One of the most talented women I know, and I know tons of very talented women, sent me an email after attending my Remarkable Women Network event in Darien last week.
She wrote: I dragged myself to the event feeling like there were 29 remarkable women and me, but the positive energy charged me up and gave me the strength to start creating myself again.
My hunch is that not one other woman even remotely suspected that this participant felt that way, and that one or two of the others actually harbored the same sentiment. What’s a woman to do?!
I know this is a syndrome in our society. I’m sad that all of these enormously capable, brilliant and contributing women have such monstrous gremlins on their backs dragging them down, sometimes to the point of paralysis. I’m so glad this woman did whatever it took to pep-talk herself into showing up. That’s the big lesson here. That if your self-talk is just a tad stronger than those negative voices, the rewards are incomparable.
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February 4, 2010 at 10:19 am
Jennifer
I can totally relate to this woman and sadly, Jane, I see so much of it as well. As women, we are continually told we are not good enough at this or that, and eventually you believe it. What I do to pull myself out of this is to remember that we are all blessed with gifts and talents. Are they exactly like the woman next to me at a party? No. But that’s what makes it so great. If we were all the same, what’d be the point?
February 4, 2010 at 11:41 am
Gilda Bonanno
Jane,
One of the ways I face my gremlin (which I call the “Joy-Sucker” because it sucks the joy out of life) is to use a positive mantra. Rather than thinking negative thoughts before I enter a room or begin to speak, like “no one here will want to meet you” or “who do you think you are?” I repeat my positive mantra as a means of boosting my confidence and focusing on other people in a positive way.
I teach this technique to people who are anxious about speaking in public or about networking and encourage them to find a mantra that is personally meaningful and believable. It could be a song title (Aretha Franklin’s “RESPECT” comes to mind), a line from a poem or anything that makes them feel powerful and confident. And it takes practice to make it strong enough to drown out the negative, “Joy-Sucker” voice in their heads that undermines their confidence and makes them less able to share their knowledge and experience with others.
My personal favorite is “You go, girl!” (accompanied by a mental fist in the air).
regards,
Gilda
February 4, 2010 at 2:04 pm
Louise Lague
When the gremlins hit…lethargy. SADD, discouragement, I have a three-C cure:
1. Connect: Call somebody. make a date, get out.
2. Clean: a drawer, a closet,. a room…it puts order on chaos.
3: A piece of writing, or clothing or a piece of jewelry.
Works every time!
February 4, 2010 at 3:31 pm
Rita Burke
Jane – we all experience ups and downs particularly if we are in our own businesses. My advice is: Don’t ignore that negative nagging voice in your head – answer back! When we think “I can’t …,” “I’ve never…”, “I don’t…” answer back out loud – “I can”, “I’ll try”, “I will”. If we let negative thoughts gain root they grow and can strangle us and drag us down.
If we answer back every time with positive thoughts we sit up straighter, walk taller and replace doubt with confidence and positive energy. I know we all have a bit of that sassy, talking back girl in us they tried to tame when we were 12!
February 5, 2010 at 8:28 am
janepollak
@Jennifer
Good point about us all being different and celebrating that. I’ve often wondered what it would be like if everyone were like me. BORING!!!
@Louise
Love these! I missed the third “c”. I’m guessing it’s create, right? I always appreciate a formula for success.
@Rita
Bring on that sassy girl! Love it! Great tip. Thank you!
February 5, 2010 at 1:25 pm
Louise Lague
Create! That’s it! Duh.
February 6, 2010 at 3:59 pm
Gigi Goldman
To beat the doldrums I do several things: meditate on positive things…especially if I wake up in the middle of the night, exercise, reduce/eliminate any caffeine and alcohol intake, review the facts, make comprehensive to-do lists and work through them… even mechanically if I have to, and most importantly I reach out to those I love and we share our thoughts.
February 8, 2010 at 12:01 pm
janepollak
@Gigi
These are great tactical strategies, especially the “mechanically if I have to”. I’ve heard the phrase: act yourself into right actions. I’ve tried it, and it works. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.