MORE Magazine (April 2012) featured an inspiring article about Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s recent visit with Aung San Suu Kyi, Burma’s best-known opposition leader and a Nobel peace laureate. To read about the meeting of these two powerful women was exhilarating and informative.

What happened behind the scenes the night before contained the tidbit I wanted to pass on. How often must we reign in our own personal habits and desires for the greater good?

She ordered tea, much to the disappointment of the the traveling-press regulars, who prefer it when Clinton knocks back a few drinks with them., as she is known to do.

Sorry, guys, I can’t. I’d love to, but I can’t,” she says when wine is offered. She’s already losing her voice and needs some tea with honey. It’s a big day tomorrow. She has a president to size up, a heroine rebel to embrace, a country to help save. And a few million women to fight for. She’ll pass on the Chardonnay.

Barbara’s gift and the Lululemon recyclable bag

It would ruin any mystery surrounding the birthday gift I’m giving her tonight. But my experience at Lululemon yesterday bears sharing with my audience of business owners and other interested consumers.

I selected a cool, reversible jacket as my gift to Barbara, brought it to the checkout counter and asked that it be wrapped as a gift. “We don’t have gift boxes. We’re a sustainable store,” I was told with just the slightest edge of superiority.

“Could you put a little tissue around it?” I asked, hoping for a touch of festivity in the unwrapping experience.

“No, we don’t believe in adding waste to the environment,” the salesgirl said. Actually, she didn’t say that exactly, but that was my interpretation of her repeating the ‘sustainable’ mantra in slightly different language.

Another jolt I got at that counter was the guestbook sign-in. Hoping to get the inside scoop on what towns other shoppers were visiting from, I was surprised to see that the pages consisted solely of names and email addresses. Clearly, paper, envelopes and stamps were not going to be used by this company.

I admire and support the philosophy and commitment of Lululemon, but have to confess to suffering a bit of culture shock, this being my first time interfacing with the reality of it.

I do plan to tie a (recyclable) ribbon around the cool, environmentally correct bag they did give me for transporting said gift to its recipient. I hope Barbara likes it. They did print out an extra gift receipt, just in case.

One of the reasons I just joined Ladies Who Launch was to be sure to claim my space at Kristin van Ogtrop’s talk last week in Greenwich. I knew it would be a sell-out and that members would receive priority. I became a platinum member and slid onto the list of attendees.

She was fabulous!

To get a sense of Kristin’s outlook and humor I recommend buying her book (seen here), but to give you a small appetizer, here are two of my favorite points she made during her talk that night:

#3 – If you don’t have a thick skin, learn to heal quickly.

She showed an actual email she’d received (the person’s email name and address included!) that was insulting and rude as an example of what she occasionally contends with. That really got my attention as I have recently been on the receiving end of others’ ire. When you’re a public figure of any dimension, you do become a target. I liked her directive to deal with the hurt and move on rapidly. I’ve been applying that wisdom to good advantage.

I remember a Newsday poll from many years ago that named Howard Stern as the best-loved radio personality. He was simultaneously named the most-hated radio personality. Fame (or any public notice) will often be a double-edged sword.

My other favorite point Kristin made was:

#4 – Don’t exceed your own personal speed limit.

That’s easily understood and could be a screen saver on your computer monitor. How often do you take on more than you can accomplish in a day? That little word “no” (which Kristin recommended liberal use of) will help keep your travel lane flowing smoothly.

In addition to hearing Kristin speak, I’m delighted to be a new member of Ladies Who Launch which is being so well run by Kathy McShane who is devoted to helping women business owners succeed. I share that passion with Kathy and am excited about joining forces with her to serve our community and beyond.

My beloved professor and some of his collection

My primary reason for visiting Savannah earlier this week was to visit my good friend Meredith Gray in her new digs. She moved from Connecticut last fall after one too many winters in the Northeast.

Coincidentally, I’d recently heard from another dear friend in GA, my college professor Jim Cavanaugh, who has written a book on acting and invited me to design its cover. I asked Jim about the distance from Savannah to his home on St. Simons Island. Perhaps I could hand-deliver the artwork since I was flying south anyway. Graciously, Meredith willingly chauffeured me to a brunch date with Jim which provided the opportunity to present him his cover. He loved it!

What a treat to be in Jim’s company again after more than 20 years since we’d last seen each other at a reunion. I had had a double major at Mount Holyoke–Studio Art and Theatre. I was a backstage person designing sets, logos and props for many productions. Jim has saved many pieces of the work I did back then including the logo for The Caucasian Chalk Circle (hanging above my head) and the bunraku puppet (next to it) which I had made representing the child in that production during my senior year.

There was something extraordinary about seeing artwork I had created 40 years ago. It surprised me that I liked it. And I was touched that Jim had it so prominently displayed throughout his home. What a gift it is to maintain relationships over the decades and to have the opportunity to revisit them. It’s important to me to keep up with my friendships and to make time for seeing the people I love.

Do you feel that way too?

Carlette Cormier holding her Savannah Toile handbag.

I spent the early part of this week visiting my good friend Meredith Gray at her new bungalow in Savannah. We invited a fellow Savannah-ite to join us for breakfast Tuesday morning at the Sentient Bean.

Carlette Cormier and I had met in 2003–I as a speaker, Carlette as an award-winning designer. She recently took my webinar, so our friendship was re-kindled and visiting her in GA was a must. Her focus now is in developing her Savannah Toile business, which she’s doing with great success.

Carlette is a born story-teller. She was describing a big job she’d installed a few years ago at an elegant restaurant in town called Ele. As a designer, she was tasked with creating upholstered walls for one of the dining rooms. I asked her how she had received that opportunity. Carlette’s next door neighbor is a masseuse and the owner of Ele regularly received massages from her. Carlette’s neighbor happily made the referral. As Carlette so succinctly put it:

“You never know where your next referral is coming from.”

Carlette’s upholstered wall panels for Ele

One of Terrie Williams’ wise volumes on life

Continuing Terrie’s list from my post last week, here are the final 10 ways to promote yourself in business:

11. Send a follow-up note to people you meet and would like to stay in touch with. [As a sidebar to this, I blogged about  Doug Friedman's (of Melissa and Doug) inspiring talk at the Westport Library last week and received an email from him thanking me for my post. He is forever endeared to me for even noticing!]
12. Get to know support staff of the person or company you may want to do business with. If you develop these relationships, when you call, there will be a better chance of being put through.
13. Know your profession. Stay abreast of all the latest trends and developments in your field and your geographic area. Read everything you can get your hands on and know who is doing what, where, when and how. Learn to skim.
14. Pass articles along with a note if you come across one that may be of interest to a colleague. Maybe your associates don’t have the time to read the number of publication you do. You’ll provide a valuable service that they will undoubtedly appreciate. [This is more true than ever with the Internet, a greater variety of media inundating us, and the ease of forwarding valuable information.]
15. Keep a supply of greeting cards for all occasions. Pay attention to special occasions of colleagues and prospective business contacts and stay in touch.
16. Write…write…write. Send letters [emails, now] to people you want to do business with. Many valuable relationships have developed this way.
17. Go through your Rolodex [online database] periodically and send a hello note to those people you want to remember you.
18. Let people know that you are available to speak or to otherwise participate in panel discussions, seminars, clubs, religious organizations, civic groups, charitable organizations, service groups and community centers.
19. Selectively donate your services to nonprofit organizations that may be in need of your expertise.
20. Remember what Mom used to tell you: say Thank You. It’s amazing how few people invest the time to express gratitude for a favor or job well done. Remember that people don’t have to do anything for you It’s all about developing a winning style and cultivating relationships that can be instrumental in opening doors you never dreamed could open for you. Work hard to achieve your goals. There will be disappointments and defeats along with the highs and the joyous victories, but if you apply the “little things,” you’ll be amazed at how many “big things” may result.

I attended a stellar event last night at the Westport Library, the first in a two-part series called “Creating and Growing Businesses that Thrive.” Doug Bernstein, of Melissa and Doug fame, was interviewed by NPR reporter Alison Freeland in front of a packed house of business owners. The 90 minutes flew by as Alison tossed out questions to Doug and he shared his vast expertise.

Here’s some of the wisdom I heard (interviewer’s or audience’s questions in italics):

• What’s a typical day? Every day is different. Every day you get thrown a lot of pitches. You decide which ones you want to hit. There are always more than you can get done.
• If you’re not failing a lot, you’re not testing yourself hard enough.
• What is your definition of entrepreneurship? Wanting something to be different; wanting to effect change; making something different or better
• We begged our first customers (toy store owners) to watch our video [their first product]. It’s ALL about the customer!
• What advice would you give people who are starting a business? I’ll go out on a limb here and say, this Internet thing is going to stick.
• While the NYTimes recently wrote that toy companies are going techno, we love being contrarians.
• How do you manage the PR for your company? “We don’t. We’ve spent $1.87 on marketing in 23 years. Our customers do the marketing for us. The best marketing you can do is taking care of your customers.
• We stay intimately involved with our customers. It is always ALL about the customers.
• Our culture is unique in its lack of meetings. I’m not a big fan of meetings.
• Rejection is the best thing that can happen. It fuels your success. Mistakes are the best part. There’s a hunger you get from them.
• Are you worried about imitators? No, we realized that while they can copy a product, it’s the combination of our product, our interest in our customers and our innovative style–the culture and soul of our business–that can’t be duplicated.

During the Q+A session following the interview, I asked for confirmation on something I thought I heard him say while being interviewed. I asked, “Just to be clear, did you say that you left your job at MCA (Marketing Corporation of America) without a business plan or a product?”

He did. Without a plan, a product or a safety net, he quit his job. He then explained how he and Melissa went to their parents (they were in their late 20′s and not yet married), sat them down and told them, “We’re going to have a… business.” The rest is history.

Alison Freeland Interviewing Doug Bernstein at the Westport Library “Insights from Entrepreneurs” Event

Terrie Williams

I’m a big believer in mining your files for ideas and opportunities that already exist and are in your back pocket. As I was clearing out my file cabinet last week, I came across an old EWN Newsletter featuring 20 Ways to Promote Yourself in Business by one of my all-time favorite business leaders and speakers, Terrie Williams.

I’d heard Terrie speak at an AWED (American Women’s Economic Development) Conference years ago, then again at my local networking organization not long after that. Her messages have resonated with me ever since hearing her stories at those events. The article summarizes that wisdom.

I emailed Terrie today to ask permission to share her ideas with my readers. I was hoping to hear back from her by week’s end. I got a response within 10 minutes with an emphatic “but of course!”

Thank you, Terrie, for your generosity then and now. Here’re the first 10 tips on her list of the “little things” that set us apart from the competition (slightly edited):

1. Know that your reputation is valuable – and that it often reaches people before you do. Be sincere, be honest, be prepared, be professional, be thoughtful, be efficient–and delivers.
2. Do what you say you’re going to do. If you can’t deliver on time (and reasons for this should only have to do with circumstances beyond your control) pick up the phone ASAP and say so. Make sure you meet the next deadline you set.
3. Return all phone calls. You never know why a person may be calling.
4. Treat everyone with respect and courtesy. A person’s position in life should have absolutely noting to do with how you interact with them. What goes around comes around.
5. Be visible. Go to professional seminars, luncheons, receptions, dinners, any kind of gathering of folks. You have to be out there for people to notice you.
6. When you meet people, be mindful. Look them in the eye, smile, be personable, have a firm handshake and actually be with the individual in that moment.
7. Try to develop a knack for remembering names. People will be flattered if you can call them by name after only a brief introduction. Your recall is best when you want to remember.
8. Be an active listener while you’re engaged in conversation. Politely excuse yourself if you feel yourself becoming bored or distracted.
9. Create a “small talk” notebook for when you go out–anecdotes and/or questions you jot down about life or current events that are guaranteed to stimulate conversation. Be creative, even outrageous but always professional with your ideas. Ask people something about themselves. People do like to talk about their own lives and jobs.
10. Be sensitive to the body language of those you come in contact with. And beware of how you come across to other people.

More coming later this week…

Scarlett DeBease-My wardrobe and make-up consultant at 8am--pre-TEDx

I gave my TEDx talk my all on Saturday and I’m satisfied with my performance and also happy that it’s behind me now. It was an incredible opportunity to speak at such an extraordinarily well-executed event. Jeremey Donovan and his team did an outstanding job of coordinating nine speakers and all the logistics that went into creating a TEDx program–no small feat.

There was a timely essay in The New York Times Book Review yesterday by Susan Cain who gave her own TED talk in February about being an introvert–already an intriguing premise. Imagine being an introvert and having to present in front of 1500 people! Here’s a quote from that article describing how highly she regarded this opportunity:

The week before the conference, I canceled everything on my calendar other than bath time with my kids. Instead of writing and reading and working, I hired an acting coach, Jim, and rehearsed all day, every day, Monday through Saturday.

It served her well. Over two million people have watched the video of her speech The Power of Introverts. This makes me feel more secure in telling you how much I invested in my experience. I, too, hired a speech coach. I wanted to be sure that my talk was on point, that the order of my stories made sense, that I had the right images to accompany those stories, and that  my gestures matched my words and conveyed my enthusiasm.

In addition, I hired someone to help me with my appearance on THE DAY. We met an hour before showtime for hair and make-up. I also made arrangements to have the event photographically documented. I saw this as a major opportunity and I did everything within my power to capitalize on its outcome.

This is also called risk-taking. There is no guarantee that I will get anything in return for my investment of time, energy, brain power and financial resources. That’s the nature of risks. But, I believe that I will and used every resource I had to achieve that. Time will tell.

One of the lessons I’ve learned  is that even if this TEDx experience doesn’t become the turning point in my life that I optimistically wish for, the story of its unfolding will provide great material for whatever does show up for me next.

I have re-written my talk, rehearsed it ad nauseam, reviewed my slides, packed my make-up, tried on my outfit…again, meditated, visualized, FB’ed for support, been manicured and pedicured and am now awaiting THE BIG DAY.

Today is the day before the Stamford TEDx (rhymes with FedEx) event and I’m thoroughly ready to go on and do my thing. For the last two weeks, this has been the central focus of my thoughts. I’ve been speaking for over 15 years, but this opportunity feels like the biggest one ever because of the potential reach of the TED.com site.

I’m grateful to all of you who have been so supportive along the way. Your belief in me and your positive comments are carrying me through the pre-show jitters.

I’ll give you a full report early next week and post the video as soon as it becomes available.