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As seen at Dr. Honig’s Office
What do difficult clients and getting root canal have to do with each other?
Well, actually, as I re-read that question, it makes sense to compare the two. They can both be extremely painful, and you probably wouldn’t look forward to either.
But that wasn’t the original connection I was going for. As I was leaving my root canalist’s office last week I glimpsed this jar on his counter. Of course, it made me laugh out loud because as you may remember from a previous blog entry, the dentist’s chair is my least favorite place to be. His decorative urn made me pause to consider what constituted a ‘problem patient’ and if I would be so designated.
As a patient, I never thought of myself as a client, but of course, it’s just another designation for one who pays for your services. I never considered my behavior from the dentist’s point of view, which is how all trying clients must think–not from the perspective of whom they’re impacting, right?
Difficult Clients is the topic of discussion at my upcoming Remarkable Women’s Network session on June 28. I will invite attendees to share their challenges with me as I coach them through scenarios they are facing. Should be a fun night to participate in and also to observe.
I inquired from my gentle and capable dentist, Dr. Honig, if I were a candidate for the jar. “Not you,” he generously replied. He then took a pad of small Post-It notes, held it up and said, “HIPAA prevents me from writing down real names, so I just put their initials on these pieces of paper and put them in the jar.” Evidently lateness and lack of payment are far worse offenses than fear and trepidation.
He’s very patient with me. I spend the first 10-15 minutes of our time together numbing out, then getting my iPod cued up for listening to music while he drills, followed by clutching the arms of the dental chair till my knuckles turn white. The first song to come on that morning was from my Jersey Boys album and it was “Big Girls Don’t Cry.” How ironic.
Barbara’s gift and the Lululemon recyclable bag
It would ruin any mystery surrounding the birthday gift I’m giving her tonight. But my experience at Lululemon yesterday bears sharing with my audience of business owners and other interested consumers.
I selected a cool, reversible jacket as my gift to Barbara, brought it to the checkout counter and asked that it be wrapped as a gift. “We don’t have gift boxes. We’re a sustainable store,” I was told with just the slightest edge of superiority.
“Could you put a little tissue around it?” I asked, hoping for a touch of festivity in the unwrapping experience.
“No, we don’t believe in adding waste to the environment,” the salesgirl said. Actually, she didn’t say that exactly, but that was my interpretation of her repeating the ‘sustainable’ mantra in slightly different language.
Another jolt I got at that counter was the guestbook sign-in. Hoping to get the inside scoop on what towns other shoppers were visiting from, I was surprised to see that the pages consisted solely of names and email addresses. Clearly, paper, envelopes and stamps were not going to be used by this company.
I admire and support the philosophy and commitment of Lululemon, but have to confess to suffering a bit of culture shock, this being my first time interfacing with the reality of it.
I do plan to tie a (recyclable) ribbon around the cool, environmentally correct bag they did give me for transporting said gift to its recipient. I hope Barbara likes it. They did print out an extra gift receipt, just in case.
One of the reasons I just joined Ladies Who Launch was to be sure to claim my space at Kristin van Ogtrop’s talk last week in Greenwich. I knew it would be a sell-out and that members would receive priority. I became a platinum member and slid onto the list of attendees.
She was fabulous!
To get a sense of Kristin’s outlook and humor I recommend buying her book (seen here), but to give you a small appetizer, here are two of my favorite points she made during her talk that night:
#3 – If you don’t have a thick skin, learn to heal quickly.
She showed an actual email she’d received (the person’s email name and address included!) that was insulting and rude as an example of what she occasionally contends with. That really got my attention as I have recently been on the receiving end of others’ ire. When you’re a public figure of any dimension, you do become a target. I liked her directive to deal with the hurt and move on rapidly. I’ve been applying that wisdom to good advantage.
I remember a Newsday poll from many years ago that named Howard Stern as the best-loved radio personality. He was simultaneously named the most-hated radio personality. Fame (or any public notice) will often be a double-edged sword.
My other favorite point Kristin made was:
#4 – Don’t exceed your own personal speed limit.
That’s easily understood and could be a screen saver on your computer monitor. How often do you take on more than you can accomplish in a day? That little word “no” (which Kristin recommended liberal use of) will help keep your travel lane flowing smoothly.
In addition to hearing Kristin speak, I’m delighted to be a new member of Ladies Who Launch which is being so well run by Kathy McShane who is devoted to helping women business owners succeed. I share that passion with Kathy and am excited about joining forces with her to serve our community and beyond.
Carlette Cormier holding her Savannah Toile handbag.
I spent the early part of this week visiting my good friend Meredith Gray at her new bungalow in Savannah. We invited a fellow Savannah-ite to join us for breakfast Tuesday morning at the Sentient Bean.
Carlette Cormier and I had met in 2003–I as a speaker, Carlette as an award-winning designer. She recently took my webinar, so our friendship was re-kindled and visiting her in GA was a must. Her focus now is in developing her Savannah Toile business, which she’s doing with great success.
Carlette is a born story-teller. She was describing a big job she’d installed a few years ago at an elegant restaurant in town called Ele. As a designer, she was tasked with creating upholstered walls for one of the dining rooms. I asked her how she had received that opportunity. Carlette’s next door neighbor is a masseuse and the owner of Ele regularly received massages from her. Carlette’s neighbor happily made the referral. As Carlette so succinctly put it:
“You never know where your next referral is coming from.”
Carlette’s upholstered wall panels for Ele
Terrie Williams
I’m a big believer in mining your files for ideas and opportunities that already exist and are in your back pocket. As I was clearing out my file cabinet last week, I came across an old EWN Newsletter featuring 20 Ways to Promote Yourself in Business by one of my all-time favorite business leaders and speakers, Terrie Williams.
I’d heard Terrie speak at an AWED (American Women’s Economic Development) Conference years ago, then again at my local networking organization not long after that. Her messages have resonated with me ever since hearing her stories at those events. The article summarizes that wisdom.
I emailed Terrie today to ask permission to share her ideas with my readers. I was hoping to hear back from her by week’s end. I got a response within 10 minutes with an emphatic “but of course!”
Thank you, Terrie, for your generosity then and now. Here’re the first 10 tips on her list of the “little things” that set us apart from the competition (slightly edited):
- Know that your reputation is valuable – and that it often reaches people before you do. Be sincere, be honest, be prepared, be professional, be thoughtful, be efficient–and delivers.
- Do what you say you’re going to do. If you can’t deliver on time (and reasons for this should only have to do with circumstances beyond your control) pick up the phone ASAP and say so. Make sure you meet the next deadline you set.
- Return all phone calls. You never know why a person may be calling.
- Treat everyone with respect and courtesy. A person’s position in life should have absolutely noting to do with how you interact with them. What goes around comes around.
- Be visible. Go to professional seminars, luncheons, receptions, dinners, any kind of gathering of folks. You have to be out there for people to notice you.
- When you meet people, be mindful. Look them in the eye, smile, be personable, have a firm handshake and actually be with the individual in that moment.
- Try to develop a knack for remembering names. People will be flattered if you can call them by name after only a brief introduction. Your recall is best when you want to remember.
- Be an active listener while you’re engaged in conversation. Politely excuse yourself if you feel yourself becoming bored or distracted.
- Create a “small talk” notebook for when you go out–anecdotes and/or questions you jot down about life or current events that are guaranteed to stimulate conversation. Be creative, even outrageous but always professional with your ideas. Ask people something about themselves. People do like to talk about their own lives and jobs.
- Be sensitive to the body language of those you come in contact with. And beware of how you come across to other people.
More coming later this week…
Like this:
When I teach the marketing module in my Soul Proprietor’s Formula for Building Your Business, I begin with a conversation I once had with my good friend and illustrator, Maggie Swanson. We walked regularly when we lived in the same neighborhood and shared frequently what was going on in our art/business lives. It dawned on me after knowing Maggie for awhile that she NEVER told me her professional accomplishments like getting called to do the cover art for Sesame Street Magazine or that she’d been commissioned to illustrate a series of Golden Books.
I, on the other hand, bragged about every opportunity that crossed my threshold. After I’d seen yet another amazing project she’d be working on in her studio, I finally said something. “Maggie, how come you never even mention all the cool things you’ve got coming in the door?”
She told me that when she was growing up, if she looked in the mirror admiringly as she passed one by, her mother would say, “Maggie, S-P-S.” I had no idea what that stood for. She explained, “Self-Praise Stinks.” Ouch!
Imagine my delight when Maggie and I were walking at Compo Beach last week and she shared a recent thrill. Here’s how she told it:
When my new book “Lucky Cat Paper Dolls” was published, I was so happy that I forgot one of my mother’s precepts, “SPS.” This has also encompassed self-promotion for me.
I sent a copy of the book to Jackson Galaxy, a cat behaviorist with a very entertaining show, “My Cat From Hell” on the Animal Planet network. Within a few days I got a lovely handwritten thank you note from him. Then I emailed the Modern Cat blog and sent a link to the book on amazon.com. I got an email back from the owner Kate Benjamin [which said] “Perfect timing! I was just with Jackson Galaxy yesterday and I saw your book and wrote down your name so I could remember it! Thanks for the link!
Today I was surprised to be featured on the blog!
This is how it works. Maggie felt a connection to someone aligned with her mission, reached out in an appropriate manner, and continued to act on intuition and inspiration. The results tell the tale of authentic networking–heartfelt and successful.
My Immunity to Change Column 3 Study Group
I’m currently attending a fascinating and worthwhile program called Immunity to Change being held at the Harvard Faculty Club in Cambridge. Today was Day 2 of a 3-day workshop for facilitators, and facilitated by the creators and authors of ITC as it is called within this community. There are 40 of us here from the US and abroad–Canada, France, plus California, Minnesota, New York, Massachusetts, etc. This number works out well for the different breakout sessions that are a part of the design.
You can read all about ITC and what it sets out to achieve by buying their book. What you can’t know without attending a class like this is how brilliantly designed the execution of the three days has been.
I want to focus on a few particular delights in this posting. There have been many cool structures that Leahy/Kegan have introduced me to. The model for taking someone through ITC is composed of five segments, each requiring study to understand its execution. I was assigned Column 3 (which means nothing out of context, but it’s the way we were divided up that has merit) as the segment I needed to become knowledgable in. Seven others also received that assignment. Similarly, 8 folks had Column 2, 8 had Column 4, etc. First we got to study the material individually. Then the eight of us assigned to Column 3 got together to brainstorm and discuss how we might present our piece. The other groups did the same thing with their peers. That was yesterday.
Today we got into eight groups of five with each of the segments being facilitated now by us newly educated ‘experts.’ You can see what a well-designed learning tool this was. We got to review the materials with others studying the same piece, then deliver it to the rest of the team who had each similarly studied their pieces in a peer situation. There was so much reinforcement and safety built into the learning that made it fun, useful and supportive.
In addition to these larger group activities, we divided into partnerships of two several times to work through segments. With each pairing there’s always the decision of who goes first. In yesterday’s twosome, the one whose birthday was closest went first. Then the one with the fewer siblings. Very creative ways to get us started. This creativity kept what could have been an increasingly serious atmosphere light and lively.
This afternoon our instructor said, “Whoever has the longest hair goes first in your group.” A ripple of laughter started at one table until the room was in hysterics. Take a look at why.
I had the opportunity to tell my favorite college professor, Jim Cavanaugh, about the course I’ll be taking in Cambridge in a couple of weeks. It’s called Immunity to Change and deals with, as the title implies, resistance to that difficult transition we’re so often called upon to make.
He immediately got the concept and told me an entertaining story that related. Jim was my theatre professor and mentor. (The reason we’re back in touch is that he invited me to design the cover for his forthcoming book on acting–an offer I couldn’t refuse.)
Jim told me about the time when he was directing an actor in Edward Albee’s “A Delicate Balance.” It’s about a late-middle-aged couple – Harry and Edna - who have moved peremptorily into the home of their best friends, saying they had experienced a “terror” which prevented them from returning to their own home. It’s never stated in the script what that terror is. Therefore, Jim suggested that this actor think of the most frightening thing he could to access that strong emotion. Jim said, “You don’t have to tell me what you think of. Just have it in your mind for the scene.”
The actor was actually eager to share what frightened him most. Jim assumed it was death, but the actor surprised him. “What I fear most is change.”
I told Jim that I had thought about what I might use as the thing I’d like to change–my avoidance/relationship with twitter. We had a big laugh over our growing relationships with technology–his at 80, mine a few decades behind. I howled when he described what happens for him. I’m paraphrasing, but here’s the gist of it:
“Whenever you talk about anything, a picture comes into my head. That’s how I learned to understand. But, when you say ‘pdf’ – NOTHING. Wilderness! I have nothing to relate it to.”
Precisely! #hashtagFF RT whatever…
I’m very excited to be attending a training session in Boston this weekend to update my coaching skills. We will be taught by the founders of CTI–Henry and Karen Kimsey-House–who are traveling the country and the world to instruct us in a new part of the program they’ve developed.
Participants who’ve enrolled in CTI’s coaching study more recently have already been trained in this new process. The course on Saturday is intended for CPCC’s (Certified Professional Co-Active Coach), those of us already certified by CTI, to learn the new processes.
In addition to re-uning with Henry with whom I studied during my Co-Active Leadership Program, I will also see classmates from my original classes back six plus years ago. I look forward to seeing them again and hearing more about their coaching work since then.
Like this:
I know I’m late to the party, but I’ve arrived. In one of my webinar modules I quoted David Pogue talking about his conversion to twitter three years ago. After hearing all the fuss, he still didn’t ‘get’ what was so great. Until he was on a selection committee for the MacArthur grant and one of the proposed projects had a vaguely familiar ring to it. Committee members looked at each other blankly. Had this been done before? Then one committed tweeter in their group posted the question to his followers and had a response and a link within 30 seconds. The proposed project had been done, and Pogue saw the brilliance of the medium in real time.
That happened for me via Facebook this weekend. I was flattened by the stomach bug. All I could do was lie in bed and suck ice chips. With all that down time, it occurred to me to reach out via Facebook as a possible source of sympathy and help. I entered my status and asked for advice on how others got through the virus and what I might do to entertain myself in the interim.
Very quickly I had all the help I needed. Good help too. I got food recommendations as well as a link to an inspiring documentary (tomorrow’s post) on Charles and Ray Eames.
Facebook didn’t make my sickness go away, but I believe that following my friends’ advice and feeling so heartened by their love and concern made me better.
