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When I teach the marketing module in my Soul Proprietor’s Formula for Building Your Business, I begin with a conversation I once had with my good friend and illustrator, Maggie Swanson. We walked regularly when we lived in the same neighborhood and shared frequently what was going on in our art/business lives. It dawned on me after knowing Maggie for awhile that she NEVER told me her professional accomplishments like getting called to do the cover art for Sesame Street Magazine or that she’d been commissioned to illustrate a series of Golden Books.
I, on the other hand, bragged about every opportunity that crossed my threshold. After I’d seen yet another amazing project she’d be working on in her studio, I finally said something. “Maggie, how come you never even mention all the cool things you’ve got coming in the door?”
She told me that when she was growing up, if she looked in the mirror admiringly as she passed one by, her mother would say, “Maggie, S-P-S.” I had no idea what that stood for. She explained, “Self-Praise Stinks.” Ouch!
Imagine my delight when Maggie and I were walking at Compo Beach last week and she shared a recent thrill. Here’s how she told it:
When my new book “Lucky Cat Paper Dolls” was published, I was so happy that I forgot one of my mother’s precepts, “SPS.” This has also encompassed self-promotion for me.
I sent a copy of the book to Jackson Galaxy, a cat behaviorist with a very entertaining show, “My Cat From Hell” on the Animal Planet network. Within a few days I got a lovely handwritten thank you note from him. Then I emailed the Modern Cat blog and sent a link to the book on amazon.com. I got an email back from the owner Kate Benjamin [which said] “Perfect timing! I was just with Jackson Galaxy yesterday and I saw your book and wrote down your name so I could remember it! Thanks for the link!
Today I was surprised to be featured on the blog!
This is how it works. Maggie felt a connection to someone aligned with her mission, reached out in an appropriate manner, and continued to act on intuition and inspiration. The results tell the tale of authentic networking–heartfelt and successful.
Although I had never heard of Kevin Hart before last week, I was riveted by his podcast interview with Marc Maron which I had recently downloaded. My daughter Laura has been listening to Maron’s podcasts for a couple of years and had raved about the depth of those conversations with comedians.
Besides laughing out loud and learning who Kevin Hart is, two things stood out for me during their hour-long session. Kevin hit the big time in his early 20′s, only to be hurtled back to earth in a devastating way after his youthful success. His story of re-creation is as formidable as it was tactical.
He didn’t give up.
He went back to performing in small houses (after filling a stadium at one point in his early career). After each performance, he and an assistant gathered the names and email addresses of every member of the audience. They manually entered those names into a database noting the venue at which he had performed. They diligently tracked every performance that way, and when Kevin would return to a Cleveland or a Hoboken, they would use email and later social media to contact EACH of those attendees to let them personally know that Kevin would be appearing again and invite them to the show.
How would YOU feel if you got that kind of attention from a performer who you enjoyed seeing?
As he built up his store of email addresses, he created an enormous constituency who then became devoted followers when he transitioned to twitter, MySpace and Facebook to announce his performances. He relies on social media now and the viral effect to sell out his shows, which he does regularly.
Once again, I see evidence that there is no silver bullet and no shortcut to success. Kevin Hart not only makes me laugh, his dedication to his business makes me smile too.
Like this:
My Immunity to Change Column 3 Study Group
I’m currently attending a fascinating and worthwhile program called Immunity to Change being held at the Harvard Faculty Club in Cambridge. Today was Day 2 of a 3-day workshop for facilitators, and facilitated by the creators and authors of ITC as it is called within this community. There are 40 of us here from the US and abroad–Canada, France, plus California, Minnesota, New York, Massachusetts, etc. This number works out well for the different breakout sessions that are a part of the design.
You can read all about ITC and what it sets out to achieve by buying their book. What you can’t know without attending a class like this is how brilliantly designed the execution of the three days has been.
I want to focus on a few particular delights in this posting. There have been many cool structures that Leahy/Kegan have introduced me to. The model for taking someone through ITC is composed of five segments, each requiring study to understand its execution. I was assigned Column 3 (which means nothing out of context, but it’s the way we were divided up that has merit) as the segment I needed to become knowledgable in. Seven others also received that assignment. Similarly, 8 folks had Column 2, 8 had Column 4, etc. First we got to study the material individually. Then the eight of us assigned to Column 3 got together to brainstorm and discuss how we might present our piece. The other groups did the same thing with their peers. That was yesterday.
Today we got into eight groups of five with each of the segments being facilitated now by us newly educated ‘experts.’ You can see what a well-designed learning tool this was. We got to review the materials with others studying the same piece, then deliver it to the rest of the team who had each similarly studied their pieces in a peer situation. There was so much reinforcement and safety built into the learning that made it fun, useful and supportive.
In addition to these larger group activities, we divided into partnerships of two several times to work through segments. With each pairing there’s always the decision of who goes first. In yesterday’s twosome, the one whose birthday was closest went first. Then the one with the fewer siblings. Very creative ways to get us started. This creativity kept what could have been an increasingly serious atmosphere light and lively.
This afternoon our instructor said, “Whoever has the longest hair goes first in your group.” A ripple of laughter started at one table until the room was in hysterics. Take a look at why.
Joan Cavanaugh - 75 today!
One of the first women I met when I joined EWN 20 years ago was a powerhouse business owner named Joan Cavanaugh. At the time, she owned a publishing company called W.J. Fantasy, Inc. which produced fine paper products–Advent Calendars, Games, Books, etc. illustrated by famous artists like Tomie dePaola. She was clearly a mover and shaker, and I liked her immediately. So much so that within a few months of meeting each other, she became my first recruit for my own Mastermind Group which has been operating continuously for two decades. I’ve watched Joan grow and sell W.J. Fantasy, move into voiceover work, and now teach corporate executives, women in particular, the extraordinary advantages of playing golf as a business-building tool.
You can read more about Joan’s rich history in her bio. She’s currently a client of mine, so I have a ringside seat to observe her formidable talents and vision. Joan WILL tilt the Universe with her dynamic approach to business and life. She’s writing a book, lecturing at universities and in the Boardroom teaching and modeling the advantages this sport provides for leveling the playing field.
I’ve watched Joan in action over the years. Whatever she takes on, she is 100% committed to its success. She is truly unstoppable, and anyone around her is sure to get swept up in her enthusiasm, spirit and business savvy. She works with students at the High School of Art & Design and brings them on board to help her with marketing. Joan recently hand-delivered chocolate golf balls to industry leaders with whom she’d like to network.
I knew that today was her birthday, but had never asked what number she’s celebrating. When she said “75″ I almost fell over. I love having a role model who is as enthusiastic, smart, energized and on track as Joan Cavanaugh. If you are looking for some inspiration during a dry spell, visit Joan’s site and take heart. There is no finish line as an entrepreneur. Joan is as excited about life and business today as when I met her back in the early 90′s.
Happy Birthday, Joan!
Lynn Robinson at the Enterprising Women conference in Hyannis, MA
The Enterprising Women conference I spoke at on Wednesday was inspiring from the get-go. Lynn Robinson, pictured here, was the opening keynote speaker. She addressed the topic of using intuition in business in a way that underscored every belief I’ve ever had and put an exclamation point on it.
Lynn’s talk, Trusting Your Gut–How the Power of Intuition Can Grow Your Business, took the audience through the paces of opening up to and trusting what she calls your ‘inner consultant’–your intuition. The steps Lynn talked about, with memorable stories to illustrate each point (buy her book!) include:
- Setting intentions
- Focusing on the WHAT, not the HOW
- Catching negative thoughts
- Practicing positive self-talk
- Asking your intuition
The most important thing I heard Lynn say was this: that just because we are intuitive and are guided by signs from within, that doesn’t mean that we automatically move from success to success. There may be long periods of drought, indecision, difficulty and disappointment in the process. But ultimately, if you are being guided by your inner knowing, your intuition will not fail you.
I had the good fortune to have dinner with Lynn the night before the event. We’re good pals from our NSA-New England Chapter days, and this was a perfect opportunity to re-connect and catch up. I got a preview of some of her stories and want to share one that was the most incredible and delicious. You’ll see what I mean.
Lynn had been chewing on a particularly difficult challenge in her business and was at her wits’ end. (You can read a more in-depth version here.) Although not a Christian, the phrase kept coming to her, “I want to see the hand of God. I want to see the hand of God on my life.” Over and over, those same words. She was sobbing, wracked with pain over this turning point in her career and didn’t know where to look next. She was looking for reassurance from on high to stay the course.
Her loving husband valiantly stepped in to comfort her. He knew that ice cream often did the trick and offered to take her for a sundae. Lynn kept crying and repeating her desire to see the hand of God on her life, even as they drove to the ice cream parlor. “I just want to see God’s hand on my life.”
She ordered her sundae, wiped away her tears when it arrived, and noticed her sign. There it was, quite creatively writ on a scoop of vanilla ice cream. She continued on the course she was on and never looked back. How sweet is that?
I received a straightforward email recently from a long-time subscriber who clearly stated that she ‘cannot stand’ my recent email marketing campaigns; that she will stay on my list only if I go back to my old way of coaching. I politely invited her to select which mailings she might like to continue receiving, for example just my e-newsletters and not my joint venture offers or announcements of my speaking engagements.
Interestingly, I’ve recently observed a sharp upswing in calls from the opposite camp requesting my services mainly because they admire what I’m doing online.
Anyone with an email address understands that business owners are using this form of communication frequently and strategically. I personally unsubscribed from over 200 lists at the end of last year. But I deliberately remained subscribed to some competitors whose multiple blasts may feel at times intrusive, but are also highly instructive. Hitting the delete key is worth the price of seeing what the competition is up to, where they’re showing up, what they’re offering and how they’re offering it. It’s a bit of a free education from the sidelines. I’m taking full advantage.
What bothered me about the email I had received was the intention it conveyed: Don’t grow, Jane. Don’t change. I liked you the way you were. Please stay that way and I will continue to be a fan.
This subscriber might have put it this way instead: “I’m really inundated with emails these days, and I’ve noticed an increase in your distribution. Is there any way I might stay in touch and not have quite the deluge?” I understand that some folks may not like the changes that I’ve made in order to grow my company. That’s okay. I’ve known for a long time that I can’t please everyone. I am willing and eager to meet your needs, but be aware of your own motivation and impact as you navigate these murky cyber-waters.
Personally, I know that what I say to others is a 100% reflection of where I am in my life at that time. It is my projection onto them of what I want or don’t want, and I’ve learned to take ownership of that.
Yesterday I attended a meeting where all participants had 3 minutes of air time to voice their issues. When it was apparent that there would be extra time, members were invited to share again for 2 minutes if they would like to contribute a second time. Three or four people raised their hands, and I noticed a growing resentment building inside of me. “Look at them! They think they deserve to be heard again. How presumptuous!” What was really going on inside of me was the deep desire (and fear) to get my hand up so that I could be heard again.
My attitude was about me, not them. As soon as I raised my hand and spoke, my pent-up emotions went away. I no longer had any judgment of others because I was tending to my own needs and taking responsibility for them.
I’m curious if you notice your own behavior around criticizing others. You’ve heard the biblical saying, “Before you take the speck out of your brother’s eye, remove the log from yours first.” Anyone want to share for three minutes here?
I had the opportunity to tell my favorite college professor, Jim Cavanaugh, about the course I’ll be taking in Cambridge in a couple of weeks. It’s called Immunity to Change and deals with, as the title implies, resistance to that difficult transition we’re so often called upon to make.
He immediately got the concept and told me an entertaining story that related. Jim was my theatre professor and mentor. (The reason we’re back in touch is that he invited me to design the cover for his forthcoming book on acting–an offer I couldn’t refuse.)
Jim told me about the time when he was directing an actor in Edward Albee’s “A Delicate Balance.” It’s about a late-middle-aged couple – Harry and Edna - who have moved peremptorily into the home of their best friends, saying they had experienced a “terror” which prevented them from returning to their own home. It’s never stated in the script what that terror is. Therefore, Jim suggested that this actor think of the most frightening thing he could to access that strong emotion. Jim said, “You don’t have to tell me what you think of. Just have it in your mind for the scene.”
The actor was actually eager to share what frightened him most. Jim assumed it was death, but the actor surprised him. “What I fear most is change.”
I told Jim that I had thought about what I might use as the thing I’d like to change–my avoidance/relationship with twitter. We had a big laugh over our growing relationships with technology–his at 80, mine a few decades behind. I howled when he described what happens for him. I’m paraphrasing, but here’s the gist of it:
“Whenever you talk about anything, a picture comes into my head. That’s how I learned to understand. But, when you say ‘pdf’ – NOTHING. Wilderness! I have nothing to relate it to.”
Precisely! #hashtagFF RT whatever…
Over and over again I’m reminded of the power of resiliency. When I was studying relationship and systems coaching a few years back, one of the big takeaways from my instructor was this: the difference between competence (skill level) and mastery–that je ne sais quoi that tells the tale–is recovery time. You may have a particular skill set, but how quickly can you bounce back from a setback and utilize it? The more rapidly you can gain your footing and be present to what is, the more successful you’ll be at whatever you’re doing. So many people (and I’m speaking particularly to women business owners) get side-lined by challenges, and many give up and fade away.
In the Modern Love column of the Sunday Times Style Section (4/1/12), there’s a wonderful article called Getting to That Safe Place by Elisabeth Fairfield Stokes. In reflecting on a past less-than-healthy relationship she writes:
The punitive “What was I thinking?” became the much more compassionate “What was I learning?” And the answer was: everything.
I just loved this sentiment. Rather than beating yourself up for past (or recent) mistakes, take the opportunity to reframe the lesson and be present to its wisdom.
After giving a talk in Mexico last December that was 99% fabulously well-received, I got a negative response from one audience member with whom I’d interacted. My stomach turned to jelly, and my mood went from elation to deflation in .02 seconds. My positive self-talk carried me through, but it was later in discussing it with my coach, that I got the important point that I had missed. I hadn’t set up the context of the session for this gentleman who entered my class late. Not two weeks later I had a similar circumstance and applied the new wisdom with happier results. I could see my own recovery and then appreciated the hard-won learning.
Like this:
Kristen Walsh being coached by me.
An unusual kind of bonding went on last night during my Remarkable Women’s Network event. As each woman business owner introduced herself, she also mentioned her own particular brand of gremlin voice.
Heads nodded as one woman talked about having to be perfect, another mentioned the fear of claiming to be an artist (how dare she!), while others talked about feeling like an impostor or being too young or too old for her industry. Instead of the more typical self-intro’s you hear at networking events, I asked participants to lead with something that made them each vulnerable.
And you know what? I’ve never had a more successful or intimate session than this one. Attendees stayed well past the 7:30pm end time and were still exchanging information, leads and referrals as they walked out the door.
In addition to our usual round robin of self-introductions, I also coached five of the participants through a specific gremlin issue using a different ‘combat’ technique with each woman. Pictured here is Kristen Walsh, an ARTIST, who does fiber sculptures, wearable pieces and teaches too. During our demo coaching session she described what an ideal scenario would be for an exhibit of her work. She was totally confident, knowledgeable and compelling as she described the setting. The point I was making, and she so clearly demonstrated, is that when you’re in action mode (i.e. actively talking about your vision or pursuing it), gremlins run for cover.
Kristen had mentioned during that night’s coaching time together how much she also enjoys teaching. I do not consider it a coincidence that I received an email message from Kristen later that night saying this:
Just wanted to reiterate how much I enjoyed the tea this evening and how much I got out of it. You’re right… I felt like a different person afterwards! You ask such interesting and insightful questions.
Just have to share…. I came home to find out I got a teaching position at the Mid-Atlantic Fiber Association’s big conference held every two years (I’ll teach in 2013). AND they’re paying more than I asked for. How cool is that!
One tip to leave you with: A great antidote to gremlins taking over your brain is to talk to someone about them. Outing them is a fine repellant.
Christina Frei and Me
I’ve just returned to my office after a networking coffee date with Christina Frei, and rather than being exhausted on a Friday afternoon following a busy week, I’m exhilarated.
I’m still marveling at how this whole afternoon materialized. I’d received an email from Christina a week or so ago with a perfectly articulated invitation to join her for coffee at 3:30pm on Friday at Coco Michelle–a coffee and chocolate boutique opposite the Westport train station.
I often advise my clients, and particularly my webinar participants, to reach out to their sphere of influence and meet regularly with people in that community for marketing their new ideas. Today, I was on the receiving end of exactly that kind of an invitation.
Christina and I go back a few years, having been matched up by a mutual friend who thought our interests aligned, which they did. Anyway, I wasn’t sure what Christina had in mind today, but her invitation for a coffee treat was irresistible.
When we met, and after we had ordered delicious coffee beverages, Christina asked if she might tell me about what she’s been up to since we’d last seen each other. I couldn’t wait to hear. She then began to tell me in a most entertaining and informative way about the book she’s written and how this will impact her career, not to mention education in this country.
I was breathless after hearing her story. She announced how ‘on fire’ she is because what she’s doing is a manifestation of what most inspires her–teaching young kids (middle school aged specifically) about our Founding Fathers–not your typical woman business owner’s profile. Her enthusiasm ignited mine, and we began brainstorming and sharing resources and next connections.
This is a powerful example of how to let people know about what you’re up to. Christina took a chance in reaching out and extending herself to me. She sent an attractive offer with a clear plan. She had an agenda which she stuck to. I was honored by the preparation she’d done and was excited to be in her presence.
She is speaking her idea and getting feedback. I’m one of many to whom she’ll repeat this exercise. She is a living example of how to do this right. The key ingredient is was something she expressed during our conversation–that she knows how on track she is because she is fueled by her own excitement.
Christina Frei is a role model of someone who has found her passion, is discovering how to make it marketable and is getting out into the world with her message. I know she’s going to find great success, and I couldn’t be happier to be a witness to her process.
Christina’s target market is middle schools in the US. If you know anyone who is as passionate as she is about educating this segment of our population, particularly around American history, please be in touch with me or Christina.
