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I met with a group of women business owners recently, where one participant whom I know and adore, shared a challenge about how crazy-busy she is. She felt frantic and incapable of prioritizing. The proverbial fires were all burning equally in her arena. Taking time to deal with one over here could cause a huge conflagration over there.
I could feel my stomach begin to get knotted up.
And then I realized that I didn’t have to fix this for her, nor do I believe she desired a solution. She wanted to vent, to be acknowledged, understood and appreciated. Don’t we all?
I asked her permission to share an observation, which she welcomed. “I’ve known you a good 20 years, Barbie (not her real name).”
She immediately interjected, “And I’ve been complaining about this issue all along, haven’t I?”
I nodded. “What I get about you is that this is how you thrive. You’ve been wildly successful in this competitive and male-dominated industry you’re in. You’ve always made your deadlines, and you actually seem to thrive on the chaos of it. Why not re-frame your attitude about the situation and enjoy the ride? Instead of beating yourself up for not being better organized, how about some new and different self-talk? Try saying, ‘I’m really good at dealing with a million balls in the air. I always pull off these presentations. All nighters are the price of admission in this field. And I love it!’”
I wasn’t sure what kind of reaction I would get from that piece of truth-telling and coaching, but Barbie’s face went from drawn to relieved. She felt heard and understood and didn’t have to change a thing about her work method, except her attitude about it.
When I emailed her this morning to ask her permission to share the incident, this was her reply:
You certainly may blog about it!! I can’t tell you how great it was to hear your words!!
I know that Mercury is in retrograde, so I understand that my technology dependency is being tampered with. But today I received an error message when I tried to access an email in my inbox. I wasn’t even allowed to open it because my C:\Documents and Settings\JaneP\Local Settings\Application Data\Microsoft\Outlook\outlook.pst had reached its maximum size. Huh?
I noticed that my trash folder had over 45,000 messages in it. I began some heavy deleting. I got aggressive, dumping hundreds of messages at once. I became ruthless. Held down the shift key until I was removing months of old emails en masse.
Now, I just spent the last 30 minutes unsubscribing from over 80 organizations that habitually flood my inbox. Enough!
I enjoyed the purging. However, will you please let me know what incredible deals I’m missing from L.L. Bean and Groupon. YOU I trust!
What business owner wouldn’t feel blessed to have 20 ready-to-work-for-you 20-somethings lining up for face time? That was the premise of an event I attended on Monday night at BeSpoke restaurant in New Haven–an elegant venue with excellent service.
Brilliantly organized by the founders of Super Interns, Julie Braun and Michelle Demers, the FastMatch™ night was exactly that. As you can see in the photo, employers sat on the banquette side of the tables and the soon-to-be interns rotated around the chairs on the inside of the room. Each match lasted 8 minutes. Scripts were provided with questions to ask of each other. Clearly, the young men and women who showed up had been primed to come with resumes, dress professionally and have a cheerful attitude. They all did.
Julie and Michelle were assisted by their own interns who took our names and information at the door and guided us to the location, handed out goodie bags at the end, took photos (exhibit A above) and generally helped the flow of the evening. The two women managed the time efficiently and explained what they were all about as well. Near the end of the event, they put out an offer to the employers to learn more about working with interns.
I attend a LOT of events. Very few (341 Studios immediately come to mind) are as well managed as this. I say this in my blog, because I value your time and would only recommend attending programs of high value. This was one.
I met about ten candidates, many of whom I would gladly find opportunities for. One has already followed up with me. I’m waiting for his references. I have a specific research project in mind for him.
Leigh Scott attended my Create Your Own Future retreat three year ago this month. During that event, we had a Come As You’ll Be activity projecting forward five years from the present. That night Leigh presented herself as the successful author of a book on parenting. She’s right on schedule.
This morning Leigh showed me a copy of her proposal–the document an author prepares for a literary agent who then sells it to a publisher. I got goosebumps when I saw what Leigh had put together. It was a spiral bound book with dividers for each of the areas required in a proposal including:
- About the book
- About the author
- Marketing
- Table of Contents
- Sample Chapter
- The Competition
And more. It took Leigh nearly a year of dedicated work to prepare this draft. She made the book her priority during this time. She made other changes as well. Knowing how much time she wanted to devote to writing, Leigh looked at her whole life and chose to make changes. She downsized her living situation to reduce her cost of living, which in turn reduced how much money she needed to earn.
These were all well-considered decisions with the vision of the book serving as the achievement that would make this worthwhile. She knew that in order to accomplish this life goal, certain activities would fall by the wayside. Making writing her priority, Leigh intentionally went without watching TV for a year. She chose to make time only for what was most important–earning enough to live while writing this book. Leigh was sure to include and pay for an accountability structure to keep her on track with her writing during the process.
In describing her feeling of satisfaction and delayed gratification, Leigh told an analogous story, perfectly related to her subject matter: parenting. A young boy had poured water on his father’s laptop computer. The father, modeling the behavior of a loving authority, explained to the child that his toy tractor was going to be taken away until the little boy carried out enough chores (suited to his level of ability–like licking envelopes and putting away toys) to make up for his dad’s loss. After four months of enforcing this ‘punishment’ the debt was repaid. The father took out the toy tractor which the little boy thought was brand new. “This is even better than the one I used to have!” he proclaimed. “It goes faster and I like it better.”
When you process something step-by-step (no shortcuts), suffer the slings and arrows of the journey, the ultimate reward is sweeter. Even if you weren’t in Westport, CT this morning, you may have felt the joy radiating out from Leigh’s pleasure in accomplishment.
Watch for Leigh’s book Becoming a Loving Authority: How to Get Out of Your Own Way as a Parent. I’ll see you at the book party!
Ronnie Ann Ryan, aka The Dating Coach, came to my Remarkable Women’s Network event last Tuesday night well prepared. (Ronnie is in the light turquoise on the right end of row 2.) She has put together a 5-day virtual expo called Dating for Keeps which she brilliantly used my event to promote.
Many people attend networking functions with no intention in mind. That’s fine, but their results often match their intentions. Nothing comes of their having attended. Because Ronnie came so well prepared, she was able to be specific in what outcomes she was looking for. One of those was to get other people to help her promote this event. I raised my hand immediately as did others in the group.
What’s also important to note here is how Ronnie took charge and created an opportunity. She put together an event, gathered other entrepreneurs in her market niche and is harnessing all that energy and excitement with an offering to the public. Even if you’re not interested in the Simple Secrets for Success in Love for Midlife Single Women, you can take inspiration from what Ronnie has created as a model of creativity and marketing.
If you are in that demographic, click here for the details of Ronnie’s upcoming expo.
In response to my blog post on Monday, the brilliant and creative Denise DiGrigoli, owner of Troy Fine Art Services, Inc., came rushing into my Remarkable Women’s Network event Tuesday evening exclaiming, “I’ve got something to show you!” Denise had written me a heartfelt response to my entry on self-promotion the day before. Last night she handed me this page from Martha Stewart which elaborately pinpoints exactly where you can find Martha–on television, on twitter (or The Twitter as Betty White so adorably calls it), at events, on the radio, on her blog and The Daily Wag which catalogs her pooches’ comings and goings. That’s how Martha is staying connected and letting her fans know where she is.
Marketing is not a passive activity. Build a website and they will come? Not anymore.
In response to Martha’s powerful example, Denise who is nothing if not a consummate go-getter created her own self-promotional version.
I challenge you to cut and paste your own version of Where To Find __________ and understand that a one-time postcard mailing or monthly newsletter is not going to get the big results. Today’s market requires multiple channels of visibility. Martha has laid them out well on her page. Borrow her example and use her variety and breadth of reach as a target.







