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I received this testimonial from a client I worked with a few years ago. I was so happy that she shared it with me that I asked her permission to share it (anonymously) with you. I hope you feel as inspired and motivated as I did reading it.
Short story: I’m speaking in two weeks at the XXX* conference, sponsored by Xxxxx* Women. I reached out to the president to ask if there was a room rate at the Crowne Plaze where the conference will take place (in Any City*, ST*) . She responded with the name of her contact and the room rate. After writing the contact I thought; (channeling your lessons) ‘Wait a minute, I’m traveling, speaking (and not being paid) shouldn’t I ask my host to pick up the tab for my room?’ So I took a deep breath, wrote her and asked, and lo and behold the answer was YES. Had I not asked, I’d be paying for my own room and not feeling very good about it.
*Names changed to protect the innocent.
I congratulated my client for her courage and action. I hope you are inspired to ask for something you need today.
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Wheel of Life
Like many of you, I’ve been going through major transitions in the last couple of years. The economy has definitely impacted my business, and my personal life has also changed substantially. My long-term marriage came to an end, and a new relationship is beginning to blossom. I changed residences, took on new responsibilities and let go of others.
I’m finding that it’s time for me to re-evaluate my own priorities by using a coaching tool I offer every new client. It’s called the Wheel of Life, and it allows me to see a snapshot of what’s working and what isn’t working in the areas of career, money, physical environment, significant other/romance, personal development, family and friends, fun and recreation and health.
The idea of the wheel is to rank each of these categories, notice where the gaps are between where you are and where you’d like to be, and how evenly distributed these areas of your life are. How smooth is the ride if your career is at a 6, but your health is at a 3?
In looking at my own, I realize that I’m now choosing to focus more on fun and recreation and romance than any of the other pie pieces. As many of you have recently reflected back to me, I’ve been operating at a high level of self-sufficiency and can take my foot off the gas for awhile and still have plenty of forward momentum. That’s what I’m choosing consciously to do.
I have decided to take the month of July off from marketing, webinars, blogging and networking. I’m going to be quiet, relax, hike, spend time in nature and swing in a hammock during this time. I’m going to vacation with my kids for several days.
I’ll be attending the Kushi Macrobiotic Conference again (my 5th time) and will use the rest of the month to relax, swim, read and pore through old journals for inspiration and instruction. I’m going to watch grass grow and spend time doing nothing.
I often recommend this to my own clients. Now the coach is taking her own prescription and trusting that the Universe wants exactly that from me–to do nothing and allow it to manifest whatever is next. There’s a heap of trust involved in letting go to this extent, but I’m crystal clear that it’s what I need to do.
I’m looking forward to a busy June and an August that is full of promises for the fall. I know I’ll return to my office renewed and reinvigorated. You can look forward to a full report (after a month of silence) when I get back.
Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.
~Rumi
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Carlette Cormier holding her Savannah Toile handbag.
I spent the early part of this week visiting my good friend Meredith Gray at her new bungalow in Savannah. We invited a fellow Savannah-ite to join us for breakfast Tuesday morning at the Sentient Bean.
Carlette Cormier and I had met in 2003–I as a speaker, Carlette as an award-winning designer. She recently took my webinar, so our friendship was re-kindled and visiting her in GA was a must. Her focus now is in developing her Savannah Toile business, which she’s doing with great success.
Carlette is a born story-teller. She was describing a big job she’d installed a few years ago at an elegant restaurant in town called Ele. As a designer, she was tasked with creating upholstered walls for one of the dining rooms. I asked her how she had received that opportunity. Carlette’s next door neighbor is a masseuse and the owner of Ele regularly received massages from her. Carlette’s neighbor happily made the referral. As Carlette so succinctly put it:
“You never know where your next referral is coming from.”
Carlette’s upholstered wall panels for Ele
Scarlett DeBease-My wardrobe and make-up consultant at 8am--pre-TEDx
I gave my TEDx talk my all on Saturday and I’m satisfied with my performance and also happy that it’s behind me now. It was an incredible opportunity to speak at such an extraordinarily well-executed event. Jeremey Donovan and his team did an outstanding job of coordinating nine speakers and all the logistics that went into creating a TEDx program–no small feat.
There was a timely essay in The New York Times Book Review yesterday by Susan Cain who gave her own TED talk in February about being an introvert–already an intriguing premise. Imagine being an introvert and having to present in front of 1500 people! Here’s a quote from that article describing how highly she regarded this opportunity:
The week before the conference, I canceled everything on my calendar other than bath time with my kids. Instead of writing and reading and working, I hired an acting coach, Jim, and rehearsed all day, every day, Monday through Saturday.
It served her well. Over two million people have watched the video of her speech The Power of Introverts. This makes me feel more secure in telling you how much I invested in my experience. I, too, hired a speech coach. I wanted to be sure that my talk was on point, that the order of my stories made sense, that I had the right images to accompany those stories, and that my gestures matched my words and conveyed my enthusiasm.
In addition, I hired someone to help me with my appearance on THE DAY. We met an hour before showtime for hair and make-up. I also made arrangements to have the event photographically documented. I saw this as a major opportunity and I did everything within my power to capitalize on its outcome.
This is also called risk-taking. There is no guarantee that I will get anything in return for my investment of time, energy, brain power and financial resources. That’s the nature of risks. But, I believe that I will and used every resource I had to achieve that. Time will tell.
One of the lessons I’ve learned is that even if this TEDx experience doesn’t become the turning point in my life that I optimistically wish for, the story of its unfolding will provide great material for whatever does show up for me next.
My Immunity to Change Column 3 Study Group
I’m currently attending a fascinating and worthwhile program called Immunity to Change being held at the Harvard Faculty Club in Cambridge. Today was Day 2 of a 3-day workshop for facilitators, and facilitated by the creators and authors of ITC as it is called within this community. There are 40 of us here from the US and abroad–Canada, France, plus California, Minnesota, New York, Massachusetts, etc. This number works out well for the different breakout sessions that are a part of the design.
You can read all about ITC and what it sets out to achieve by buying their book. What you can’t know without attending a class like this is how brilliantly designed the execution of the three days has been.
I want to focus on a few particular delights in this posting. There have been many cool structures that Leahy/Kegan have introduced me to. The model for taking someone through ITC is composed of five segments, each requiring study to understand its execution. I was assigned Column 3 (which means nothing out of context, but it’s the way we were divided up that has merit) as the segment I needed to become knowledgable in. Seven others also received that assignment. Similarly, 8 folks had Column 2, 8 had Column 4, etc. First we got to study the material individually. Then the eight of us assigned to Column 3 got together to brainstorm and discuss how we might present our piece. The other groups did the same thing with their peers. That was yesterday.
Today we got into eight groups of five with each of the segments being facilitated now by us newly educated ‘experts.’ You can see what a well-designed learning tool this was. We got to review the materials with others studying the same piece, then deliver it to the rest of the team who had each similarly studied their pieces in a peer situation. There was so much reinforcement and safety built into the learning that made it fun, useful and supportive.
In addition to these larger group activities, we divided into partnerships of two several times to work through segments. With each pairing there’s always the decision of who goes first. In yesterday’s twosome, the one whose birthday was closest went first. Then the one with the fewer siblings. Very creative ways to get us started. This creativity kept what could have been an increasingly serious atmosphere light and lively.
This afternoon our instructor said, “Whoever has the longest hair goes first in your group.” A ripple of laughter started at one table until the room was in hysterics. Take a look at why.
Joan Cavanaugh - 75 today!
One of the first women I met when I joined EWN 20 years ago was a powerhouse business owner named Joan Cavanaugh. At the time, she owned a publishing company called W.J. Fantasy, Inc. which produced fine paper products–Advent Calendars, Games, Books, etc. illustrated by famous artists like Tomie dePaola. She was clearly a mover and shaker, and I liked her immediately. So much so that within a few months of meeting each other, she became my first recruit for my own Mastermind Group which has been operating continuously for two decades. I’ve watched Joan grow and sell W.J. Fantasy, move into voiceover work, and now teach corporate executives, women in particular, the extraordinary advantages of playing golf as a business-building tool.
You can read more about Joan’s rich history in her bio. She’s currently a client of mine, so I have a ringside seat to observe her formidable talents and vision. Joan WILL tilt the Universe with her dynamic approach to business and life. She’s writing a book, lecturing at universities and in the Boardroom teaching and modeling the advantages this sport provides for leveling the playing field.
I’ve watched Joan in action over the years. Whatever she takes on, she is 100% committed to its success. She is truly unstoppable, and anyone around her is sure to get swept up in her enthusiasm, spirit and business savvy. She works with students at the High School of Art & Design and brings them on board to help her with marketing. Joan recently hand-delivered chocolate golf balls to industry leaders with whom she’d like to network.
I knew that today was her birthday, but had never asked what number she’s celebrating. When she said “75″ I almost fell over. I love having a role model who is as enthusiastic, smart, energized and on track as Joan Cavanaugh. If you are looking for some inspiration during a dry spell, visit Joan’s site and take heart. There is no finish line as an entrepreneur. Joan is as excited about life and business today as when I met her back in the early 90′s.
Happy Birthday, Joan!
Over and over again I’m reminded of the power of resiliency. When I was studying relationship and systems coaching a few years back, one of the big takeaways from my instructor was this: the difference between competence (skill level) and mastery–that je ne sais quoi that tells the tale–is recovery time. You may have a particular skill set, but how quickly can you bounce back from a setback and utilize it? The more rapidly you can gain your footing and be present to what is, the more successful you’ll be at whatever you’re doing. So many people (and I’m speaking particularly to women business owners) get side-lined by challenges, and many give up and fade away.
In the Modern Love column of the Sunday Times Style Section (4/1/12), there’s a wonderful article called Getting to That Safe Place by Elisabeth Fairfield Stokes. In reflecting on a past less-than-healthy relationship she writes:
The punitive “What was I thinking?” became the much more compassionate “What was I learning?” And the answer was: everything.
I just loved this sentiment. Rather than beating yourself up for past (or recent) mistakes, take the opportunity to reframe the lesson and be present to its wisdom.
After giving a talk in Mexico last December that was 99% fabulously well-received, I got a negative response from one audience member with whom I’d interacted. My stomach turned to jelly, and my mood went from elation to deflation in .02 seconds. My positive self-talk carried me through, but it was later in discussing it with my coach, that I got the important point that I had missed. I hadn’t set up the context of the session for this gentleman who entered my class late. Not two weeks later I had a similar circumstance and applied the new wisdom with happier results. I could see my own recovery and then appreciated the hard-won learning.
Like this:
Kristen Walsh being coached by me.
An unusual kind of bonding went on last night during my Remarkable Women’s Network event. As each woman business owner introduced herself, she also mentioned her own particular brand of gremlin voice.
Heads nodded as one woman talked about having to be perfect, another mentioned the fear of claiming to be an artist (how dare she!), while others talked about feeling like an impostor or being too young or too old for her industry. Instead of the more typical self-intro’s you hear at networking events, I asked participants to lead with something that made them each vulnerable.
And you know what? I’ve never had a more successful or intimate session than this one. Attendees stayed well past the 7:30pm end time and were still exchanging information, leads and referrals as they walked out the door.
In addition to our usual round robin of self-introductions, I also coached five of the participants through a specific gremlin issue using a different ‘combat’ technique with each woman. Pictured here is Kristen Walsh, an ARTIST, who does fiber sculptures, wearable pieces and teaches too. During our demo coaching session she described what an ideal scenario would be for an exhibit of her work. She was totally confident, knowledgeable and compelling as she described the setting. The point I was making, and she so clearly demonstrated, is that when you’re in action mode (i.e. actively talking about your vision or pursuing it), gremlins run for cover.
Kristen had mentioned during that night’s coaching time together how much she also enjoys teaching. I do not consider it a coincidence that I received an email message from Kristen later that night saying this:
Just wanted to reiterate how much I enjoyed the tea this evening and how much I got out of it. You’re right… I felt like a different person afterwards! You ask such interesting and insightful questions.
Just have to share…. I came home to find out I got a teaching position at the Mid-Atlantic Fiber Association’s big conference held every two years (I’ll teach in 2013). AND they’re paying more than I asked for. How cool is that!
One tip to leave you with: A great antidote to gremlins taking over your brain is to talk to someone about them. Outing them is a fine repellant.
One of the most telling comments I’ve remembered over the years regarding ‘the voices’ we (all) hear in our heads was the speaker who suggested to skeptics, “You know…the voices. Like the one speaking to you right now saying you don’t have any voices in your head. Those voices.”
I have yet to meet anyone who’s swimming solo out there.
But the voices disguise themselves very well. We believe them, that they’re actually our thoughts and some form of higher wisdom. I don’t know about you, but my voices never reinforce the powerful intuitions I receive, the hits of creativity and originality, the inspired thoughts that come my way. In fact, they’re each about one car-length behind those more generous thoughts with their specially crafted brand of negativity and advice.
On Monday night, April 2, my Remarkable Women’s Network theme is a Gremlin Tea Party. I’m inviting those critters in, along with 30+ remarkable women, to duke it out. As a longtime coach, I know how to deal with these saboteurs. My coach calls them con artists. Whatever name they go by in your vocabulary, they’re dream killers, and I want to exact revenge.
During the evening I’ll offer several strategies for confronting these voices. Five women business owners will be offered the chance to coach with me on how to deal with statements like these that come out of the mouths of those creatures:
- “Who do you think you are?”
- “No one will pay for that!”
- “You call yourself an expert?!”
Everyone there will benefit from the strategies and tools I use to deal with these impostors. I’ve done it before at my goal setting retreats, and the transformation is palpable. Like throwing water on the Wicked Witch of the West. These mean-spirited entities dissolve and disappear when they’re called out in public.
I hope you can join me next week (register here for one of the few remaining spots) or send a comment and let me know your familiar voice’s ‘advice’ to you.
Mary's Privacy Curtain
“Unless you’re bleeding, don’t come in for the next hour,” I would tell my daughter Laura back in my home office/egg decorating days. That was my inelegant way of establishing privacy and quiet time for my work. I didn’t have better tools back then and blush at how crudely I stated my need.
When my client Mary called last week and spoke about a similar issue, I understood her pain. As moms working at home, establishing a quiet zone that will not be trespassed is a frequent concern. And it’s not only children who have trouble staying away. Mary’s lovable spouse likes to talk and is currently between work opportunities with time and feelings to spare.
Mary has set up an attractive, well-lit and neatly organized space for herself in the basement of their home. But there was no door on it to shut out the world when she’s working. Mary has all of the qualities of a great coach, so her husband saw her irresistible presence at home, albeit in this space, as an invitation to hang out. She adores him, too, but as a professional starting this at-home business, enough was enough.
Most of the time when I’m coaching, I ask powerful questions of my clients knowing that they already have their own answers. In this case, I simply asked, “Could you put up a door?”
Mary laughed out loud because that had not occurred to her. Because of the architecture of the space, a door wasn’t going to work. But within 3 hours of our conversation I received this image with her already implemented solution. I could feel her joy in the execution and the gentle, but clear boundary she established. BTW, names have been changed to protect the innocent.
