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“When I have enough confidence, I’ll ________________________.” You fill in the blank. Part of coaching is finding out what’s in the blank. If you had the confidence, what would you do? What call would you make? Whose door would you knock on?
Answering these questions frees up my clients to dream big because they usually stop themselves before they even get off the starting block. What they don’t suspect (hee hee) is that they’re going to get a little push from a loving and believing mentor.
What I know about confidence is that it ebbs and flows based on how much flexing and nourishment it gets. Every time you take an action that requires confidence, the muscle grows. Afraid to pick up the phone to call for a referral? Would you rather watch the election replays than go to that networking event you signed up for? Do it anyway and notice your confidence level. Regardless of the outcome on the other end, what you’ll want to notice and acknowledge yourself for is that you “acted as if” which is a key ingredient to success.
Self-esteem and self-confidence are increased with each esteemable action you take. “Do it scared!” reads a sign in front of my friend’s computer which reminds that confidence is a day at a time undertaking.
My daughter, recently returned home after living in Japan for four years, was inspired by reading the line, “Do one things a day that scares you.” That’s where this whole issue of confidence came up. So, I actually wrote this entry for her.
A funny thing happens in my business. Every so often a client who left a session totally energized, on fire to reach her goals and thriving in her newfound commitment to her own success, will approach me a week or two later a bit downtrodden.
“My husband thinks that looking at office space in xyz town will change our lives too much.”
“My sister-in-law told me she thought it was too high-stakes for me to invite the press to my art opening.”
“My mentor says I’m paying the graphic designer too much for my new logo.”
Thanks for sharing, Folks.
In my Create Your Own Future workshops and retreats, and with coaching clients as well, I include a proviso: Be careful who you share your dreams with. Often and surprisingly, the very people we think would be the most supportive are the ones who may subtly sabotage the dream. They don’t do it intentionally.
However, when you’re on your path, working towards your vision, the status quo is going to get rocked. Family members and close friends may not want to have that altered. The way they create “Don’t Change!” will look different in each case. But the effect on you, the visionary, can be devastating.
The solution? Share your go-up goals, as Zig Ziglar calls them, only with those on an equally committed path to success–your goal buddies, Mastermind Group colleagues, coach and business allies. The others? When they ask about what you’re working on, just smile and say, “You’ll see…”
