I’m getting out of Dodge today. We still have no power in my neighborhood due to the broken toothpick-looking utility pole featured in yesterday’s blog post. I’ve continued to ‘make do’ by hitting libraries and Starbucks for their wi-fi capability, coaching from my car to keep my cell phone battery alive, emptying the fridge and practicing gratitude for the warmer and longer days. Fortunately, I had promised to take my daughter–the one who celebrated her birthday last week–to Kripalu for two days of R & R. We leave late this morning.

We’ll be back home Friday afternoon at which point I hope to have power back. My plan is to spend the weekend attending to all the details and planning that fell by the wayside during the survival period. I’ve shown up for everything on my schedule, albeit not as coiffed as I would have hoped. I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating. As a business owner I get to choose which 12 hours a day (!) I will work. I actually can’t wait to get back to my desktop computer and landline. Ah, the things we take for granted…

Tonight the entire family is going to see Laura’s selection of entertainment–Louis CK performing at Caroline’s Comedy Club.

Once again I am grateful for the lifestyle business I have created that allows me to take a Friday off at will to celebrate the most important people in my life.

BTW, tomorrow I’ll be facilitating a networking program for SCORE in Darien. It doesn’t even feel like work, although most people will be spending their Saturday doing non-work related activities.

This photo was taken a few months ago at Denyse Schmidt’s open house. Laura selected the quilt behind us for her holiday gift. It looks terrific on her iron-frame bed.

Thoughts of coulda, shoulda, woulda flashed through my head last Thursday evening as I waited for the endless rainstorm to convert to snow as had been predicted. I had postponed my event for that night after hearing the dire predictions measured in feet of snow, not inches. I knew there would be women coming from the far reaches of Connecticut and did not want to put anyone in harm’s way. So I picked a new date with host Marjory Abrams, let the caterer know it would now be held on March 15, then proceeded to contact everyone on my list via e-mail and phone.

I missed one person who called me from the appointed location at 5:30pm to inquire about the event. Seems I had completely missed her registration and had not entered her on my list of attendees. She never got a phone call or an e-mail message with the change-of-date explanation.

I didn’t see her name on the list and thought the error was on her side. When she got home she forwarded me her receipt which had inexplicably never made it to my Outlook inbox. Stuff happens.

I immediately called and apologized, but the aftermath of my error stayed with me. I was mortified. I beat myself up.

Then I had a good talking to with myself. I’ve learned an acronym for SHAME:  Should Have Already Mastered Everything. I learned that well growing up. The message I would hear was something like, “And of course you know that…” which set me up. If I did know, it was self-evident that I should, and if I didn’t know, well, there was no excuse. I learned to fake it or keep my mouth shut. Neither an appealing option.

Here’s what I said to myself on Thursday: Jane, you did the absolute best you could. You handled this situation as you would respect someone else’s handling of it. And you made a mistake. You called the person, offered to make good on the error and apologized from your heart. That’s enough. Move on. Do something now that feels good to you. And I did.

What ways do you make amends for human (or other) errors in your business relationships?

(BTW, there are still a few spots left for this Remarkable Women’s Network event at Boardroom in Stamford on March 15.)

One area of concern is the drawer where I keep all my correspondence materials, collections of cards I’ve bought throughout the year and envelopes and notecards I enjoy using. But I had a nanosecond of discontent when I saw the label Emily had printed out with the word ’stationery’ misspelled. I’ll never forget an elementary school spelling lesson that taught ’stationery’ meaning writing supplies has the letters ‘er‘ as in paper.

Anyone who has seen my intricate artwork knows my attention to detail. It was a tiny error, but it would bug me every time I opened that drawer. I sent Emily an email thanking her for her outstanding work, then gently letting her know the correct spelling of stationery. Not an important complaint, but thought she’d like to know. She was most gracious.

I knew I’d eventually print out my own label, but it was not a high priority. So you can imagine my delight when I opened my mail the other day and found this:

Besides being an excellent organizer, I now have the experience of Emily as professional, gracious and responsive. I can’t wait to recommend her! Oh! I just did.

I’m smiling as I write this because Aimee and I just had an email interchange that is very typical. She wrote a very reasonable statement. She’s an excellent writer, so that piece is a slam-dunk. I made some suggestions. Where I questioned her and drilled down was on the specificity factor.

Where Aimee wrote “I make a substantial profit” I asked her to write down the exact amount. If you were the Supreme Being, how much would you give her? Would it help you to know that she anticipated $500 or $5,ooo,ooo in profit? Where she wrote that her play was picked up, I added spaces for ‘by whom’ and for ‘how much’. Getting the picture?

I asked Aimee if my questions made her nervous. I acknowledged that getting specific amps up the scariness factor and takes you out of vagueness. Simply stating a desire for two new clients in March is more powerful than saying, “I’d like to have two to three new clients in March.”

In her typically generous fashion Aimee responded to my request to share our conversation on my blog. “If my pain can help others,  go for it!”

Honestly, I don’t mean to inflict pain. Watching friends and clients writhe in indecision and vagueness is far more painful than having them commit to a scary, but specific goal.

I am sitting in my living room in tears having just watched Tiger Woods apology on TV. I am blown away by his candor, his admission of his transgressions and his taking full responsibility for his behavior. There was never any doubt that the press had uncovered a huge scandal, but his standing up and claiming ownership the way he did is impressive.

I am deeply touched by his openness regarding his therapy and dedication to getting the support he needs. I feared that his apology might digress entirely in the direction of the cause of his foundation, but he quickly made his way back to the topic at hand.

Those of you who read my blog regularly know that I rarely comment on current events, but this press conference had me riveted. Not only am I part of a recovery community myself, but I also regard Tiger Woods as a quintessential entrepreneur. He humbly demonstrated how to tell the truth. What he did today was amazing to me. He accepted total responsibility for the mess he’s made, asked for help, admitted that he will continue to seek treatment and even talked about looking for spiritual solutions and increased balance in his life. When he ended by giving his mother a gigantic hug I dissolved.

I sincerely wish him all the best one day at a time.

…a coaching certification program I was enrolled in. This is highly unusual behavior for me. I want to share my process.

I don’t need to mention the name of the organization because this is not about them. Many other students in the program are  satisfied. It’s about me, how I value my time and the work that I’m doing.

The class met regularly by phone from 12:30-2:30pm every Wednesday. Classmates called in from California to Denmark. We’ve been together since October and the others will continue the process into July. But I wasn’t feeling a sense of connectedness with the material or the other participants. I wasn’t inspired or motivated by the weekly documents I downloaded from the digital library. I began to resent not being able to schedule anything on Wednesdays during that time period. I noticed how my body was responding to the notebooks on my desk and anything related to the program.

One of the key learnings I received during the in-person training for this discipline, which I adored, is that the body is the midwife to the mind. Feelings in our bodies (we shouldn’t ignore) will show up before words have formulated around them in our brains. We need to trust these.

Although I had a satisfying conversation with the founder of the program about my complaints (which she took to heart), the bottom line was that it didn’t work for me. And that’s enough to know. Speaking with her and then letting my classmates know was challenging. This is the grown-up stuff of life and business that confronts us regularly. How we move through it is a measure of our maturity and the willingness to be humble and teachable.

I’m feeling a little more mature, definitely humbled and also free of what felt like an obligation.

Back-to-back client calls Tuesday morning brought up the same issue–inadequate results from contracted work. After hearing my clients’ frustration with their vendors and brainstorming action steps to move forward, they were still left with two challenges:

1. Disappointment with the referred vendor
2. Indecision regarding payment

In one case a designer failed to please the client’s aesthetic. In the other, a writer missed the mark on a bio she submitted. Who’s to blame? Do you still pay, and if so, how much? Further, how do you prevent this from happening again in your future?

For those of you who are pulling out your notepads to jot down my pearls of wisdom, sorry. There are no short answers to this because there are always extenuating circumstances. Each situation needs to be handled individually. But you can take precautions and follow certain principles.

Most important: Address the issue with the vendor directly. Tell him/her of your unhappiness and say what you would like to have happen. From this point the conversation can go in many directions. My advice is to be sure to have it.

Second, what you can take control of is how the work arrangement is set up in the beginning. And that means creating a written document. Here’s a mantra for you: Reduce all deals and business agreements to writing. A Letter of Agreement needs to be a standard template you keep in your files for all future business relationships.

You’ve heard the saying, “A short pencil is better than a long memory.” Having the terms written out, how much/by when/kill fee, etc.  gives you something to refer back to. Keep it simple, but do it.

With no written agreement you may get stuck with the bill. However, that $50 or $5000 may be money well-spent. I often say to my clients, “It just cost you $500 to learn that course towards your MBA.”

I’d be very interested to hear your stories on this subject, particularly ones that came out happily. Curious minds want to know.

One of my coaching clients, Inga Poslitur,  expressed the entrepreneur’s experience so well. “It’s like a roller coaster ride: as you are getting to the top of the hill the train slows down and you really feel gravity. But as soon as you are rolling over, the speed picks up like crazy.”

Of course this pertains to life as well, but Inga and other small business owners feels it most acutely because our two lives are so intertwined.

Before the New Year, that feeling of slowing down and the sense of gravity are all too real. “Will business show up in 2010?” “What’s really important in my life/work?” “How did ‘09 match up against ‘o8?” The reality of what we do in our lives comes to the fore.

And then Monday, January 4 arrives, the phone starts ringing again and the roller coaster continues.

A successful fine artist and illustrator,  Inga came up with three major goals that will serve as her template throughout the year–to earn an MFA (Master of Fine Arts), to have a one-woman show, and to practice extreme self-care. If offers come that are not aligned with her greater goals, this may not be the year to do them. Social media classes, yes–to help her promote her show. Italian 101, maybe not, unless it is on track towards her advanced degree. Having those set goals, her heart’s desires, makes it easier to choose.

You may not be able to control the roller coaster ride, but you can decide which one to hop aboard.

One friend is capitalizing on this abundance of “free” time to learn programs on the Mac she needs to know. She recently mastered Keynote (Apple’s superb version of PowerPoint) among others and has created a client presentation that is knocking the socks off of her prospects.

One client finds this excess of time an opportunity to explore which trade shows to enter in 2010. Another is using the peaceful quiet to research artists’ grants while her neighbors are all at the mall.

When I was writing my first book and finding every which way to describe what was missing from the situation, a wise mentor suggested that I focus on the donut, not on the hole. What was there to appreciate given that I had initially been thrilled to be in the situation in the first place? What could I do to take my focus off what wasn’t being done on the publisher’s end? That shift in perspective altered everything for me.

What about the current season does work for you? What can be accomplished when the phones are quiet? What will you wish you’d done now when January comes and you don’t have a moment to yourself?

What does your donut look like?