…a coaching certification program I was enrolled in. This is highly unusual behavior for me. I want to share my process.
I don’t need to mention the name of the organization because this is not about them. Many other students in the program are satisfied. It’s about me, how I value my time and the work that I’m doing.
The class met regularly by phone from 12:30-2:30pm every Wednesday. Classmates called in from California to Denmark. We’ve been together since October and the others will continue the process into July. But I wasn’t feeling a sense of connectedness with the material or the other participants. I wasn’t inspired or motivated by the weekly documents I downloaded from the digital library. I began to resent not being able to schedule anything on Wednesdays during that time period. I noticed how my body was responding to the notebooks on my desk and anything related to the program.
One of the key learnings I received during the in-person training for this discipline, which I adored, is that the body is the midwife to the mind. Feelings in our bodies (we shouldn’t ignore) will show up before words have formulated around them in our brains. We need to trust these.
Although I had a satisfying conversation with the founder of the program about my complaints (which she took to heart), the bottom line was that it didn’t work for me. And that’s enough to know. Speaking with her and then letting my classmates know was challenging. This is the grown-up stuff of life and business that confronts us regularly. How we move through it is a measure of our maturity and the willingness to be humble and teachable.
I’m feeling a little more mature, definitely humbled and also free of what felt like an obligation.
18 comments
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February 8, 2010 at 10:54 pm
Olga Adler
Hi Jane,
It means a lot coming from you. I have similar feelings about many “commitments” that feel right at first and then become a drag as you explore them deeper. Being able to say “I quit” is great – it took me years to master that skill both in my professional and private life and even now it is hard sometimes. And knowing how to read your body’s reactions is so critical. Thank you so much for this post.
February 8, 2010 at 11:04 pm
scarlettnewyork
Good for you Jane!!!
I think there is nothing better than knowing when to let go and/or move forward, and then feel a great sense of relief and freedom from making that move.
Wishing you a fabulous, snowy, Wednesday.
February 9, 2010 at 8:01 am
janepollak
@Olga
You’re welcome. I agree, it’s a tough road, but in the end, it makes all the sense in the world to stop what isn’t working.
@Scarlett
Amen to the relief!
February 10, 2010 at 1:44 am
@LenaWest
Rock on, Jane.
Between late last year and the beginning of this year, I resigned from a mastermind group, a non-profit Board, a co-authored blog project and a book deal that I thought was the best thing since sliced bread (turns out it wasn’t).
It takes courage to do the hard stuff and be authentic, but without execution in our day-to-day lives of that courage, we’re all just pretending — and that gets old real quick.
February 10, 2010 at 8:55 am
janepollak
@Lena
Funny. No one really talks about these important acts of courage. Congrats to you for taking those leaps of faith. Thank you for letting us know.
February 10, 2010 at 10:10 am
Julie
Good for you, Jane! As entreprenuers, we are in control of our time (as opposed to a boss controling our time) and therefore must guard it fiercely and use it productively.
The first page I see when I open my Notebook says, “DO MORE OF WHAT IS WORKING.” It’s a quote from Jack Canfield’s book “The Success Principles.”
The full quote says, “Do more of what is working, less of what isn’t, and try on new behaviors to see if they produce better results.”
February 10, 2010 at 10:13 am
janepollak
@Julie
Great addition to these supportive comments. Thank you!
February 10, 2010 at 6:37 pm
Janet
It does take courage to challenge our “shoulds”, listen to our inner voice, and give ourselves permission to and do what is in our highest and best good at any given moment, even if it changes direction mid-stream. Good for you, Jane!
February 12, 2010 at 9:59 am
janepollak
@Janet
Thank you! I know how well you think out all your decisions, so appreciate your nod on this.
February 18, 2010 at 10:02 am
Beva
You are an inspiration to all who know you and your continued growth and willingness to share what you are learning is such a gift. I want to offer an expanded thought on your post – perhaps just a reframe of “quitting.” The experience you shared suggests that you re-evaluated a commitment because it was not working for you – and you decided to change directions, not quit. If you had quit, then you would have given up on your quest for living an authentic life, not listened to what your body was telling you, and remained in a situation that was not working for you. A little bit of a paradox?!
February 18, 2010 at 10:32 am
Prill Boyle
Hi Jane! Couldn’t agree more. Life is precious, not to be squandered. Every day counts. Every breath. Trite phrases, I know. But as anyone on the cusp of death understands, these aren’t just words. No one gives us an instruction book when we’re born. Our bodies and our hearts are the only compasses we’ve got. They’re our first responders, letting us know if we’re on track or not. Bravo for bravely listening to yours! –Prill
February 18, 2010 at 11:19 am
janepollak
@Beva
Thank you for this perspective. It’s a great re-frame and positive way of holding my actions.
@Prill
I love ‘first responders!’ It gives our physical reactions the attention they deserve. “Listen to me, Head! This is your body speaking, and I don’t like this!” Where are the EMT’s?! Thanks for your comment.
February 18, 2010 at 12:01 pm
Linda Varone
Thanks for a great message. It is all to easy to follow where our heads tell us is the “smart” way. Checking in with yourself and let your heart (or gut in my case) lead the way.
February 18, 2010 at 12:20 pm
Brooke Feder
Congratulations Jane! A very wise business coach I worked with (ahem, ahem), taught me an incredible lesson, and did so with my closet of all places! The lesson is that when you clear out the things in your life that aren’t working optimally or making you fully happy, that you effectively create space that will inevitably be filled by those things, events and people that make you tremendously happy, successful, energized and vibrant. Thank you for a wonderful life lesson, and for listening to your own sage counsel.
Brooke
February 18, 2010 at 12:41 pm
Jennifer Covello
Hi Jane,
Thank you so much for this posting. After being laid off, I got involved in so many groups since I had “so much time” on my hands. It has taken me a while to realize that “doing” is not “being”. Recognizing that ‘being’ rather than ‘doing[‘ is closer to authenticity has helped me make some tough choices about how I spend my time and with whom. Plus it feels great to say ‘no’!
February 18, 2010 at 11:18 pm
Linda De Leon
You were wise to follow your intuition which resides in the body as well as the mind! As an Alexander Teacher, I am frequently seeing students who must learn to sense the conflict when it occurs as you so wisely did. What you did takes a high degree of self-knowledge and honesty as many sometimes people have been known to quit for the wrong reasons and later regretted their actions. Bravo Jane! Linda Anne De Leon
February 20, 2010 at 12:07 pm
Wendy
Jane, I loved this post…..I am learning more and more as I grow older, and lean towards things that I love, that my body/heart is always telling me what to do. When I follow this, life is so much better, and I am happier.
The conflict often comes when, like you had, it is a business issue or something that you feel you “should” be doing.
It takes a lot of courage to quit…but it shows a strong heart.
I also think a lot of what women do in business is done better when we are authentic and it seems like this is what you were sensing – that it wasn’t who you were and you couldn’t connect in a positive way.
It’s reassuring to know we are always learning.
Thank you, Jane.
February 21, 2010 at 8:55 pm
janepollak
@Wendy
Thanks for mentioning the “should” word. We ‘good girls’ are so prone to acting out of obligation rather than passion or authenticity. I’m at the point in my life and career that that no longer holds any attraction for me.