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I met with a group of women business owners recently, where one participant whom I know and adore, shared a challenge about how crazy-busy she is. She felt frantic and incapable of prioritizing. The proverbial fires were all burning equally in her arena. Taking time to deal with one over here could cause a huge conflagration over there.
I could feel my stomach begin to get knotted up.
And then I realized that I didn’t have to fix this for her, nor do I believe she desired a solution. She wanted to vent, to be acknowledged, understood and appreciated. Don’t we all?
I asked her permission to share an observation, which she welcomed. “I’ve known you a good 20 years, Barbie (not her real name).”
She immediately interjected, “And I’ve been complaining about this issue all along, haven’t I?”
I nodded. “What I get about you is that this is how you thrive. You’ve been wildly successful in this competitive and male-dominated industry you’re in. You’ve always made your deadlines, and you actually seem to thrive on the chaos of it. Why not re-frame your attitude about the situation and enjoy the ride? Instead of beating yourself up for not being better organized, how about some new and different self-talk? Try saying, ‘I’m really good at dealing with a million balls in the air. I always pull off these presentations. All nighters are the price of admission in this field. And I love it!’”
I wasn’t sure what kind of reaction I would get from that piece of truth-telling and coaching, but Barbie’s face went from drawn to relieved. She felt heard and understood and didn’t have to change a thing about her work method, except her attitude about it.
When I emailed her this morning to ask her permission to share the incident, this was her reply:
You certainly may blog about it!! I can’t tell you how great it was to hear your words!!
I’m back! The most significant takeaway from my wonderful trip to Mexico and California was that for the entire week at Rancho La Puerta I was fully present and never thought about home, work, responsibilities, finances, 2012 or anything other than what I was currently engaged in at the moment.
I just said to a friend in conversation that it was like a really good night’s sleep with amazing dreams that are now positive deposits in my energy and happiness bank accounts.
The Ranch, as it is called by repeat visitors, is exquisitely landscaped. It is impossible to see too far down any road because of the twists and turns, high hedges and dense foliage. Truthfully, I kept getting lost because there were no visible landmarks to center me. I found out late in the week that the layout of the 3000+ acres was intentionally created to prevent left-brain thinking (which is the linear side?). Anwyay, it worked.
I delivered my two talks there and successfully and motivated several participants to live into their dreams, particularly around performing. I love that look of terror and delight when I encourage an audience member, for instance, to call the caberet she wants to perform at by January 5.
I’m also happy to be back. I love the life I’ve created for myself which includes working with amazing women entrepreneurs, having time for self-care, and especially time for my friends and family.
I’m taking the afternoon off to see Hugh Jackman on Broadway with my daughter Lindsey knowing that I’ll spend tomorrow afternoon in the library completing another module of my webinar program. I’m so grateful for the flexibility of creating my own schedule and the generosity of my employer.
Happy New Year to you all!
I finished reading my first book on a Nook last week–the weighty 642-page biography of Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson. (I want to re-thank Tessa McGovern for inviting me to her echook event at Barnes & Noble a few months back. It was there that I won the raffle for a color Nook.) I was riveted to every word about this genius–the good, the bad, and the ugly. Let me tell you, there was plenty of ugly. But that’s for another blog post.
One of the neat things about the Nook is that you can write notes and highlight sections. I didn’t use that capability until I hit page 464 where Tim Cook, whom Jobs tapped to replace him at Apple, stated “There is no one better at turning off the noise that is going on around him…That allows him to focus on a few things and say no to many things. Few people are really good at that.”
With the you-know-what approaching (that “h” word), I’m noticing increasing frenzy and a lack of focus wherever I go. Some of the questions I get from clients and webinar participants are based around too many goals and choices. These are good questions, and I’m sympathetic. I, too, can put way too much on my plate.
But, I’m with Steve Jobs on this one. Pick one or two projects to put all of your focus on, knowing that good ideas will be there when you’re ready for them.
At a writing workshop I attended years ago, one participant told the instructor that she had hundreds of ideas for book titles. I felt jealousy surge up in me as I sat next to this prolific idea person. The teacher’s response surprised and satisfied me. I’m paraphrasing, but she said something like, “It’s a cop-out to keep thinking of ideas. The hard work is to sit down with just ONE and commit to it. Writing is about writing, not about thinking of titles.” Ouch, and aha!
My advice for when you’re feeling scattered? Choose one thing to focus on for a few hours until it’s complete. Turn off the phone. Don’t look at email or social media, and commit your time to the work in front of you. Complete that one thing, whether it’s wrapping gifts, planning your goals for 2012 or re-writing your homepage. It’s better to complete one thing than to get 1/2 way through a dozen things.
On my drive from Tucson, where the retreat was held en route to the airport in Phoenix, I saw a spectacular rainbow–in Arizona! Over the desert. Not what you’d expect. That pretty much sums up my fabulous experience at Miraval with 100+ MORE readers plus the magazine’s editorial staff and publisher. To say it exceeded my expectations would be an understatement.
The facility is magnificent–a resort built at the base of the Santa Catalina Mountains–with lavish accommodations and multiple athletic, spa and spiritual offerings to please any patron. But the true value of my experience began during the Meet the Editors welcome the first evening there. I sat in the front row and was immediately extended a warm welcome by the woman seated to my right, Natalie Caine. 
Within two minutes it was clear that I was in the right place. I’m going to speak at Rancho La Puerta next month, and Natalie had just returned from her own speaking engagement there. Now, really. What are the chances of that serendipitous alignment of stars?! We became fast friends and had breakfast together daily.
The highlight of Day 2 was participating in the Equine Experience where I was well instructed on how to groom a horse including getting him to lift his hooves for me to clean. After that I was taught how to have my horse go from a walk to a trot and change directions in the ring simply by directing my energy core towards his and setting my intention. I’ve got the pictures to prove that I was able to accomplish this amazing feat. Amazing to me, anyway.
Throughout these experiences and meals I kept meeting remarkable women from all over the US. Conversations were spontaneous and quickly intimate, which I loved.
When I got back to the ‘main campus’ after the horse experience, one of the women I’d met in that group spotted a jeweler, Marybeth Johnson, she’d previously encountered who was exhibiting her work in the Miraval shop.
I was immediately drawn not only to the beauty and spirituality of this woman’s pieces, but also to her gentle and loving energy. We had a couple of wonderful conversations, as I had already walked the path she was currently on and could lend some thoughts and advice for her journey. She was a receptive audience, and we became fast friends.
My original intention for going to this long weekend event was to meet Barbara Bigford whom I’d written about after she’d been featured in MORE. Her story is truly inspirational, and what I admired most about Barbara, who shared her story at lunch on Friday–”From Idea to Barcode”– is her willingness to go to any lengths for her business in a low-key, tenacious and graceful way. She shared her wild success, but also her steep learning curve and mistakes made along the way. Employed as a dental hygienist before becoming a business mogul, you can imagine how inspiring her story was.
The day after her talk, Barbara and I met up for a morning walk and talk about retirement co-sponsored by MORE and Wells Fargo. We hiked the grounds of the resort, then assembled by a bonfire 
to hear about financial planning and share our concerns with the Deputy Editor of MORE whose focus is personal finance and work–Jennifer Braunschweiger.
I could go on… It was filling, inspiring, nurturing, fun and important. Join me next year!
When I signed up for the Meet the Editors event at Miraval Spa in Tucson last June, I had no idea how well-timed this getaway retreat would be. These last few weeks have been intensely full and productive with my recent free webinar and subsequent sell-out of the actual 8-session course starting next week.
I’ve wrapped up all the trimmings for the first session on 11/17, so feel really good about taking a long weekend of rest, renewal and some pretty cool networking.
My coach asked me what my ‘high dream’ would be around the event. What would be the best outcome? I don’t know how this came out of my mouth, but ‘a column’ was what I responded. I’ve got copies of my book to distribute–I shipped them ahead to avoid shlepping them on the plane. And I believe I walk the talk of a Soul Proprietor. A monthly column geared toward women-owned businesses would work beautifully in that publication.
Earl Nightingale said that “Luck is when preparedness meets opportunity.” Wish me luck!
Yesterday was a glorious day in CT, especially compared to last Sunday when we were all cleaning up from that freaky fall blizzard and subsequent power outages. This day was sunny, blue skies and the perfect temperature for taking in a multitude of offerings.
I chose to attend Crafts on Stage at SUNY Purchase for which my dear friend and colleague Terry Capuana has served as Chair. I was also attracted to this event because I saw that Micki Ravitz (in photo with me) was among the exhibitors.
I’d recently mentioned Micki in the talk I gave at the Saybrook Point Inn when relating the lesson I nickname, Graduating from Wannabe, in my book Soul Proprietor. When I first began exhibiting my decorated eggs in the late ’70′s, I had a tiny booth across the aisle from Micki’s large and luxe ultrasuede boutique which was dripping with her elegant handmade necklaces. Her booth was constantly populated with loving fans waiting for a moment with this talented woman who would select exactly the perfect piece of jewelry for them, write up their order, then send them off with her warm and sincere smile and a hug. I wanted what she had.
The lesson I learned in observing those attributes–gorgeous booth/display, return clientele, a warm and generous spirit–was that I could attain them by imitating the master. I worked long and hard to afford someone who could design a new booth for me. I started a mailing list and conscientiously sent out postcard reminders to let my fans know when I’d next be exhibiting. I worked on my attitude and brought along a new and positive one to my weekends of public exposure.
There’s great information in those feelings of envy and jealousy that can be mined for success.
When I told this story in Old Saybrook, an audience member raised her hand and enthusiastically said, “I know Micki, and it’s all true!” I wanted to share that story with Micki when I saw her at her booth on Sunday. She greeted me as warmly as any of her ‘old’ customers with a huge smile and a hug. She had actually already been told about the story, so we shared a good laugh. I reminded her of how much I admired her style, especially her lavish booth. “It’s over 35 years old!” she exclaimed. I loved that, too, because when you invest in yourself, it pays you back.
Although I’ve bought pieces of Micki’s jewelry in the past, yesterday I chose 
to buy a beautiful bracelet from another exhibitor. After the purchase, I asked if I might take a photo of the artisan in her booth. She had a well integrated look that supported her craft beautifully and professionally. I wanted to share that with you. Notice the large photo images and name branding, the proprietor elegantly wearing her own designs, the simplicity of the booth (even this small slice of it that you see) and the edited selection of pieces offered. Customers can be overwhelmed by the sheer volume of work on display. Wendy narrowed the choices making it easy for me to select one of the designs similar to what she was wearing on her own wrists.
After leaving the fair in NY, I followed the advice of my dentist who has often mentioned the energy medicine doctor he’s been seeing and now swears by. Dr. Jeffrey Zimmerman held an opening of his new wellness company in downtown Westport on Sunday afternoon. I was able to arrive in time to hear his lecture on energy medicine after my trip to Westchester.
I was inspired enough by his personal story and information to sign up for an upcoming class on self-healing and wellness. I left his talk and went home for a well-deserved and nurturing nap.
Set-Up for Tonight's Webinar
I’m beyond excited about presenting my free webinar tonight. Those of you who’ve been following this journey–I started taking classes on how to do this whole thing back in July–have heard me whining, listened to my starts and stops and are now witnessing my transformation from student to teacher. It’s been a long haul, and I’m thrilled to have arrived at delivery at last.
Delivery is a great metaphor because this has been like a pregnancy and labor up until now. I just rehearsed one more time in preparation for tonight’s debut. I’m feeling ecstatic. That’s the natural bi-product of hard work and accomplishment, no drugs or sweets required. Just a deep feeling of satisfaction and seeing all the pieces fitting together.
I’ve got well over 150 people signed up and anticipate at least 1/2 of those people being on the call. I love my offering and the value it will bring to anyone who invests the time and attention. I’m not bragging, just wanting to show you my beautiful baby.
Also, this is the beginning of a whole new family of offers for me in my business. Can I show you the pictures?!
I was just talking to my webinar accountability partner, Sandy Weiner, on our check-in call. It’s been a gift to have someone there witnessing my progress as well as reporting her own. I’m inspired by her initiatives, and vice versa.
As we were scheduling our next call, she looked at her calendar and said, “Oh, I have my Profits class that morning at 8:30am. Can we make our call at 7:30am?”
“Profits Class! That sounds like something I’d like to know more about,” I commented, ever the entrepreneur.
“It’s P-R-O-P-H-E-T-S,” Sandy elaborated. She practices Modern Orthodox Judaism and is as excited about learning more about her religion as she is in growing her business. I find that Sandy’s deeply personal and committed perspective adds enormously to her sensitivity and skill. That’s why I love working with her as much as I do.
…will be a future Nobel Peace Prize winner! Yes! At my Come As You’ll Be event I will be host to the 2016 Nobel Peace Prize recipient. Currently, she is a client of mine whose passion is leading mission trips to third world countries. She’s been to Haiti several times since the devastating earthquake there and has helped serve the population in need of medical attention. That’s what she does on her vacation.
For work she arranges home health care providers for the ill and elderly. She’s in her 10th year of running this successful business. When we were discussing her goals for the next few years, she mentioned how much she’d like to increase her level of service in the world. She plans to run at least two mission trips per year organizing a crew of doctors and nurses to bring with her on these ventures.
She’ll be attending my event next week, but was coming up empty on what amazing thing could happen in five years that would be fun to dress up as or use as a prop. I suggested that she was deserving of major recognition. Her business is financially successful. Money is not her primary motivator. When I broached the subject of the Nobel Prize, she burst out laughing, but there was also an audible gasp at the possibility.
What would make you laugh and gasp at the same time when you think about your future? Is it an award or other form of recognition? A publication? A degree? An amazing client? My final Remarkable Women’s Network event of 2011 is your opportunity to dream big and Come As You’ll Be.
Want to meet a future Nobel Prize winner, or come as one? There are 5 spaces left. Join us!
It amazes me how my energy shifts from Labor Day Monday to back-to-work/school Tuesday. The last week of August and the days before the holiday weekend crawl. And then BOOM! It’s business as usual, as though nothing has ever been other than business as usual.
I’ve been contemplating where to put my focus this fall. Two Mastermind Groups that were on the calendar are now off. I have a few 1:1 client spots open. My next Remarkable Women’s Network event is filling nicely, and I’m grateful for that. I have several speaking engagements lined up which I look forward to.
But my focus is going to be on something different.
I received an email newsletter from Ken Nelson who asked: Do you Google all of your deepest questions? I laughed out loud, then read a terrific piece which quotes him regarding mindfulness in this age of technology:
The mindfulness tools Ken teaches at Kripalu can be used in any circumstance, time, and place. “Whether you’re driving, in front of a computer, or on the phone, you can practice being present, and cultivate a capacity for conscious witnessing,” he says. “It’s about allowing sensations, thoughts, and feelings to arise inside of awareness, and noticing that everything is a movement inside of awareness.”
The process he teaches involves five steps that are at the heart of the Kripalu methodology: breathe, relax, feel, watch, allow. “Our capacity to experience awareness can grow any time we notice that everything is moving: The breath is moving and changing, thoughts and feelings are moving and changing,” he says. “But awareness itself doesn’t change. When you notice in the foreground that everything is changing, and you begin to identify less with that foreground and more with the background, you can see yourself inside of an ocean of awareness. And you can bring a natural capacity for kindness and compassion into your relationship with whatever’s happening in the foreground.”
Yesterday I had a session with my coach, Michele, then read a shamanic newsletter she sent me this morning. Both of these newsletters, Ken’s and the one Michele sent, and my conversation with her led me to my own inner wisdom and the answer to the question I ask as the subject of this blog–What are you majoring in this semester?
I’m going to major in ALLOWING this semester. If you don’t know what I mean by that, you probably haven’t even read this far into the posting. I can’t put it any better than this paragraph from the second newsletter I read:
This is more of a “being” month than a “doing” month. Certainly you may have energy to put into tasks and projects but the motivation and support for their accomplishment comes from a place of being rather than a place of doing and effort. Because of the unpredictability of the times, things may manifest in very unusual ways if you allow them to. This requires putting your fixed ideas about how it should be done aside so that something new can emerge. It is a good month to revisit all of your intentions and determine whether you have enough flexibility to allow a new way of manifesting.
