in what YOU have to say.” Of course, having coached with Jane, I now have tools to deal with the gremlin(s)!!

I have a situation where I have an opportunity to speak locally which would be beneficial for me to meet people in the community for some of my work. What I am noticing is that I am not feeling drawn toward this and it doesn’t feel like a gremlin. Rather, it feels like it doesn’t resonate because I am not able to connect to a sense that the value might not be there fully yet for others because I am learning and do not have material established. I’d love your thoughts on this, Jane!

My gremlins are in the form of “paper” on my desk. I had a bad habit of evaluating a project that perhaps didn’t have a hard deadline, then move it aside for “later”. I had to start listening to ME and adding ME to the equation and not let my willingness to do for others overshadow my career goals. Decide what you want and WHO YOU WANT TO BE, then do the work.

With Jane’s counsel I have done some work on myself and my goals and found some answers that will lead to opportunity, In addition my calendar has become more friendly now that I “enforce” deadlines on myself. I mark my book for follow up and for deadlines and reward myself when I stick to it. It’s a slow habit to develop, but it’s a process I highly recommend.

Thank you Jane!

Dear Jane-

Your newsletter couldn’t have shown up in my inbox at a better time!

I recently won a full scholarship to an intensive month-long coaching program with one of the most respected and talented internet marketers in business today. He is known as the “guru to the gurus.” The value of this scholarship is easily in the 10s of thousands of dollars.

Did I say intensive? Make that all caps, bright red, with three exclamation points! He is taking a select group of students places where most of us have never been before. I have learned more in the past 5 days about running a successful business than in all of my college years combined (I was a business minor and started a grad program in nonprofit management).

Last night, after a packed day of video seminars, 4-hour long Q&A sessions, and lots of networking in the chatrooms (this is an entirely virtual experience) I was mentally exhausted, which is the perfect environment for my gremlins to flourish.

They came out in force last night. Who do I think I am?! I’m not up to “their” standards. These people are way smarter, more talented, prettier (fill in your favorite adjective) than I am. On and on they went, ad nauseum. I finally just went to bed because I wasn’t getting any work done and sometimes the only antidote is sleep.

I woke up to a beautifully warm, sunny fall day. After I dressed, took my dog for a walk, and prepared my favorite morning beverage – a homemade version of an iced mocha latte – I was ready to get back to work. After about an hour at my computer, it dawned on me that those niggling little voices that were stirring up such a fuss the night before were now silent in the light of day. Rest, a good airing out, and deliberate action can do wonders for my self-confidence.

I was even able to share with one of my study partners later in the day my experience from the night before. (She’s the smart, beautiful one I was comparing myself to.) She assured me that we all – especially women – have those self-doubts sometimes and shared with me some of hers. We ended our conversation better friends than when we started.

This evening, after taking several hours off to enjoy the day, I was back at my computer. I opened the e-mail from you on a whim, and received yet another reinforcing message that I am not in this alone.

So thank you for naming your own gremlins, Jane, and for being confident enough in yourself to talk about your own insecurities. After all, we’re only human, right?