After an extraordinary dinner sponsored by the Founder, Publisher and VP of Boardroom, I chatted with Marjory Abrams (the publisher) and invited her to my next Remarkable Women’s Networking event. She attended one last spring and really enjoyed it. “I’ll have to check,” she told me. “I schedule myself out only one night a week away from the kids.”
I was touched and impressed by the simplicity of the boundary Margie has set for herself to maintain balance in her work/home life. It’s a clear target, easily attained, and allows her to make decisions based on her valued priority.
Her comment came on the heels of hearing another definition of balance I’d never heard before. I was whining (I admit. I do this on occasion…) to my friend Doreen about a speaking gig I felt like I was chasing down. I’ve called a bunch, sent emails, followed up with the thread of referrals and NOTHING is happening. I told her I was ready to let it go, even though I’d been pursuing it for several months. It feels like an unbalanced relationship creating this sense of unease in me. I was done.
She shared a quote from a Native American associate of hers. Her friend said that their definition of balance is “Don’t push and don’t hold back.” I’m ready to give it my all, but will cease the pushing until the other party comes forward. Now, that feels more balanced.
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October 25, 2009 at 8:13 am
Patti Kekelik-Terpstra
Love this motto “Don’t push and don’t hold back.” Wonder how I can achieve it?
October 25, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Catherine Avery
Good for you, Jane! And Patti, I love this motto too. Much like Marjory, I schedule no more than two nights per week away from my daughter and husband and preferably only one. Another night, DH and I go out for date night–an equally important boundary in my book! It is very tough to hold to two nights with so many great invitations to meet so many wonderful women, but…the first four and a half years of our daughter’s life have flown. I can’t imagine how quickly she will be off to college!
I’ve struggled with this balance issue with blogging, when I was told at a conference to blog every day. My response was I am a professional Interior Designer not a professional blogger. My blogs are often filled with pictures and information. They take quite a bit of research and time to write. I committed to blog three times a week. Most weeks, I write two and for me, for now, that feels balanced.
October 26, 2009 at 3:59 pm
janepollak
@Patti
Practice! Notice when you’re doing either and see if you can reverse it–let go and give it your all–as required.
@Catherine
Sounds like you’ve given this a lot of thought and attention and have achieved balance with your daughter and husband. It’s a moving target, this balance thing. Awareness is key. Thanks for sharing what works for you.
October 27, 2009 at 11:08 am
Jessica Bram
What I love about that is that I am always looking for new ways to say a gracious “no.” “I wish I could but …” works well for me, but I love her “I only allow myself” statement. It suggest that her policy is a fait accompli, and not subect to renegotiation if the invitation is compelling enough. That allows the inviter not to take a “no” personally. Thank you for sharing this.