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I’ve been a fan of Martha Beck ever since reading Expecting Adam: A True Story of Birth, Rebirth, and Everyday Magic over a decade ago. She’s a life coach, author and columnist for O Magazine, whose wisdom and words are inspiring. Her recent column in O’s September issue was so on point for one of my clients, I had to read her my underlines.
This particular client was being self-critical of her need for personal time and rest. She wasn’t finding her mojo and felt guilty about it. Martha’s piece entitled “Lying Low” addressed this. “Humans are the only creature in nature that resist the pattern of ebb and flow.” We think we have to keep moving, keep generating, keep trying to solve, solve, solve when sometimes the solution is to step aside and rest.
“…The darkness between days, the emptiness between fill-ups, the fallow time between growing seasons–are the necessary complements of upbeats.” To everything, there is a season. Resting and restoring are parts of the cycle we so easily overlook, more so when our minds are telling us to keep striving. Sometimes the solution is to stop and let time pass.
That said, I’m leaving for a mini-vacation to Kripalu, my favorite place to go for R & R. These last days of August feel a lot like the end of December when it seems that no one is around. The phone is quiet, networking events are non-existent (except for mine next week!) and everyone appears to be operating in back-to-school or last-chance-for-the-beach mode. Rather than fight it or try to make it different, I’m taking off to a place where I can rest, get a massage and be in nature.
Come the hectic pace of September I know I’ll look back on this quiet time and be grateful that I didn’t push my way through it but surrendered instead. Thanks for the reminder, Martha.
My dear friend, Cookie (aka Marisabina Russo) turned the big 6-0 last month. At a gala surprise party organized by her devoted husband Whitney, about that many friends gathered including several Artsy Girls pictured here.
To personally celebrate Cookie, I invited her to come to Kripalu with me, a first time visit for this good friend. We were in the Berkshires for a couple of days on their R&R program, hiking, doing yoga, resting and renewing.
In addition to the wonderful activities this yoga center provides, there are exceptional evening workshops too. While Cookie got her massage one of the evenings we were there, I attended a session entitled Power of Word presented by Danny Arguetty. Understandably, he talked about how much more there is to expression than simply the words that we use. In one exercise he rated emotions on a scale–the highest levels being joy, empowerment, love, appreciation and freedom; the lowest – fear, grief, despair and powerlessness. He pointed out that having the vocabulary helps us access where we are on the scale and allows us to articulate our way up from, say, boredom to hopefulness once we see the continuum of the emotional scale.
I wrote down two things Danny said. One was about how so many of us are around tough topics. He made a gesture with one hand as though lifting something off the floor and said, “Hello, Little Rug.” Then he gestured with the other hand–a brushing kind of motion and said, “Sweep! Sweep!” The point being how often we sweep things under the proverbial rug, only to have them then go down the emotional scale because feelings can’t be ignored. They will have their way!
The other saying I jotted down was a quote from the Swami Kripalu who asked, “Is what you have to say an improvement on silence?” I’ve heard, “think before you speak” but this took it to a whole new level.
Friday morning Cookie and I walked the labyrinth on the grounds of this gorgeous property. Then lunch and departure. We got someone to take a shot of us before we left–two busy entrepreneurs taking two days together to celebrate a life passage.
I took away great value from my short stay at Kripalu a couple of weeks ago, especially in the area of accepting what presently is in my life. In a 1-hour session on mindfulness with Randal Williams, I heard much to reinforce and to help deepen practices I’ve been using.
Before the recession hit, my business life was full of activities, all heading in the direction of my passion, but at such a frenetic pace I never had time to be still and evaluate what I was doing. There was so much going on that sticky issues would easily get bypassed because something new and exciting was coming to replace it.
Yes, I’ve always had my Mastermind Group to run things by, and I speak regularly to an action partner. But now there are longer gaps, quieter times and bigger questions that time has allowed to surface. Are you finding yourself with open spaces of time to mull your direction and wonder what’s next?
In Randal’s handout, he noted that ‘What helps to lift us out of our suffering is our infinite capacity to become the transcendent witness: I can see myself having this experience. This witness ability is strengthened through meditation.’
Separating myself out from the businesswoman who is experiencing pain or suffering because an outcome wasn’t just so is essential to my peace of mind and my success.When I have a phone conversation that has my heart racing I practice what I’ve been taught. Here’s an example of the self-talk conversation:
“I’m noticing that my heart is racing. I just got off of a disappointing call that wasn’t quite what I expected. Look at this. My breath is really fast and shallow now. I’m feeling constriction in my chest. And, I’m sitting here on this glorious fall day, seeing the sun shine and being aware of these sensations. Now, what was I so scared about?”
Notice the beginnings of detachment already happening? The more we can practice this mindfulness in our businesses, the happier, more serene and ultimately more successful we’ll become.
At one of my first EWN luncheons ever I sat next to a self-employed career counselor who told me that every six weeks she took a week off from her very intense schedule. Since she was her own boss and was responsible for her calendar, it made sense that she could book her appointments and vacations to suit her needs. “You can do that?” I wondered to myself.
I have never forgotten that detail and have worked towards emulating it ever since she mentioned it close to 15 years ago. As I write this today, I am sitting in the cafe at Kripalu where I’ve just spent the last two nights on a mini-vacaction. For those of you who know Kripalu, two days feels much longer. It’s serene, low-key and unplugged. (I’m in the only wired section just for the duration of writing this entry, I promise. Oh, and checking email…)
Yesterday, after a pre-dawn gentle yoga class, breakfast and a guided hike up Olivia’s Lookout, I participated in a Sharing Circle led by Ken Nelson. I knew I wanted to attend this, not only for the opportunity to take stock of my life at the moment, but primarily because Ken is a gifted teacher. I had taken his 3-day workshop, Creating Powerful Experiential Workshops, in preparation for my retreat offerings which began several years ago. It was Ken who taught me how to structure the days, create interactivity and variety, allow for deeper trust and sharing.
Last year, just around the time of the financial meltdown, Ken and I partnered to offer a Create Your Own Future weekend experience at Kripalu. Needless to say, not many people were investing in a future that was hanging precariously in the balance globally. Now that the population has adjusted to the ‘new normal,’ and with the happy coincidence of running into Ken yesterday, we both acknowledged a desire to put our offering out again. We look forward to booking time at Kripalu for a Friday-Sunday workshop in 2010 for anyone looking to design how they want their futures to look–vacations included.
Taking my own advice I’ve decided that rather than offer a Luxury Spa Retreat at Canyon Ranch for women business owners, I’d make a change.
What feels right to me, at this time in our economy, is to offer a similar experience–allowing time to focus on what you really want in your business and your life–but at a more economically sound location:Kripalu, one of my favorite places on earth.
I’ve been going to Kripalu for about 20 years for rest and renewal, for experiential programs, juice fasts, meditation retreats and fun. I credit it with being the home of much of my transformation in my life and work.
Now, I want to invite my participants to join me there. The program will be exactly the same, but the carpeting won’t be as thick. The food is delicious and health-focused, there’s a great sauna and whirlpool, massages and other holistic treatments are available and the price is right. Instead of the $2500 price tag for the Canyon Ranch experience, our early bird offer (sign up by February 15–a great Valentine’s gift to yourself, and it’s deductible) is $995. That’ll include all meals, housing, yoga and dance classes as well as the Create Your Own Future program. Watch for your invitation early next week…
It just feels right.
