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You don’t have to be a college student or grad to benefit from the advice in this revised edition of Lindsey’s book. Lindsey, for those of you who don’t know, is my daughter.
She used to come to me for career advice, but the tables have turned. She’s my go-to person for all things electronic and social media related when it comes to business. When I was considering linking sites with a particular organization recently, and I sought her wisdom, I told her I wasn’t sure I understood exactly what was required of me or what the benefits would be. But it sounded kind of good from the pitch I received. “Mom, if you don’t understand it and aren’t highly motivated to participate, say no.” I followed that advice with no regrets.
Please, buy a copy of her book for yourself or someone you love who’s looking for work. She’s a trustworthy guide and will be truly grateful for your purchase.
On a coaching call today the topic of setting limits came up, especially with children living at home. I told my client that when I began practicing Transcendental Meditation (TM) almost 20 years ago, my instructor provided me with a sign to hang on the doorknob of my bedroom where I practiced TM. It let anyone approaching know that I was busy and couldn’t be disturbed.
The first week or two I would hang the purple laminated sign on the knob and yell down to the kids, “I’m meditating now. Don’t bother me for the next half hour.” They didn’t.
I continued to hang the “I’m meditating” sign outside my door day after day. Until I realized that my kids immediately respected my wish and maintained that respect and quiet from Day 1. My shouting down to them and hanging out the sign was a reminder to me. I’m doing this. I deserve to take this time. I want you (Jane) to know that I (Jane) am doing a discipline that requires my focus. My family got it on the first try. It took me several weeks to notice that I didn’t need to repeat myself or try so hard.
On a designer house tour years ago I came upon an elaborately decorated upstairs bedroom with a 4-poster bed and canopy, a dozen attractively mismatched pillows and one very long rectangular pillow in front of the rest. It was needle-pointed with a one-word message: TONIGHT. (We asked the docent to show us the reverse side. It was also needle-pointed: NOT TONIGHT.)
When you set a limit, know that it is as much for you as for those around you.
I’ve got three great offerings coming up this fall, and I’m really excited to share them here first.
My final Remarkable Women’s Network event for 2011 is Wednesday, October 5 from 5:30-7:30pm at Troy Fine Art in Southport, CT. The focus that evening is Come As You’ll Be. At past goal-setting retreats I’ve run, this themed party concept was the Saturday night highlight of the weekend. Guests are asked to dress, speak and think five years out.
What success would you love to live into for Fall, 2016? Dress up as the best-selling author, award-winning designer, fabulously wealthy business owner, etc. The paparazzi will be on hand to capture the moment. You’ll meet 30 other remarkably successful women and find out how they achieved their goals. I promise, it will be the most fun you’ve had in months.
I’m also rolling out a new concept in Mastermind Groups at a special lunch event on Friday, October 14 in the Club Room at 597 Westport Avenue, Norwalk. You’ll not only meet two dozen other women who want to grow their businesses, but you’ll have the opportunity to get feedback, motivation and inspired accountability.
What do I mean by inspired accountability? When I hear a woman business owner commit to taking a huge step forward on her own behalf, I get inspired. When I hear a dozen women stake their claim and set a date by which they will research, call, announce or commit to the next growth adventure in their businesses, I’m blown away. That’s what October 14th will be about. Stay tuned for the details via my newsletter, but save the date for my kick-off lunch event.
My third offer coming up this fall is a brand new webinar series on how to become a Soul Proprietor. I’m really excited to be making my own offer after studying with a group all summer on the best way to create and present a program like this. I’ll be starting with a free webinar in a month so you can try out the medium and see if you like it. What I love about this opportunity is that over the years I’ve heard from so many of you outside the tri-state area–like the Pacific Northwest, Singapore and Moldavia. I’d love to get YOU on the line for these sessions. Watch for the details!
I hope I’ll see you this fall at my Remarkable Women’s Network event Wednesday, October 5, my Mastermind Groups lunch launch on Friday, October 14 and/or on my upcoming late October free webinar class.
It amazes me how my energy shifts from Labor Day Monday to back-to-work/school Tuesday. The last week of August and the days before the holiday weekend crawl. And then BOOM! It’s business as usual, as though nothing has ever been other than business as usual.
I’ve been contemplating where to put my focus this fall. Two Mastermind Groups that were on the calendar are now off. I have a few 1:1 client spots open. My next Remarkable Women’s Network event is filling nicely, and I’m grateful for that. I have several speaking engagements lined up which I look forward to.
But my focus is going to be on something different.
I received an email newsletter from Ken Nelson who asked: Do you Google all of your deepest questions? I laughed out loud, then read a terrific piece which quotes him regarding mindfulness in this age of technology:
The mindfulness tools Ken teaches at Kripalu can be used in any circumstance, time, and place. “Whether you’re driving, in front of a computer, or on the phone, you can practice being present, and cultivate a capacity for conscious witnessing,” he says. “It’s about allowing sensations, thoughts, and feelings to arise inside of awareness, and noticing that everything is a movement inside of awareness.”
The process he teaches involves five steps that are at the heart of the Kripalu methodology: breathe, relax, feel, watch, allow. “Our capacity to experience awareness can grow any time we notice that everything is moving: The breath is moving and changing, thoughts and feelings are moving and changing,” he says. “But awareness itself doesn’t change. When you notice in the foreground that everything is changing, and you begin to identify less with that foreground and more with the background, you can see yourself inside of an ocean of awareness. And you can bring a natural capacity for kindness and compassion into your relationship with whatever’s happening in the foreground.”
Yesterday I had a session with my coach, Michele, then read a shamanic newsletter she sent me this morning. Both of these newsletters, Ken’s and the one Michele sent, and my conversation with her led me to my own inner wisdom and the answer to the question I ask as the subject of this blog–What are you majoring in this semester?
I’m going to major in ALLOWING this semester. If you don’t know what I mean by that, you probably haven’t even read this far into the posting. I can’t put it any better than this paragraph from the second newsletter I read:
This is more of a “being” month than a “doing” month. Certainly you may have energy to put into tasks and projects but the motivation and support for their accomplishment comes from a place of being rather than a place of doing and effort. Because of the unpredictability of the times, things may manifest in very unusual ways if you allow them to. This requires putting your fixed ideas about how it should be done aside so that something new can emerge. It is a good month to revisit all of your intentions and determine whether you have enough flexibility to allow a new way of manifesting.
I recently started working with a wonderful woman who came to me for life coaching, not business coaching. She is figuring out what’s next for her, and it clearly isn’t what she’s been doing for the last several years–putting everyone else’s needs first. I recommended that she begin to say “no” to those activities that drain her, like attending parties for little ones she’s not actually related to.
We also came up with exciting tasks for her to pursue as she’s rejecting the life-draining ones. She is to interview a couple of identified people in industries that make her juices flow. Saying “no” will be new behavior as will stepping out of her current comfort zone. But her delighted giggle told me she would accept the challenge.
While she may not be clear yet on what she’s moving toward, experience shows that taking a stand in support of oneself hastens the flow of what’s next. Now that doesn’t sound very scientific, so I was tickled when later in that same day I heard ‘big girl’ words stating that exact hypothesis.
I attended an excellent webinar given by a colleague in the webinar training course I’ve been taking all summer. The subject was leadership and the thesis was that leadership is fueled by energy–positive or negative. The session’s instructor elaborated by describing catabolic energy–the breakdown of molecules–and its de-motivating destructive impact and anabolic energy–the synthesizing of molecules–and its creative, expanding and life-giving force.
“Our thoughts create our energy,” she stated. “When you get rid of the catabolic forces, your purpose and direction will show up. It presents itself.”
Precisely the message I’d given my client in the morning, but with more syllables. In coaching, we call that a wink from the Universe. (I wonder what corporates call it.)
I invited two of my clients to let their gremlins have full rein at the beginning of our group’s call. They each had a minute to let loose, and they did a beautiful job. My purpose was to allow the negativity to have its head, and then excuse it from the premises. Coaching and gremlins don’t work well together. Those critters must be removed.
It was a very productive rant. I’ve asked my clients’ permission to share the words of their saboteurs because they are universal, even though they may sound personal to you. Here’s what they heard. Sound familiar?
- “You don’t really know what you’re doing.”
- “Why not just enjoy the summer?”
- “Do you really want to build this big a business?!”
- “That’s a lot of work.”
- “It doesn’t matter how you‘re feeling. You still have to show up for your clients.”
- “You can’t do this forever. Why bother?”
- “Who says you have to go to the next level?”
It didn’t take long to fill the allotted time, but I could tell they were running out of steam at the end. After that, I denied all entry to gremlin-esque thoughts or concerns. We had a very productive session.
In a self-help book I read long ago, it was suggested that you reserve a special time each day to spend on what’s bothering you–say 4-4:15pm every afternoon. That will serve as your dedicated gremlin/voices time, a chance to give your full attention to the matters at hand. If a voice starts grabbing your attention at 10am (“You’re an impostor!”), remind yourself to take note and consider the ‘advice’ at 4pm. You can see where this is heading. Inevitably, the flow of your work, what you’re meant to be doing takes over and you’re able to work peacefully and productively. When the appointed time comes, you may or may not decide to mentally hash out the earlier thoughts. Our 1-minute rants served a similar purpose of re-training the mind when it comes to gremlins and saboteurs.
One great transition that occurred after that initial exercise was the re-framing of one client’s thought. In order to get to the next level, this business owner felt that she would have to “expose [her]self more.” That sounded frightening to her and to me, too. After discussion and processing on the subject, this is her new language regarding the opportunity: “I consciously create important relationships in a bigger arena.” She began to feel the positive pull of that phrasing. Feels really different, doesn’t it?
So, spend time with your gremlins…on your watch, not theirs. I promise, it works.
A strategy I learned quickly and well in my early stages of entrepreneurship was that I got to choose which 8 hours a day I work. (A snarky associate suggested it was more like which 20 hours she chose to work…) As an early riser, I often have more done by 9AM than many accomplish by 2PM. Without phones ringing or a deluge of email, I’m able to laser focus and move through correspondence, writing, planning and mulling before most people hit their offices.
Going for a shiatsu treatment, as I did yesterday at 4, is a way I reward myself. While waiting for the practitioner to finish up with his previous appointment, I was able to fit in a business call while standing on his front porch overlooking a salt marsh in Fairfield. No need to explain my whereabouts or why the call needed to be brief.
A colleague of mine always says, “My office is in my pocket.”
Block in time for yourself on your calendar and treat it as an appointment, as you would with any other commitment you make. No need to share with anyone that those hours you’re booked are for a haircut. It’s nobody’s business but your own.
Self-care is a critical component of success. Deprivation is the bane of many business owner’s existence. My recommendation is to schedule in your personal needs along with your business needs and show up for both with equal enthusiasm and respect.
Q – What do getting a massage, reading about Newt Gingrich and pottery have in common?
A – A seed for a blog post planted, watered by an article in the NY Times and then fertilized by an analogy for both.
I received a wonderful massage yesterday afternoon from a young woman in Black Rock. As we were chatting afterwards, she mentioned two things. One, that she and her husband were planning a four-month sabbatical to India. Possibly six months. And, two, what did I think of the idea of her starting an improvisational dance program between now and then. BTW, she has a successful and growing massage practice.
I told her about a lesson I learned from reading The Work of Craft. It’s about a person who loves doing things with her hands. This person takes up pottery and masters centering clay on the wheel in about a week. She begins to raise the walls of the pot and creates many bowls and vases for friends and family; maybe even sells a bunch. Then it begins to get harder. To create those beautiful thin-walled pots and vases is difficult. It may takes months or years to perfect this, so why not take up macrame or weaving where the learning curve to competence will again be fast?
It’s the staying in the learning times that brings mastery. It’s easy and rewarding to jump ship and try something else. You can say, “I know how to throw pots and warp a loom.” But what do you really want? My massage therapist friend got it immediately. “It’s a distraction, isn’t it?”
This morning, reading about Newt Gingrich and his departed band of strategists I saw these quotes:
“[They're - referring to Mr. and Mrs. Gingrich] not doing enough to dedicate themselves to the hard work and the unglamorous aspects [of the campaign]“
and
His strategists demanded that he “curtail distractions like screenings of his documentaries.”
It’s the dailiness of entrepreneurship (and life) and sticking to it no matter what that gets the big results. Do you have any unglamorous aspects to attend to today? I wish you a distraction-free day.
I occasionally allow myself the joyful distraction of online videos, particularly if they’re sent by one of my kids. I say occasionally because the temptation is frequent. Laura, my youngest, sent me this link to something called Grand Rapids LipDub. She and I share a devotion to Improv Everywhere, so she knew I’d take time to watch this clip with a similar feel. I loved it and hope you will, too. It represents qualities I’m passionate about living in this country of ours–the spirit of community, the freedom to create and the joy of that freedom in evidence.
I posted it on my Facebook news feed and got a comment from my Virtual Assistant, Valerie, who lives in Grand Rapids. I didn’t know that since her mailing address has a different name listed (Wyoming)–kind of like Rowayton being part of Norwalk, which not everyone knows. Valerie knew all about the LipDub and had even been invited to participate.
She wrote me a detailed message about the planning of the event and why she wasn’t able to participate. Everyone in Grand Rapids knew about it and could be in it, but Val had already made plans with friends for that weekend as well as commitments to her family soon after. She was marshalling her resources. I shared her detailed account of all this with Laura who immediately wrote back and said:
“So cool! Shows she must be a good assistant because she doesn’t blow things off for other things.”
I, too, admire Val’s values and love that Laura underscored them in her response.
At the urging of my own personal mastermind group (thank you, Mary, Brenda and Val), I began blogging three years ago this month. At the time it felt like yet another thing to do, another check box on the list. Not quite drudgery, but I couldn’t see the point.
Three years later, I love the sport and absolutely see the ‘why’ in showing up three times a week to give voice to what’s important in my corner of the world.
I’ve approached life in a new and different way, thinking as a journalist rather than Plain Jane. Everything I come into contact with–each new relationship, opportunity or incident–becomes fodder for the mill. Miriam Salpeter brilliantly likened the Royal Wedding to Job Search in a recent posting. Like Miriam, I love taking what’s happening around the world and in my local community and pulling out the wisdom for entrepreneurs, specifically women business owners. Whether it’s swooning over Tina Fey’s Bossypants, or touting the inspiring successes of my clients and colleagues, I feel more alive and connected than I ever have.
I’ve gotten to bond with you in unexpected new ways, and that’s the greater reward. I rarely go anywhere these days where someone doesn’t mention something I shared in a posting. “Loved you in the red coat!.” “Boy, that parking lot attendant sure taught you.” “How was Costa Rica?” It’s surprising, humbling, scary (How’d you know that? Oh, I wrote about it, and you read it! Oops.) I feel more seen and understood than ever before. I’ve discovered what’s really important to me (sharing what I know with other women business owners), what prejudices I harbor (why are there 95% men represented in the iStockphoto.com images?), and how brilliant, courageous and inspiring women are (read any of my posts over the last three years).
Like I heard about entering the speaking and coaching industries, people said, “It’s an easy business to get into, but a hard business to stay in.” I feel the same way about blogs. A lot of people start blogs then abandon them.There can be excitement and enthusiasm at the outset, posting, then watching your numbers grow or not. But it’s the disciplined dailiness of any venture that creates success. I have gotten better at it over time, and simply showing up religiously has its own merits. Brian Tracy says that what makes people extraordinary is doing ordinary things extraordinarily well.
This is my 448th post. There have been 1948 comments. I shall continue this journey and welcome your staying with me for the ride.
