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As seen at Dr. Honig’s Office
What do difficult clients and getting root canal have to do with each other?
Well, actually, as I re-read that question, it makes sense to compare the two. They can both be extremely painful, and you probably wouldn’t look forward to either.
But that wasn’t the original connection I was going for. As I was leaving my root canalist’s office last week I glimpsed this jar on his counter. Of course, it made me laugh out loud because as you may remember from a previous blog entry, the dentist’s chair is my least favorite place to be. His decorative urn made me pause to consider what constituted a ‘problem patient’ and if I would be so designated.
As a patient, I never thought of myself as a client, but of course, it’s just another designation for one who pays for your services. I never considered my behavior from the dentist’s point of view, which is how all trying clients must think–not from the perspective of whom they’re impacting, right?
Difficult Clients is the topic of discussion at my upcoming Remarkable Women’s Network session on June 28. I will invite attendees to share their challenges with me as I coach them through scenarios they are facing. Should be a fun night to participate in and also to observe.
I inquired from my gentle and capable dentist, Dr. Honig, if I were a candidate for the jar. “Not you,” he generously replied. He then took a pad of small Post-It notes, held it up and said, “HIPAA prevents me from writing down real names, so I just put their initials on these pieces of paper and put them in the jar.” Evidently lateness and lack of payment are far worse offenses than fear and trepidation.
He’s very patient with me. I spend the first 10-15 minutes of our time together numbing out, then getting my iPod cued up for listening to music while he drills, followed by clutching the arms of the dental chair till my knuckles turn white. The first song to come on that morning was from my Jersey Boys album and it was “Big Girls Don’t Cry.” How ironic.
Christina Frei and Me
I’ve just returned to my office after a networking coffee date with Christina Frei, and rather than being exhausted on a Friday afternoon following a busy week, I’m exhilarated.
I’m still marveling at how this whole afternoon materialized. I’d received an email from Christina a week or so ago with a perfectly articulated invitation to join her for coffee at 3:30pm on Friday at Coco Michelle–a coffee and chocolate boutique opposite the Westport train station.
I often advise my clients, and particularly my webinar participants, to reach out to their sphere of influence and meet regularly with people in that community for marketing their new ideas. Today, I was on the receiving end of exactly that kind of an invitation.
Christina and I go back a few years, having been matched up by a mutual friend who thought our interests aligned, which they did. Anyway, I wasn’t sure what Christina had in mind today, but her invitation for a coffee treat was irresistible.
When we met, and after we had ordered delicious coffee beverages, Christina asked if she might tell me about what she’s been up to since we’d last seen each other. I couldn’t wait to hear. She then began to tell me in a most entertaining and informative way about the book she’s written and how this will impact her career, not to mention education in this country.
I was breathless after hearing her story. She announced how ‘on fire’ she is because what she’s doing is a manifestation of what most inspires her–teaching young kids (middle school aged specifically) about our Founding Fathers–not your typical woman business owner’s profile. Her enthusiasm ignited mine, and we began brainstorming and sharing resources and next connections.
This is a powerful example of how to let people know about what you’re up to. Christina took a chance in reaching out and extending herself to me. She sent an attractive offer with a clear plan. She had an agenda which she stuck to. I was honored by the preparation she’d done and was excited to be in her presence.
She is speaking her idea and getting feedback. I’m one of many to whom she’ll repeat this exercise. She is a living example of how to do this right. The key ingredient is was something she expressed during our conversation–that she knows how on track she is because she is fueled by her own excitement.
Christina Frei is a role model of someone who has found her passion, is discovering how to make it marketable and is getting out into the world with her message. I know she’s going to find great success, and I couldn’t be happier to be a witness to her process.
Christina’s target market is middle schools in the US. If you know anyone who is as passionate as she is about educating this segment of our population, particularly around American history, please be in touch with me or Christina.
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You don’t have to be a college student or grad to benefit from the advice in this revised edition of Lindsey’s book. Lindsey, for those of you who don’t know, is my daughter.
She used to come to me for career advice, but the tables have turned. She’s my go-to person for all things electronic and social media related when it comes to business. When I was considering linking sites with a particular organization recently, and I sought her wisdom, I told her I wasn’t sure I understood exactly what was required of me or what the benefits would be. But it sounded kind of good from the pitch I received. “Mom, if you don’t understand it and aren’t highly motivated to participate, say no.” I followed that advice with no regrets.
Please, buy a copy of her book for yourself or someone you love who’s looking for work. She’s a trustworthy guide and will be truly grateful for your purchase.
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You’re probably thinking, what does this subject line have to do with entrepreneurship? But, the essence of this question arose yesterday when I received an email from one of my webinar participants inquiring why I’d combined my two groups in one private Facebook page. That is, the ones who’ve been in the program for 5 sessions with the newer students who are only up to Session 2.
In 1997, while attending my first ever NSA annual meeting in California, I attended a workshop where the speaker talked about his career development in terms I’d never heard. He knew that he was using high level language and explained, unapologetically, that his job as a motivational (and I use that term thoughtfully) speaker was “to keep the Toastmasters running after the caravan.”
That image became seared in my mind. Here were the paid professionals holding forth and allowing us newbies to press our faces up to the glass, to mix metaphors, and see what being a pro looked like. It felt aspirational. These NSA’ers had what I wanted, and by joining them and attending their meetings, I was going to learn what they knew.
It had me breathless in anticipation and effort to keep up with and master the arenas they were all playing in. I loved that I got to rub shoulders, listen in and ask questions of the pros. I’d much rather play in a tennis game with someone better than I am than someone not as good. Don’t we all want to up our game?
So it is with intention that I combined the two groups who are participating in my webinar. One group has had four more sessions than the other, are deeply engaged in comparing notes, sharing successes, products and resources with each other. It may be a stretch for those who are newer, but my objective is that it become an invitation as well as a temptation to grow and join the conversation.
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Someone asked me today if there’d been a full moon (it was full, huge and beautiful last night), because the atmosphere felt fraught with unpleasantness. I knew what she meant. I’ve been experiencing some push-back and hearing tales from others that it’s choppy waters out there. Whether it’s the turn of the calendar page, the back-biting among our nation’s candidates or holiday hangover, something’s in the air.
What’s a woman business owner to do?
What has gotten me through over the years is positive self-talk and mantras that affirm that this is normal and to be expected. Rosabeth Moss Kanter, from the Harvard Business School, says that her ‘personal law of management, if not life, is that everything looks like a disaster in the middle.’
I also love the saying that the higher up the mountain you go, the harder the wind blows.
And that mastery is less about your skill set than your recovery time.
I’ve had a few confrontations already this year and have faced them square on. I don’t always like the outcome, but the issues are dealt with and done, which beats dragging garbage bags full of resentments with me wherever I go. My side of the street is clean. Not everyone may like what I do, but I’m comfortable with the decisions I’ve made.
What has helped me most is a reliable source of support. I’ve created many safe havens for myself in my years as a business owner. Interestingly, and this must be why this is popping up right now, my next webinar module (after this week’s on Communicating Your Message) is entitled Establishing Support Systems for your business. I have individuals to call upon, my own coach, my own mastermind team, and weekly groups where I go and share my current issues and receive supportive feedback. I know that I’m not alone, and a burden shared is a burden halved.
My favorite mantra of all, which someone reminded me about just today, is “Don’t quit before the miracle.” You’re not alone.
Yesterday was a glorious day in CT, especially compared to last Sunday when we were all cleaning up from that freaky fall blizzard and subsequent power outages. This day was sunny, blue skies and the perfect temperature for taking in a multitude of offerings.
I chose to attend Crafts on Stage at SUNY Purchase for which my dear friend and colleague Terry Capuana has served as Chair. I was also attracted to this event because I saw that Micki Ravitz (in photo with me) was among the exhibitors.
I’d recently mentioned Micki in the talk I gave at the Saybrook Point Inn when relating the lesson I nickname, Graduating from Wannabe, in my book Soul Proprietor. When I first began exhibiting my decorated eggs in the late ’70′s, I had a tiny booth across the aisle from Micki’s large and luxe ultrasuede boutique which was dripping with her elegant handmade necklaces. Her booth was constantly populated with loving fans waiting for a moment with this talented woman who would select exactly the perfect piece of jewelry for them, write up their order, then send them off with her warm and sincere smile and a hug. I wanted what she had.
The lesson I learned in observing those attributes–gorgeous booth/display, return clientele, a warm and generous spirit–was that I could attain them by imitating the master. I worked long and hard to afford someone who could design a new booth for me. I started a mailing list and conscientiously sent out postcard reminders to let my fans know when I’d next be exhibiting. I worked on my attitude and brought along a new and positive one to my weekends of public exposure.
There’s great information in those feelings of envy and jealousy that can be mined for success.
When I told this story in Old Saybrook, an audience member raised her hand and enthusiastically said, “I know Micki, and it’s all true!” I wanted to share that story with Micki when I saw her at her booth on Sunday. She greeted me as warmly as any of her ‘old’ customers with a huge smile and a hug. She had actually already been told about the story, so we shared a good laugh. I reminded her of how much I admired her style, especially her lavish booth. “It’s over 35 years old!” she exclaimed. I loved that, too, because when you invest in yourself, it pays you back.
Although I’ve bought pieces of Micki’s jewelry in the past, yesterday I chose 
to buy a beautiful bracelet from another exhibitor. After the purchase, I asked if I might take a photo of the artisan in her booth. She had a well integrated look that supported her craft beautifully and professionally. I wanted to share that with you. Notice the large photo images and name branding, the proprietor elegantly wearing her own designs, the simplicity of the booth (even this small slice of it that you see) and the edited selection of pieces offered. Customers can be overwhelmed by the sheer volume of work on display. Wendy narrowed the choices making it easy for me to select one of the designs similar to what she was wearing on her own wrists.
After leaving the fair in NY, I followed the advice of my dentist who has often mentioned the energy medicine doctor he’s been seeing and now swears by. Dr. Jeffrey Zimmerman held an opening of his new wellness company in downtown Westport on Sunday afternoon. I was able to arrive in time to hear his lecture on energy medicine after my trip to Westchester.
I was inspired enough by his personal story and information to sign up for an upcoming class on self-healing and wellness. I left his talk and went home for a well-deserved and nurturing nap.
“The marathon’s the parade,” my friend Doreen once said about the actual running of the 26.2 mile race. You’ve done all the hard work, trained, sweated, ached and pained. The day of the event is a celebration–a parade. “You don’t change anything. You show up and simply perform what you’ve spent months practicing.”
An entire city turns out to cheer. There are water stations and banners along the way.Your friends call out your name and encourage you as you near the end of this arduous journey.
Where were they when you were in training?
One of the hardest parts of prepping for anything worthwhile (i.e. long term goals) is that instead of the rallying forces that come out at showtime, your internal chorus is filled with saboteurs deriding your ideas, challenging your assumptions and generally impeding your progress.
I should know. As I’m putting dates on the calendar for my fall events, there has been a symphony of condescension and crescendos of self-doubt.
And, I’m putting them out anyway, which is what I advise my clients to do. Gremlins, be damned. Action is the magic word.
Here’s what it looks like up close. I’m planning to offer my webinar sessions on Thursday evenings EST. “Well, how are the Europeans going to call in, Jane? It’s too late for them.” “What about Thanksgiving? Maybe you should wait until the new year.” “Thursdays are tough for people.” I’m ignoring them all, but acknowledging their presence. I’m sure you have similar voices with equally ‘useful’ information and ideas.
I’m really excited to be sharing my methodology for becoming a Soul Proprietor. I’ve designed a powerful visual presentation and an equally powerful script. Participants will have weekly field work–creating a vision, defining a market, mindmapping, etc.–which will result in a leap into your dream work or a substantial leap ahead of where you already are.
In addition, I’m offering two hours per week of coaching support as you work my program. I’ll be there when the gremlins come out and fear seeps in. I’ll be there to cheer you on as you experience success after success. You’ll hear your own voice and echoes of it as others share their challenges and successes too. There’s nothing like hearing your story told by others to reinforce what’s true for you–the good, the bad and the ugly.
Please join me for my free introductory webinar: The Soul Proprietor’s Formula for Building Your Business aka Things I Wish I’d Known When I Started My Business Wednesday, October 26 at 8PM EST. Mark your calendars now. Registration will begin in a couple of weeks.
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I’m sure this finds many of you digging out from under, bailing out your basements or, like I was earlier today, searching for power and a shower. The Westport Public Library was closed. I got hopeful when I saw many folks spread out on the stone picnic tables with open laptops thinking I’d be able to soak up some external WiFi from the library’s resource, but no. They must have simply wanted to enjoy the lovely river view while pecking away at their computers.
Next I drove up to the Exit 18 Starbucks knowing that they recently installed banquette seating and lots of outlets. I could see the line into the parking lot from the traffic light and the overflow of cars at an adjacent lot letting me know that I was not the only one with the bright idea to sip coffee and plug in this morning.
I went to plan B. Get a shower at the Edge Fitness Center and then see if the lights were back on in my building. I lined up behind other women with similar intentions, got my hot shower, and was thrilled to see lights on in my apartment across the street from my gym. I can’t remember the last time I was so happy to flip a switch.
I must confess to having gotten into party mode with the hurricane fever that began as early as Friday. There was the shopping frenzy and the constant pre-storm chatter about what to expect. A neighbor hosted a hurricane party at 4pm yesterday which was so much fun.
When I returned home from that event, and since I couldn’t get online or see much in the darkness, I had to watch the DVD I’d borrowed from the library.I also power-napped my way through much of the weekend. Isn’t there something about the low pressure system that makes us sleepy, or did I make that up?
Now I’m back at my desk and have caught up with all the to-do’s from early Sunday and am back to the real work. I know that the storm wreaks havoc not only on our landscape, but my psyche had some collateral damage as well. I’ve called in the crews (my accountability partner and my business friends who meet weekly) to help restore me to work mode.
Anyone else struggling to get focused?
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I’m not a pop culture fiend, but have found myself immersed (albeit delinquently) in Project Runway. As an ardent patron of the public library system, I recently found dvd’s of the first four seasons of that show. I know I’m light years behind those in the know. I don’t care. I’m having a great time catching up.
In addition to witnessing creative and beautiful solutions to the fashion design challenges the contestants are faced with during each episode, there is the real life aspect to the show that is equally intriguing. Over the course of the program, the personalities who have become the most endearing to me are Tim Gunn and Michael Kors. For those of you who don’t watch, Tim serves as a mentor to the designers giving them feedback during the design process. Michael Kors, a top American designer (as Heidi Klum always refers to him) is one of the judges.
In the episode I watched last night, it was getting near the end of the series of design competitions with only seven designers still in the running for the prized Bryant Park runway opportunity. The winner, a gentleman who had almost been eliminated a few times, started crying when his name was announced. Heidi Klum asked, “Why the tears?” He replied that the competition was such a roller coaster of emotions. He was elated to win, but that only made the suffering of the approval/disapproval judgments that much more intense.
To which Michael Kors remarked, “That doesn’t go away.”
Here was one of America’s top talents in the industry admitting that it is still damn hard, even at the top. I thought that his admission was a gift of truth to the contestants. You can want this so badly and have your moment in the spotlight with all the glamor, but the truth is, it’s a cutthroat industry. As Heidi says during every episode, “One day you’re in, and the next day you’re out.” That’s the reality of the whims of fashion. How generous of Michael Kors to honestly share that even at the top, it’s emotionally brutal.
My entrepreneurial world is smaller, less harsh and unequivocal, but the roller coaster ride exists. I concur with Michael Kors, it doesn’t go away. Anyone pretending that they’ve got it all sewn up is not someone you should listen to.
An unexpected package arrived at my door today…from a floral company. The return label revealed nothing about the sender. For a few glorious minutes I wracked my brain for who might be sending me a bouquet.
My birthday is next week (July 4 for anyone who wants to take note), so this would have been a little early to acknowledge that day. I have just came back from a wonderful family celebration in California, so might be on the sending end of flowers, but definitely not receiving for the gratitude I was feeling for my kids and siblings and nieces and nephews.
I tore open the cardboard-zippered carton and took in a deep breath of appreciation for nature’s ever-present gifts–a beautiful arrangement of sunflowers and complementary blossoms–tucked neatly into a glass vase with two packets of flower fertilizer enclosed. The neatly attached message solved the mystery. “Dear Jane, Thank you for continuing to refer women in your network to me.”
My marketing consultant, Heather Habelka of Red Poppy Marketing, had generously and thoughtfully acknowledged a recent referral I’d sent her with this beautiful surprise package. It’s another example of how well she does things. I was thrilled with her gift.
