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As seen at Dr. Honig’s Office
What do difficult clients and getting root canal have to do with each other?
Well, actually, as I re-read that question, it makes sense to compare the two. They can both be extremely painful, and you probably wouldn’t look forward to either.
But that wasn’t the original connection I was going for. As I was leaving my root canalist’s office last week I glimpsed this jar on his counter. Of course, it made me laugh out loud because as you may remember from a previous blog entry, the dentist’s chair is my least favorite place to be. His decorative urn made me pause to consider what constituted a ‘problem patient’ and if I would be so designated.
As a patient, I never thought of myself as a client, but of course, it’s just another designation for one who pays for your services. I never considered my behavior from the dentist’s point of view, which is how all trying clients must think–not from the perspective of whom they’re impacting, right?
Difficult Clients is the topic of discussion at my upcoming Remarkable Women’s Network session on June 28. I will invite attendees to share their challenges with me as I coach them through scenarios they are facing. Should be a fun night to participate in and also to observe.
I inquired from my gentle and capable dentist, Dr. Honig, if I were a candidate for the jar. “Not you,” he generously replied. He then took a pad of small Post-It notes, held it up and said, “HIPAA prevents me from writing down real names, so I just put their initials on these pieces of paper and put them in the jar.” Evidently lateness and lack of payment are far worse offenses than fear and trepidation.
He’s very patient with me. I spend the first 10-15 minutes of our time together numbing out, then getting my iPod cued up for listening to music while he drills, followed by clutching the arms of the dental chair till my knuckles turn white. The first song to come on that morning was from my Jersey Boys album and it was “Big Girls Don’t Cry.” How ironic.
I received this testimonial from a client I worked with a few years ago. I was so happy that she shared it with me that I asked her permission to share it (anonymously) with you. I hope you feel as inspired and motivated as I did reading it.
Short story: I’m speaking in two weeks at the XXX* conference, sponsored by Xxxxx* Women. I reached out to the president to ask if there was a room rate at the Crowne Plaze where the conference will take place (in Any City*, ST*) . She responded with the name of her contact and the room rate. After writing the contact I thought; (channeling your lessons) ‘Wait a minute, I’m traveling, speaking (and not being paid) shouldn’t I ask my host to pick up the tab for my room?’ So I took a deep breath, wrote her and asked, and lo and behold the answer was YES. Had I not asked, I’d be paying for my own room and not feeling very good about it.
*Names changed to protect the innocent.
I congratulated my client for her courage and action. I hope you are inspired to ask for something you need today.
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Wheel of Life
Like many of you, I’ve been going through major transitions in the last couple of years. The economy has definitely impacted my business, and my personal life has also changed substantially. My long-term marriage came to an end, and a new relationship is beginning to blossom. I changed residences, took on new responsibilities and let go of others.
I’m finding that it’s time for me to re-evaluate my own priorities by using a coaching tool I offer every new client. It’s called the Wheel of Life, and it allows me to see a snapshot of what’s working and what isn’t working in the areas of career, money, physical environment, significant other/romance, personal development, family and friends, fun and recreation and health.
The idea of the wheel is to rank each of these categories, notice where the gaps are between where you are and where you’d like to be, and how evenly distributed these areas of your life are. How smooth is the ride if your career is at a 6, but your health is at a 3?
In looking at my own, I realize that I’m now choosing to focus more on fun and recreation and romance than any of the other pie pieces. As many of you have recently reflected back to me, I’ve been operating at a high level of self-sufficiency and can take my foot off the gas for awhile and still have plenty of forward momentum. That’s what I’m choosing consciously to do.
I have decided to take the month of July off from marketing, webinars, blogging and networking. I’m going to be quiet, relax, hike, spend time in nature and swing in a hammock during this time. I’m going to vacation with my kids for several days.
I’ll be attending the Kushi Macrobiotic Conference again (my 5th time) and will use the rest of the month to relax, swim, read and pore through old journals for inspiration and instruction. I’m going to watch grass grow and spend time doing nothing.
I often recommend this to my own clients. Now the coach is taking her own prescription and trusting that the Universe wants exactly that from me–to do nothing and allow it to manifest whatever is next. There’s a heap of trust involved in letting go to this extent, but I’m crystal clear that it’s what I need to do.
I’m looking forward to a busy June and an August that is full of promises for the fall. I know I’ll return to my office renewed and reinvigorated. You can look forward to a full report (after a month of silence) when I get back.
Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.
~Rumi
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One of the reasons I just joined Ladies Who Launch was to be sure to claim my space at Kristin van Ogtrop’s talk last week in Greenwich. I knew it would be a sell-out and that members would receive priority. I became a platinum member and slid onto the list of attendees.
She was fabulous!
To get a sense of Kristin’s outlook and humor I recommend buying her book (seen here), but to give you a small appetizer, here are two of my favorite points she made during her talk that night:
#3 – If you don’t have a thick skin, learn to heal quickly.
She showed an actual email she’d received (the person’s email name and address included!) that was insulting and rude as an example of what she occasionally contends with. That really got my attention as I have recently been on the receiving end of others’ ire. When you’re a public figure of any dimension, you do become a target. I liked her directive to deal with the hurt and move on rapidly. I’ve been applying that wisdom to good advantage.
I remember a Newsday poll from many years ago that named Howard Stern as the best-loved radio personality. He was simultaneously named the most-hated radio personality. Fame (or any public notice) will often be a double-edged sword.
My other favorite point Kristin made was:
#4 – Don’t exceed your own personal speed limit.
That’s easily understood and could be a screen saver on your computer monitor. How often do you take on more than you can accomplish in a day? That little word “no” (which Kristin recommended liberal use of) will help keep your travel lane flowing smoothly.
In addition to hearing Kristin speak, I’m delighted to be a new member of Ladies Who Launch which is being so well run by Kathy McShane who is devoted to helping women business owners succeed. I share that passion with Kathy and am excited about joining forces with her to serve our community and beyond.
My beloved professor and some of his collection
My primary reason for visiting Savannah earlier this week was to visit my good friend Meredith Gray in her new digs. She moved from Connecticut last fall after one too many winters in the Northeast.
Coincidentally, I’d recently heard from another dear friend in GA, my college professor Jim Cavanaugh, who has written a book on acting and invited me to design its cover. I asked Jim about the distance from Savannah to his home on St. Simons Island. Perhaps I could hand-deliver the artwork since I was flying south anyway. Graciously, Meredith willingly chauffeured me to a brunch date with Jim which provided the opportunity to present him his cover. He loved it!
What a treat to be in Jim’s company again after more than 20 years since we’d last seen each other at a reunion. I had had a double major at Mount Holyoke–Studio Art and Theatre. I was a backstage person designing sets, logos and props for many productions. Jim has saved many pieces of the work I did back then including the logo for The Caucasian Chalk Circle (hanging above my head) and the bunraku puppet (next to it) which I had made representing the child in that production during my senior year.
There was something extraordinary about seeing artwork I had created 40 years ago. It surprised me that I liked it. And I was touched that Jim had it so prominently displayed throughout his home. What a gift it is to maintain relationships over the decades and to have the opportunity to revisit them. It’s important to me to keep up with my friendships and to make time for seeing the people I love.
Do you feel that way too?
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Scarlett DeBease-My wardrobe and make-up consultant at 8am--pre-TEDx
I gave my TEDx talk my all on Saturday and I’m satisfied with my performance and also happy that it’s behind me now. It was an incredible opportunity to speak at such an extraordinarily well-executed event. Jeremey Donovan and his team did an outstanding job of coordinating nine speakers and all the logistics that went into creating a TEDx program–no small feat.
There was a timely essay in The New York Times Book Review yesterday by Susan Cain who gave her own TED talk in February about being an introvert–already an intriguing premise. Imagine being an introvert and having to present in front of 1500 people! Here’s a quote from that article describing how highly she regarded this opportunity:
The week before the conference, I canceled everything on my calendar other than bath time with my kids. Instead of writing and reading and working, I hired an acting coach, Jim, and rehearsed all day, every day, Monday through Saturday.
It served her well. Over two million people have watched the video of her speech The Power of Introverts. This makes me feel more secure in telling you how much I invested in my experience. I, too, hired a speech coach. I wanted to be sure that my talk was on point, that the order of my stories made sense, that I had the right images to accompany those stories, and that my gestures matched my words and conveyed my enthusiasm.
In addition, I hired someone to help me with my appearance on THE DAY. We met an hour before showtime for hair and make-up. I also made arrangements to have the event photographically documented. I saw this as a major opportunity and I did everything within my power to capitalize on its outcome.
This is also called risk-taking. There is no guarantee that I will get anything in return for my investment of time, energy, brain power and financial resources. That’s the nature of risks. But, I believe that I will and used every resource I had to achieve that. Time will tell.
One of the lessons I’ve learned is that even if this TEDx experience doesn’t become the turning point in my life that I optimistically wish for, the story of its unfolding will provide great material for whatever does show up for me next.
Kristen Walsh being coached by me.
An unusual kind of bonding went on last night during my Remarkable Women’s Network event. As each woman business owner introduced herself, she also mentioned her own particular brand of gremlin voice.
Heads nodded as one woman talked about having to be perfect, another mentioned the fear of claiming to be an artist (how dare she!), while others talked about feeling like an impostor or being too young or too old for her industry. Instead of the more typical self-intro’s you hear at networking events, I asked participants to lead with something that made them each vulnerable.
And you know what? I’ve never had a more successful or intimate session than this one. Attendees stayed well past the 7:30pm end time and were still exchanging information, leads and referrals as they walked out the door.
In addition to our usual round robin of self-introductions, I also coached five of the participants through a specific gremlin issue using a different ‘combat’ technique with each woman. Pictured here is Kristen Walsh, an ARTIST, who does fiber sculptures, wearable pieces and teaches too. During our demo coaching session she described what an ideal scenario would be for an exhibit of her work. She was totally confident, knowledgeable and compelling as she described the setting. The point I was making, and she so clearly demonstrated, is that when you’re in action mode (i.e. actively talking about your vision or pursuing it), gremlins run for cover.
Kristen had mentioned during that night’s coaching time together how much she also enjoys teaching. I do not consider it a coincidence that I received an email message from Kristen later that night saying this:
Just wanted to reiterate how much I enjoyed the tea this evening and how much I got out of it. You’re right… I felt like a different person afterwards! You ask such interesting and insightful questions.
Just have to share…. I came home to find out I got a teaching position at the Mid-Atlantic Fiber Association’s big conference held every two years (I’ll teach in 2013). AND they’re paying more than I asked for. How cool is that!
One tip to leave you with: A great antidote to gremlins taking over your brain is to talk to someone about them. Outing them is a fine repellant.
One of the most telling comments I’ve remembered over the years regarding ‘the voices’ we (all) hear in our heads was the speaker who suggested to skeptics, “You know…the voices. Like the one speaking to you right now saying you don’t have any voices in your head. Those voices.”
I have yet to meet anyone who’s swimming solo out there.
But the voices disguise themselves very well. We believe them, that they’re actually our thoughts and some form of higher wisdom. I don’t know about you, but my voices never reinforce the powerful intuitions I receive, the hits of creativity and originality, the inspired thoughts that come my way. In fact, they’re each about one car-length behind those more generous thoughts with their specially crafted brand of negativity and advice.
On Monday night, April 2, my Remarkable Women’s Network theme is a Gremlin Tea Party. I’m inviting those critters in, along with 30+ remarkable women, to duke it out. As a longtime coach, I know how to deal with these saboteurs. My coach calls them con artists. Whatever name they go by in your vocabulary, they’re dream killers, and I want to exact revenge.
During the evening I’ll offer several strategies for confronting these voices. Five women business owners will be offered the chance to coach with me on how to deal with statements like these that come out of the mouths of those creatures:
- “Who do you think you are?”
- “No one will pay for that!”
- “You call yourself an expert?!”
Everyone there will benefit from the strategies and tools I use to deal with these impostors. I’ve done it before at my goal setting retreats, and the transformation is palpable. Like throwing water on the Wicked Witch of the West. These mean-spirited entities dissolve and disappear when they’re called out in public.
I hope you can join me next week (register here for one of the few remaining spots) or send a comment and let me know your familiar voice’s ‘advice’ to you.
While on the Holistic Holiday at Sea a few weeks ago, I had the privilege of hearing many experts speak. One of the most compelling classes I attended was titled The 5 Essentials of Health given by Christina Pirello. Her own personal journey to health is amazing. Click the link on her name for a short version. As I enumerate Christina’s ‘levels of health,’ see if you agree with me that these are vital qualities for any business owner to be aware of and strive towards. This list is from my note-taking and may not be word-for-word how Christina describes them.
- Clarity of thought – results in decisive action
- Appetite for life – cannot wait to start your day
- Good sleep – This can be highly underrated
- Good memory – This piggy-backs on good sleep where everything regenerates
- Energy – Stamina and endurance
I’d be curious to hear how you’re doing with these essentials and if you think she’s missed anything. Personally, I think she’s covered the bases very well.
Before going into the levels of health, Christina helped us understand the levels of illness. What surprised me was that the #1 issue is fatigue. I hear so many people say, when asked how their health is, “I’m fine.” But if you probe a little deeper, exhaustion often comes up. “I’m fine. I’m just tired.” We tend to overlook this as a health concern, so I perked up when she listed that first as it’s quite an attention-getter.
I’m not a health coach, but this level of self-awareness is a key component in my client’s success. Is it time to take another look at your own energy level, memory, etc?
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I am not happy with priceline.com. I booked a 3-star hotel in Boston near the facility for my coach training this weekend. When I mentioned where I was headed to a good friend who used to live in Boston, her words to me were, “Be careful!” Not what you want to hear when you’re traveling solo.
I knew when I pulled into the parking lot of the Chelsea Wyndham that I should have spent the $30-50 extra to stay right at the venue where my class would be. But, ever frugal, I tried to outsmart the system. When I checked in at the reception desk I received a small note that fit into the hotel room key card holder. Here’s what it said:
For you Protection: Please remove all valuables from your vehicle. Do not leave electronic devices, Cables, Laptops, GPS Navigation Systems and mounting devices in your Vehicle [sic].
“You mean,” I asked the receptionist, “that I need to take down that rubber device that attaches my GPS onto the windshield?”
“Oh, yes,” she said. “And we can easily provide you with this Wet One and some towels so that you can rub off any marking that shows you have one.”
Now that’s a perk I’d prefer not to have next time I stay in a hotel.
P.S. I’m back safe and sound…not to mention wiser.
