You are currently browsing the category archive for the 'personal development' category.
Blowing out candles at last year's party.
Most of you are taking today as a vacation day, so I’ll be brief.
I spent the past three days in NYC assisting at a coaches training course. It was an extraordinary experience being in a room with 18 very powerful coaches-in-training, two inspiring co-assistants and two master coach leaders, Nina McGuffin and Sam House.
Because I was so thoroughly engaged during that time, I’ve given myself today to play catch-up and rest. Also, since tomorrow’s my birthday AND Independence Day, I’m enjoying the quiet of no phones ringing and a chance to respond to 200+ emails waiting in my inbox.
I’ve got an awesome day planned tomorrow. I learned many years ago that if I wanted to have a special and memorable birthday, I would need to let people know it was an important day for me.
A dear friend has opened her home to members of our fellowship for a breakfast celebration. One of the great things about being born on a holiday is that everyone has the day off. If you get them early enough in the day (7:30-10am) , they haven’t left for the beach or backyard picnic yet.
My daughter and son-in-law got us all tickets to see God of Carnage, the Tony Award winner for Best Play in 2009 for tomorrow night. We’ll meet for dinner before the show, stay in Manhattan overnight, walk the High Line in the morning, then see Waiting for Godot at a Sunday matinee. It doesn’t get any better than this in my book.
I am blessed and very happy to be celebrating another year.
I could be wrong, but my hunch is that most people who are reading my blog are not in mourning for Michael Jackson or Farrah Fawcett. I am truly sorry for their untimely passing and respect their hard-earned celebrity stature. There are many places where this topic will have wide readership and opportunity for discussion. That said, I’ll move on.
I got a new action partner last week as the result of my visit to Provincetown. My good friend Doreen and I participated in a Mastermind Session during my short visit. In her share, Doreen mentioned wanting more accountability. Since she’s one of my favorite people on the planet and someone whose opinion I regard highly and seek out regularly, it made sense to ask, “Want to be my goal buddy?”
I asked without being attached to the outcome. I knew that it would be delightful to be in touch with Doreen frequently and share our visions and action steps. But I also knew that it would be equally okay if she said no. I’m already in a local monthly Mastermind Group, in addition to another that meets weekly. Both record goals. I enjoy being challenged and held accountable whenever I see an opportunity that feels like the bar is being raised.
In accepting my offer, Doreen said, “My feet are already hot.”
I do have a reputation for holding my clients’ feet to the fire. That’s why most sign on and also why many don’t. I like it that way.
I’ve been staring at two vision boards that hang on the inside of my closet door daily for several years now. The very first one I ever created, before these two, came to fruition within a short time. I made it by cutting and pasting images of the places, people and things I wanted in my life. I visited Japan, renovated our master bath, created a forum for high-level artistic women, entertained good friends and emulated Julie Morgenstern.
These two newer boards are taking longer to manifest. I’ve been gazing at yoginis in impossible postures, lap pools and exotic locales. And Oprah. I realized just how long I’d had these boards in my closet when Oprah’s picture fell off. The glue which had been holding her attached to my vision had dried up. I lovingly placed her image in my jewelry box so I could continue to envision having her in my life. I’m still not sure what I’m looking for–hence the vision board–I just know it includes Oprah in some form.
The reason I’m writing about this is that I believe it’s important to know what you want and to place your ad with the Universe. Clients recently have told me what they don’t want: aggravating clients, too little income, work that bores them. Among other recommendations I always suggest a vision statement or board so that they will become crystal clear and focus on what they do want.
Vacations in our house have always been affectionately referred to as vaycos. Not sure how you’d spell it, but it’s pronounced like the title of this post. Being married to a public school administrator (English Department Chair–retired since 2001) for all these years, the closer the calendar got to spring vacation, summer break or the winter holidays, the more joyful the household became with the impending promise of time off.
Since my calendar is no longer defined by school breaks but by my own decision making, I have declared these last few weeks in June “time for fun.” So many people, who are more school calendar based, are in transitions–graduations, reunions, weddings, etc. I know it’s a good time to plan time off and not frustrate myself waiting for prospects to get back to me or lining up meetings.
I started my vay-co status last Friday accompanied by one of my closest friends. We trained into New York City to a Korean spa for an afternoon of massage, body scrub, facial, shampoo, sauna and steam bath ($130).
On Sunday I traveled to Provincetown with another good friend (Nancy Moon, who did the video clip above) where two more good friends own the Inn at Cook Street. We enjoyed each others’ company, great meals together (the breakfast at the Inn is awesome!), a walk up and down Commercial Street and the fresh Cape Cod air.
Tonight starts the most ambitious leg of vacation as I fly to Dublin to visit my dear friend Linda Carr, the woman who gave me the biggest boost in my early days as a craft artist. Now, 30+ years later, she’s living in Ireland for two years and has invited me to play tourist with her. I’m so excited to travel there for the first time and have nothing on my schedule but exploration, friendship and relaxation.
Since entrepreneurs create their own futures all the time, this is a reminder to establish vay-co time on your calendar. When I say, via my tag line, that I lead remarkable women to uncommon success, I’m simply doing my job by practicing self-care and sharing the journey with you.
Thirty-five women filled Artifact Design Gallery Wednesday night–my 3rd Remarkable Women Networking event. The place was abuzz with the energy and enthusiasm of these amazing women. Photo – Owner Elizabeth Clark (right) above with ASID-CT Past President and remarkable woman Terry Scarborough both in attendance.
The recipe for success is simple and straightforward.
- I open the event to my database
- Find a woman-owned business location
- Provide light food and beverages
- Keep a tightly focused agenda for strategic networking.
Each person has the opportunity to introduce herself to the group as a whole. We then break up into smaller groups for ’speed networking.’ After each of the women in those groups has had her time to share and get feedback, we rotate groups. By the end of the night, every attendee has interacted on a personal level with at least six other women.
I came home that night thoroughly exhausted. I was so tired that I canceled plans for an early morning beach walk thinking I’d never get up. Without the aid of my alarm clock, I naturally woke up before 5AM and was filled with excitement and energy.
Paradoxically, the more energy I use doing what I love, the more energy is restored to me. Help me out on who said this (I’m thinking Maya Angelou, but couldn’t find the quote on google)–I want God to use me up. I am so clear that my purpose here on earth is to empower women, particularly women who are following their passions. I am serving that cause with every fiber of my being. While I may get tired (standing on line at Stew Leonard’s to pick up the catering order and schlepping bottles of Pellegrino from my car to Artifact), I am fully restored by the rewards of this work.
My daughter and I went to J. Crew a few weeks back where an old acquaintance recognized me and said hello. I couldn’t identify her at first–that’s how long it’s been–but as soon as she re-introduced herself I had an immediate internal feeling that was a tad queasy. Here comes that trust-your-gut advice again…
She is one of those super-friendly people who shows incredible interest in you and is ultra-gracious. You know the kind. They make you feel like you walk on water and you just want to be around their worshiping words. This woman asked all about what I was doing. When I told her, she was so impressed she immediately offered to have her husband contact me. “You’d be perfect to speak to his university classes. It’s so hard for him to find great women entrepreneurs to talk to his students! And,” she said, “I need a coach and would love to work with you. Do you have a card?”
As my wise and wonderful daughter and I walked back to the parking lot she turned to me and said, “You’ll never hear from her.” Of course, she was right. That was a month ago. The old queasy feeling I had was based on past experience with this same woman. I remembered that a couple of decades ago this ‘friend’ filled my calendar with lunch dates and other tempting plans, then canceled each one as they came up. She taught me to not trust her word.
It’s taken me a long time in business to sort through the false gods promising a quick buck or instant success. In the midst of writing this entry I had an email exchange with a long-time client who has been on hiatus for a few months. Within an hour we worked out how she would move forward in the fall, what dates she wanted and a payment plan. No empty promises or false hopes. I’ll fill my buckets with the less flashy and more dependable sources I’ve been cultivating, not the ones whose words and actions don’t match.
I just came back from seeing Every Little Step, a documentary film about the re-making of A Chorus Line on Broadway. You get to see hundreds of the world’s most talented singers and dancers compete for 24 roles. The auditioners see their competition and the decision makers face-to-face. They have less than five minutes to show up, perform and have their fates decided.
The take-aways from the movie are enormous. First of all, Michael Bennett had such a huge vision, enormous patience and a way of sharing his message which enrolled the likes of Joseph Papp. After Bennett enthusiastically shared a before unheard of concept about how to ‘put on a show’, the founder of New York’s Public Theatre offered him and everyone involved in the project $100 a week to ‘workshop’ it until it became something.
Marvin Hamlisch, the composer for A Chorus Line, shares a few choice tidbits on how the show got tweaked and won the audience’s favor with some simple changes. For a while the audiences were leaving disgruntled. Listening to a respected viewer, they adjusted the story line and began receiving standing ovations.
Watching all of these outstandingly capable, beautiful and talented performers appear so vulnerably gave me pause. As an entrepreneur, most of my outreach/auditioning is done via cyberspace, phone or blogging. Tomorrow, when I pick up the phone to ask a satisfied client for a referral I’ll say a prayer of gratitude that there aren’t 12 other coaches there in the same room with me and him making the identical request.
Perspective can be a beautiful thing.
Brad Isaacs and I had our first West Coast offer of an Invitation to Get Real workshop scheduled in Santa Barbara May 7–last Thursday. Amidst reports of wild fires, we drove down the coast (from Brad’s home in San Luis Obispo) only to see the city obscured by smoke. It felt weird and selfish worrying about whether or not our workshop would be affected when thousands were being evacuated from their homes. Fortunately, no lives were lost and our workshop was held.
We had a great gathering there at La Casa de Maria Retreat and Conference Center. Here’s what one participant wrote:
How can I ever thank you for the day that changed my life? The workshop was fabulous and gave me clarity about my life and career. I feel so relaxed and confident now, but ready to go out and achieve my dreams. ~Jan Mollet Evans, Marketing Consultant
After Thursday’s program, Brad and I drove up to the San Francisco area to deliver our second workshop that week in Burlingame. We are both committed to helping people face their ‘gremlins’ head-on and learn to recognize and move forward. It’s sacred work. We feel honored and privileged to be doing this and grateful that our Coaches Training Institute Leadership program brought us together and to a level where we can create and share this.
Each of us has lessons to learn at any given time in our lives. The Universe delivers opportunities often cloaked as annoyances or challenges calling us to take the next step in our development. It’s very easy for me to see and coach others’ growth edges. It’s not as easy for me to observe or negotiate my own.
First an easy (non-coaching) scenario: I attend a fellowship meeting in a building where several groups convene at the same time. There’s a particularly noisy crowd across the hall from my session. A colleague in my room was disturbed by its volume and said, “Would one of you go over there and ask them to close the door?” I responded that I wasn’t bothered by it, but if she was, she could deal with it. It was a clear-cut illustration of who owned the problem. It was hers to respond to.
What’s been repeatedly coming up for me these days (well, always really…) is other people’s lateness. It’s a boundary issue–clients calling 5-10 minutes late, canceling within the 24-hour time frame I request, and the no-show’s or excuse makers in groups that are dependent on all members’ compliance. When I have to deal with this ‘misbehavior’ I tense up.
I discussed this with my coach because I don’t like the feeling of being rigid or inflexible. It feels hard. I physically tighten up and I don’t like the sensation. Complicating this is an expression I’d love to live by: wear life like a loose garment. I’m trying to reconcile that approach with this uncomfortable internal intensity.
Michele reframed it for me. My stand for impeccability in the form of punctuality is a strength. It doesn’t work for me to have the container of my relationships, group or team compromised by others behavior.
What’s actually hard is my not owning the truth of it. It doesn’t work for me. Simple as that. Yet, I find it difficult to say those words. That’s my growing edge. To simply and clearly take a stand for what has meaning for me.
I know this. I teach this, and I forget it.
I remember in my early parenting days hearing moms complain that all their two year old would eat was hot dogs and spaghetti. I tried to picture the toddler shopping at the A & P and filling his cart with Hebrew National franks and Ronzoni pasta. Of course, I’m being facetious. While the child wasn’t in charge of the groceries, it appeared he was in charge of the adult.
I frequently hear my clients bemoaning the fact that there’s just not enough time to do what they really want to do–write, create, work on their marketing materials, etc.–because of the other demands on their lives. When I dig a little deeper, which I always do, I find that these clients are putting secondary priorities ahead of what they say they really want.
It’s fine to go for physical therapy, show up for your child’s teacher conference and take care of an ailing family member. We all have those necessities to attend to. What I strongly urge, though, is that you set aside sacred time for what is important to you and honor that so the car repairs, dentist’s appointments and grocery shopping are not done during your best working hours.
In a session yesterday, a client of mine with a global idea, just committed to spending 8 hours a week on research. That means that she may choose to go to the library each Sunday from 1-5pm in addition to finding one hour four times a week for this piece of her business development. By July she will have spent 64 hours digging into the topic she’s passionate about and will undoubtedly have increased her expertise exponentially.
After she experienced the feeling of having all that time for exploration, she said, “Maybe I’ll give up that tennis game we talked about earlier.” Her priorities and mission became clearer and she realized that she was in charge of how quickly her dream might become a reality.
If you find yourself thinking, it’s not happening fast enough, I’m not where I want to be, and everything else is taking priority in my life, you might want to ask yourself who’s spending your time.
