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Someone asked me today if there’d been a full moon (it was full, huge and beautiful last night), because the atmosphere felt fraught with unpleasantness. I knew what she meant. I’ve been experiencing some push-back and hearing tales from others that it’s choppy waters out there. Whether it’s the turn of the calendar page, the back-biting among our nation’s candidates or holiday hangover, something’s in the air.
What’s a woman business owner to do?
What has gotten me through over the years is positive self-talk and mantras that affirm that this is normal and to be expected. Rosabeth Moss Kanter, from the Harvard Business School, says that her ‘personal law of management, if not life, is that everything looks like a disaster in the middle.’
I also love the saying that the higher up the mountain you go, the harder the wind blows.
And that mastery is less about your skill set than your recovery time.
I’ve had a few confrontations already this year and have faced them square on. I don’t always like the outcome, but the issues are dealt with and done, which beats dragging garbage bags full of resentments with me wherever I go. My side of the street is clean. Not everyone may like what I do, but I’m comfortable with the decisions I’ve made.
What has helped me most is a reliable source of support. I’ve created many safe havens for myself in my years as a business owner. Interestingly, and this must be why this is popping up right now, my next webinar module (after this week’s on Communicating Your Message) is entitled Establishing Support Systems for your business. I have individuals to call upon, my own coach, my own mastermind team, and weekly groups where I go and share my current issues and receive supportive feedback. I know that I’m not alone, and a burden shared is a burden halved.
My favorite mantra of all, which someone reminded me about just today, is “Don’t quit before the miracle.” You’re not alone.
I’m back! The most significant takeaway from my wonderful trip to Mexico and California was that for the entire week at Rancho La Puerta I was fully present and never thought about home, work, responsibilities, finances, 2012 or anything other than what I was currently engaged in at the moment.
I just said to a friend in conversation that it was like a really good night’s sleep with amazing dreams that are now positive deposits in my energy and happiness bank accounts.
The Ranch, as it is called by repeat visitors, is exquisitely landscaped. It is impossible to see too far down any road because of the twists and turns, high hedges and dense foliage. Truthfully, I kept getting lost because there were no visible landmarks to center me. I found out late in the week that the layout of the 3000+ acres was intentionally created to prevent left-brain thinking (which is the linear side?). Anwyay, it worked.
I delivered my two talks there and successfully and motivated several participants to live into their dreams, particularly around performing. I love that look of terror and delight when I encourage an audience member, for instance, to call the caberet she wants to perform at by January 5.
I’m also happy to be back. I love the life I’ve created for myself which includes working with amazing women entrepreneurs, having time for self-care, and especially time for my friends and family.
I’m taking the afternoon off to see Hugh Jackman on Broadway with my daughter Lindsey knowing that I’ll spend tomorrow afternoon in the library completing another module of my webinar program. I’m so grateful for the flexibility of creating my own schedule and the generosity of my employer.
Happy New Year to you all!
I know. I can hear you all thanking me for being your role model for extreme self-care. I told my coach the other day that I feel like I’m in the Olympics of self-care these days.
I leave bright and early tomorrow morning for a week at a resort. I do have some responsibility while I’m there–giving two talks. But, mostly I’ll be R&R’ing. I plan to hike, take aqua-fit classes, meditate and do yoga. All of my meals will be prepared with food from their organic gardens. No beds to make, no decisions to make either, other than hot stone massage or herbal wrap.
The resort is Rancho La Puerta. Watch the incredible history-movie.html about its origins. I was so inspired by the owner’s story. It’s now a high-end spa, but when she and her husband began it 40 years ago, you brought your own tent and it cost $17.50 a week.
My outgoing messages say that I am out of the country and will not be returning calls until December 28. I plan to turn off all electronics and totally relax and recharge for 2012. No blogs or newsletters until early January either.
I hope you’ll take designated time for yourself during this hectic season to use however you choose, whether it’s an hour, a day or more. If you happen to be taking my webinar and read this, you get extra credit for letting me know what you did for YOU.
Last Friday night I went to Debra Somerville’s photography Studio Opening event in Westport where lots of chic patrons, friends and family helped Debra ‘break in’ her new space. One of the very cool things about the opening, in addition to Debra’s brilliant photographs on the wall, was the interior design by a young man (under 20!)
He, Sam Allen, was recently featured on the CBS morning news. Part of that segment was taped in Debra’s newly designed space. When asked what her friends thought of her hiring a teenager to take on such a high stakes project, Debra, who already knew of Sam’s massive talent replied, “I didn’t tell them.”
One of my newest friends, Joan Blumenfeld, invited me to her 80th birthday party which had been months in the planning. First of all, you’d never believe Joan is 80, and second, the party featured her dancing partners from the Fred Astaire studios, as well as her dance-mates from the ballet classes she attends regularly. When Joan spoke that night, she gave us five tips for staying young. My favorite–which she demonstrates so gracefully–was “Keep moving!”
The other amazing friend who was celebrated recently is Malene Barnett. She was on the Nate Berkus show yesterday, and what a great job they did featuring her and her work. I’ll let you watch it and see for yourself. Can I tell you that I knew Malene ‘when’. It is exciting and inspiring to see this piece of film that captures her journey, her talent and her creativity so well.
Life is good!
Joan (on left) at one of my Remarkable Women's Network events
My walk at the beach this morning yielded not only a great workout with a friend, but also a topic for today’s post. My co-walker talked about forking over $50+ a month to keep her website alive hoping for a few eyeballs to visit it every month. “Have there been many eyeballs lately,” I inquired. “No,” she replied. I asked her if she listened to the music being played on her website, which is its main functionality. “No,” she replied again. “I’m really a visual person. I prefer silence.”
As we continued onto mile 2, I shared about the new identity I’m going to be launching in 2012. I’ve had my current logo and stationery materials for six years, and it was time for a change. I have at least one unused box of envelopes with the old logo as well as several shrink-wrapped packages of note cards and mailing labels I over-ardently purchased for the steep savings on quantity orders. To me, these stacks of logo-ed materials represent thousands of dollars. They also take up lots of physical space in my office.
We made a handshake agreement. I will dump the old logo stationery and she will discontinue the website payments. We both agreed to let go of the anchors weighing us down.
I told my friend the story of the monkey and the bananas. In order to free ourselves to do great things, we have to let go of the banana in the jar. It’s all about letting go. Anything you need to let go of today?
I had invited a friend from NYC to have dinner with me one evening several months ago. We spoke earlier in the day to nail down her arrival time at the Westport train station. She said, “I’m not really accomplishing anything now because I’m already in ‘leaving’ energy.” I loved that!
Sometimes the energy of an upcoming experience or holiday shapes our current moments and renders us happily useless to accomplish other tasks. I say, give in to that energy and let it wash over you.
As I shopped Whole Foods this afternoon for salad ingredients for my Thanksgiving contribution tomorrow, I knew that I was not going to get back to my desk to work on my next webinar module. I was going to relax, enjoy a call with my coach, meditate and have a light dinner. I also bought a ticket to see the 3-D version of Hugo, the new Martin Scorsese movie.
May the joy of Thanksgiving and the energy you feel around this special holiday fill you and carry you throughout the weekend.
On my drive from Tucson, where the retreat was held en route to the airport in Phoenix, I saw a spectacular rainbow–in Arizona! Over the desert. Not what you’d expect. That pretty much sums up my fabulous experience at Miraval with 100+ MORE readers plus the magazine’s editorial staff and publisher. To say it exceeded my expectations would be an understatement.
The facility is magnificent–a resort built at the base of the Santa Catalina Mountains–with lavish accommodations and multiple athletic, spa and spiritual offerings to please any patron. But the true value of my experience began during the Meet the Editors welcome the first evening there. I sat in the front row and was immediately extended a warm welcome by the woman seated to my right, Natalie Caine. 
Within two minutes it was clear that I was in the right place. I’m going to speak at Rancho La Puerta next month, and Natalie had just returned from her own speaking engagement there. Now, really. What are the chances of that serendipitous alignment of stars?! We became fast friends and had breakfast together daily.
The highlight of Day 2 was participating in the Equine Experience where I was well instructed on how to groom a horse including getting him to lift his hooves for me to clean. After that I was taught how to have my horse go from a walk to a trot and change directions in the ring simply by directing my energy core towards his and setting my intention. I’ve got the pictures to prove that I was able to accomplish this amazing feat. Amazing to me, anyway.
Throughout these experiences and meals I kept meeting remarkable women from all over the US. Conversations were spontaneous and quickly intimate, which I loved.
When I got back to the ‘main campus’ after the horse experience, one of the women I’d met in that group spotted a jeweler, Marybeth Johnson, she’d previously encountered who was exhibiting her work in the Miraval shop.
I was immediately drawn not only to the beauty and spirituality of this woman’s pieces, but also to her gentle and loving energy. We had a couple of wonderful conversations, as I had already walked the path she was currently on and could lend some thoughts and advice for her journey. She was a receptive audience, and we became fast friends.
My original intention for going to this long weekend event was to meet Barbara Bigford whom I’d written about after she’d been featured in MORE. Her story is truly inspirational, and what I admired most about Barbara, who shared her story at lunch on Friday–”From Idea to Barcode”– is her willingness to go to any lengths for her business in a low-key, tenacious and graceful way. She shared her wild success, but also her steep learning curve and mistakes made along the way. Employed as a dental hygienist before becoming a business mogul, you can imagine how inspiring her story was.
The day after her talk, Barbara and I met up for a morning walk and talk about retirement co-sponsored by MORE and Wells Fargo. We hiked the grounds of the resort, then assembled by a bonfire 
to hear about financial planning and share our concerns with the Deputy Editor of MORE whose focus is personal finance and work–Jennifer Braunschweiger.
I could go on… It was filling, inspiring, nurturing, fun and important. Join me next year!
When I signed up for the Meet the Editors event at Miraval Spa in Tucson last June, I had no idea how well-timed this getaway retreat would be. These last few weeks have been intensely full and productive with my recent free webinar and subsequent sell-out of the actual 8-session course starting next week.
I’ve wrapped up all the trimmings for the first session on 11/17, so feel really good about taking a long weekend of rest, renewal and some pretty cool networking.
My coach asked me what my ‘high dream’ would be around the event. What would be the best outcome? I don’t know how this came out of my mouth, but ‘a column’ was what I responded. I’ve got copies of my book to distribute–I shipped them ahead to avoid shlepping them on the plane. And I believe I walk the talk of a Soul Proprietor. A monthly column geared toward women-owned businesses would work beautifully in that publication.
Earl Nightingale said that “Luck is when preparedness meets opportunity.” Wish me luck!
Photo permission Katie Settel Photography
“Oh, hello Oprah. Yes, can I call you back? I’m in the middle of my Come As You’ll Be event.”
I explained to the assembled superstars at my networking event that now, in the year 2016, I have limited my coaching practice to the most successful women entrepreneurs in the country–Oprah, Michelle Obama (now operating her global organic gardening business), and Lady Gaga who wanted a Mastermind Group to support her in her continuing meteoric rise to the top–to name a few. Oops, I shouldn’t be breaking their anonymity…
The event that took place at Denise DiGrigoli’s Troy Fine Art was a blast into the future. As each woman business owner walked into 2016, the paparazzi flashed her picture, and she was welcomed into that year. As we went around the room and introduced ourselves, the smiles got broader. I asked the prominent lawyer in attendance to not be so shy about her cover article for Time magazine, or that our retreat leader at least tell us a tidbit about her event with the Dalai Lama.
We broke up into smaller, more intimate groups to bring the evening to a more meaningful level of conversation. I asked the women to talk about what steps they had taken to achieve their great success, what advice they would give their younger selves (say, in the year 2011) and what was the most important thing they learned on the journey. The responses were uplifting, informative, and in one particular case hysterically funny. I wish you could’ve been there.
Sandy Sergeant, owner of CT Caring Solutions, has been leading mission trips to third world countries for many years. At my Come As You’ll Be evening, we celebrated Sandy’s Nobel Prize win. You can see her response. She summed up the night in a beautiful testimonial she’s allowing me to share:
I would like to thank you for that innovative meeting on Wednesday, both Sandra and I enjoyed it immensely, it was like actually living out your dream, in a moment of time. How fascinating, It made everything so real, and breaking up in the small groups was even more effective. Being there was truly a blessing. Looking, forward to participating in your upcoming mastermind group.
Our Nobel Prize Winner (photo by Katie Settel Photography)
I rely heavily on Scarlett De Bease of Scarlett New York for advice on my wardrobe. She’s created a look-book for me, which means that every time I need to go out in public and look presentable, I have a photographic album of outfits Scarlett has assembled for me to choose from. My bodily flaws are camouflaged by the shapes and accessories she helps me purchase and coordinate.
Naturally, any magazine would want to feature Scarlett’s expertise, not to mention her great good looks. In fact, she was recently contacted by O Magazine (Oprah’s rag for those of you who may not recognize it by name), to be in a makeover shoot for an upcoming issue. Scarlett had emailed me that she had a noteworthy interaction that might be of interest to the women I serve. Here’s the email invitation she received inviting her to be photographed for a spread on fashion makeovers:
Our team of fashion experts are here to help! Tell us about your “problem area” (not limited to the ones listed above [sic arms belly, neck, bust] and we’ll teach you how to dress in a way that will make you (and everyone else) forget all about it!
To which Scarlett replied (thank you, Scarlett, for letting me share your response verbatim for interested readers):
Thank you so much for contacting me, and I am so sorry to say that as much as I REALLY want to be in the magazine, I cannot participate in this feature as it is my specialty to show my clients how to solve the very same issue your feature is all about and it would discredit my work if I were a model for this particular story.
I know you are working hard tonight and I am truly sorry I cannot be a part of tomorrow’s casting. I do hope you will continue to keep me in your files for future features as, naturally, I would be delighted to be included.
Scarlett was relieved and pleased to receive an acknowledgment (often producers do not respond at all) saying “I totally understand” with a winking emoticon after the sentence.
I always love to hear, see or read what goes on behind the curtain. Thanks to Scarlett for sharing this story with all of us.
