You are currently browsing the category archive for the 'self-care' category.
I am overwhelmed by the response to my request for feedback on my headshot. The request to you came out of a coaching session where I was encouraged to allow myself to be the center of attention–a place that does not come easily or naturally to me.
I love the idea of being fully comfortable in the spotlight and have challenged myself repeatedly to stand in that place and allow myself to revel in the attention. My coach asked me what would help me to remain present for those good feelings. “Breathing always helps,” I answered, knowing full well that I often forget this and don’t inhale.
While going through my coaching certification process years ago my supervisor asked me a similar question. “How can you remind yourself to be fully present with your clients?” Again, the answer was to take a deep breath to get centered in my own body. That breath would give a moment to connect with the soul who was dialing my number for my services.
I devised a structure that would serve as a constant reminder of this easily forgotten necessity in my life and practice. I wrote the word BREATHE where I would easily see it every time. Not a coincidence that this reminder to take a breath when seeking connection was written on the receiver of my phone.
Kate Eisemann recently shot dozens of images of me for a new headshot. I was still enamored of the one she did three years ago, but based on some feedback from an unbiased third party, I decided it was time to step out as a glasses-wearing woman business owner who also happens to be three years older–not that it shows…
I would love your opinion on the narrowed down selection of shots Kate took. She generously provided me with four re-touched options for consideration. Will you vote on your favorite via the comments section?
The winner will be the one that goes onto my website and all my marketing materials for the next several years. No pressure!
#1
#2
#3
- #4
#4
Blowing out candles at last year's party.
Most of you are taking today as a vacation day, so I’ll be brief.
I spent the past three days in NYC assisting at a coaches training course. It was an extraordinary experience being in a room with 18 very powerful coaches-in-training, two inspiring co-assistants and two master coach leaders, Nina McGuffin and Sam House.
Because I was so thoroughly engaged during that time, I’ve given myself today to play catch-up and rest. Also, since tomorrow’s my birthday AND Independence Day, I’m enjoying the quiet of no phones ringing and a chance to respond to 200+ emails waiting in my inbox.
I’ve got an awesome day planned tomorrow. I learned many years ago that if I wanted to have a special and memorable birthday, I would need to let people know it was an important day for me.
A dear friend has opened her home to members of our fellowship for a breakfast celebration. One of the great things about being born on a holiday is that everyone has the day off. If you get them early enough in the day (7:30-10am) , they haven’t left for the beach or backyard picnic yet.
My daughter and son-in-law got us all tickets to see God of Carnage, the Tony Award winner for Best Play in 2009 for tomorrow night. We’ll meet for dinner before the show, stay in Manhattan overnight, walk the High Line in the morning, then see Waiting for Godot at a Sunday matinee. It doesn’t get any better than this in my book.
I am blessed and very happy to be celebrating another year.
I’m back in Connecticut after spending four glorious days with Jon and Linda Carr in Dublin. The photo in this entry is of Dublin’s stunning new Convention Center, still under construction, and the reason my friends are living there. Jon has been overseeing its construction for several years now.
We discussed business, but the focus of this trip was fun, friendship and touring. Jon and Linda treated me like royalty and allowed me to pick and choose the sites I wanted to take in. We started with a touristy bus ride so that I could get the feel of Dublin’s offerings, then proceeded on foot once I’d gotten the lay of the land. No Guinness Brewery for me. We did take in Trinity College and the Book of Kells, but mostly got the flavor of Ireland by being among its citizens.
The best part of the vacation was hanging out with my friends. Being with them for several days allowed us to cover the gamut of our histories–children, work, travels, etc. What I loved most was the relaxed pace–sitting over morning coffee for hours, leisurely lunches and dinners. I mean, how often do we allow ourselves to totally let go of our schedules and just BE? I was so completely absorbed in our relationship that when I did check my emails late in the day, I thought to myself, “Oh! How nice to have that appointment get on the calendar!” without my having had to obsess about it 24/7. As much as I advise my clients to let go and manifest, it was nice to have a demonstration of it during my letting go period.
I arrived in Dublin before 7am (2am EDT) yesterday, grabbed a cab and arrived at Linda’s doorstep before 8am. After a quick tour of her magnificent apartment and a short welcoming chat, I went right to sleep.
When I got up, it was bright and sunny–not typical Irish weather–and we walked for miles around the city.
Our conversations, after discussing her adjustment to living abroad, were about our families and then our businesses. Linda has always been a role model for me as well as a sounding board since we met in the late 70’s. We talked at length about where we were going in our companies and offered perspectives to each other. We each took into account the economy and technology and how to operate and thrive within those parameters.
John joined us for dinner where we reminisced about the old days. I used to stay at their house in Guilford while exhibiting my work at the handcrafts fair there each summer. I admired their values then and I admire them still.
Vacations in our house have always been affectionately referred to as vaycos. Not sure how you’d spell it, but it’s pronounced like the title of this post. Being married to a public school administrator (English Department Chair–retired since 2001) for all these years, the closer the calendar got to spring vacation, summer break or the winter holidays, the more joyful the household became with the impending promise of time off.
Since my calendar is no longer defined by school breaks but by my own decision making, I have declared these last few weeks in June “time for fun.” So many people, who are more school calendar based, are in transitions–graduations, reunions, weddings, etc. I know it’s a good time to plan time off and not frustrate myself waiting for prospects to get back to me or lining up meetings.
I started my vay-co status last Friday accompanied by one of my closest friends. We trained into New York City to a Korean spa for an afternoon of massage, body scrub, facial, shampoo, sauna and steam bath ($130).
On Sunday I traveled to Provincetown with another good friend (Nancy Moon, who did the video clip above) where two more good friends own the Inn at Cook Street. We enjoyed each others’ company, great meals together (the breakfast at the Inn is awesome!), a walk up and down Commercial Street and the fresh Cape Cod air.
Tonight starts the most ambitious leg of vacation as I fly to Dublin to visit my dear friend Linda Carr, the woman who gave me the biggest boost in my early days as a craft artist. Now, 30+ years later, she’s living in Ireland for two years and has invited me to play tourist with her. I’m so excited to travel there for the first time and have nothing on my schedule but exploration, friendship and relaxation.
Since entrepreneurs create their own futures all the time, this is a reminder to establish vay-co time on your calendar. When I say, via my tag line, that I lead remarkable women to uncommon success, I’m simply doing my job by practicing self-care and sharing the journey with you.
When Meredith signed up for my Transformations through Transitions group this spring her goal was to bring her breast cancer story to the public’s attention.
She talked about creating an advisory board–more like a support posse–which stimulated Meredith’s drive to get help and share the journey. But the bigger challenge, the one she really wanted to be held accountable for, was to create a trailer for the documentary she’s having filmed throughout her experience.
Since I teach people how to set realistic goals, Meredith knew she was stretching the limits considering that she was still showing up at commercial photography shoots to do her styling work, plus continuing with her chemo treatments which are a job in themselves. Was it really realistic to also edit down the hours and hours of video footage to create this marketing tool?
Meredith walked into our session last Thursday on fire. She had the trailer completed! She showed it to our group. Watch it! It’s amazing! Not only that, Meredith has speaking engagements lined up, too, and networking events where she can meet others interested in publicizing this disease.
In addition, Meredith is putting out requests for others help and support. I offered to assist her in that endeavor. Here’s what you can do:
- Meredith will be speaking at a Relay for Life in Westport, CT on Friday, June 26.
- Watch the trailer. Click any of the highlighted trailer links in this post.
- Pass the trailer onto any and all interested parties.
- Send your healing prayers and thoughts to Meredith on June 18 when she will be undergoing her final chemo treatment. For three days after she experiences such toxicity in her body that she is only able to lie in the fetal position, closely watched by her favorite animals, and allows time to pass.
Each of us has lessons to learn at any given time in our lives. The Universe delivers opportunities often cloaked as annoyances or challenges calling us to take the next step in our development. It’s very easy for me to see and coach others’ growth edges. It’s not as easy for me to observe or negotiate my own.
First an easy (non-coaching) scenario: I attend a fellowship meeting in a building where several groups convene at the same time. There’s a particularly noisy crowd across the hall from my session. A colleague in my room was disturbed by its volume and said, “Would one of you go over there and ask them to close the door?” I responded that I wasn’t bothered by it, but if she was, she could deal with it. It was a clear-cut illustration of who owned the problem. It was hers to respond to.
What’s been repeatedly coming up for me these days (well, always really…) is other people’s lateness. It’s a boundary issue–clients calling 5-10 minutes late, canceling within the 24-hour time frame I request, and the no-show’s or excuse makers in groups that are dependent on all members’ compliance. When I have to deal with this ‘misbehavior’ I tense up.
I discussed this with my coach because I don’t like the feeling of being rigid or inflexible. It feels hard. I physically tighten up and I don’t like the sensation. Complicating this is an expression I’d love to live by: wear life like a loose garment. I’m trying to reconcile that approach with this uncomfortable internal intensity.
Michele reframed it for me. My stand for impeccability in the form of punctuality is a strength. It doesn’t work for me to have the container of my relationships, group or team compromised by others behavior.
What’s actually hard is my not owning the truth of it. It doesn’t work for me. Simple as that. Yet, I find it difficult to say those words. That’s my growing edge. To simply and clearly take a stand for what has meaning for me.
I know this. I teach this, and I forget it.
I remember in my early parenting days hearing moms complain that all their two year old would eat was hot dogs and spaghetti. I tried to picture the toddler shopping at the A & P and filling his cart with Hebrew National franks and Ronzoni pasta. Of course, I’m being facetious. While the child wasn’t in charge of the groceries, it appeared he was in charge of the adult.
I frequently hear my clients bemoaning the fact that there’s just not enough time to do what they really want to do–write, create, work on their marketing materials, etc.–because of the other demands on their lives. When I dig a little deeper, which I always do, I find that these clients are putting secondary priorities ahead of what they say they really want.
It’s fine to go for physical therapy, show up for your child’s teacher conference and take care of an ailing family member. We all have those necessities to attend to. What I strongly urge, though, is that you set aside sacred time for what is important to you and honor that so the car repairs, dentist’s appointments and grocery shopping are not done during your best working hours.
In a session yesterday, a client of mine with a global idea, just committed to spending 8 hours a week on research. That means that she may choose to go to the library each Sunday from 1-5pm in addition to finding one hour four times a week for this piece of her business development. By July she will have spent 64 hours digging into the topic she’s passionate about and will undoubtedly have increased her expertise exponentially.
After she experienced the feeling of having all that time for exploration, she said, “Maybe I’ll give up that tennis game we talked about earlier.” Her priorities and mission became clearer and she realized that she was in charge of how quickly her dream might become a reality.
If you find yourself thinking, it’s not happening fast enough, I’m not where I want to be, and everything else is taking priority in my life, you might want to ask yourself who’s spending your time.
Although I don’t like to admit this out loud, now is actually a good time to make a confession given the state of the world economy. I have trouble spending money. I would rather have money than spend it.
I prefer to have a large bank account and watch the interest grow. Remember those good old days? Except now, as the weather turns nice, many spending opportunities are calling my name and my bank account.
In times like these I turn to my team of financial advisers whom I’ve entrusted with my economic issues for many years now. They have never steered me wrong. I called them today for a brief phone meeting and came up with solutions that feel abundant. (One client of mine said she asks for help on any financial decisions that entail a comma in the numbers. That’s a good point of reference for me, too.)
After discussion of all my assets I got approval from my team to enroll in an intensive 8-month educational program which requires a hefty down payment and subsequent monthly installments. I’ll submit that application May 1.
I talked to them, also, about my invigorating and restorative experience last year at the Golden Door. While entirely too extravagant for this year, we agreed that a week away from it all in a beautiful environment with well-prepared food, spa amenities and healthy exercise options was a worthy gift. I mentioned an alternative retreat I’d discovered a 5-hour drive, rather than flight, from here at 1/4 the price. We agreed on my visiting the “Brass Door” during the summer of 2009!
What I especially appreciated during our conversation was their reminder to me that I set an example for all those I meet. How can I coach women towards their greatest achievements and self-care if I’m not continuously modeling that behavior? Hmmmm, could this be a business expense given that last statement?!
If you’ve got savings tucked away and a trusted adviser with whom to check your numbers, go ahead and reward yourself too.
