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I was laughing out loud as I read Martha Beck’s column in the August edition of O Magazine. In her article, Our Buddies, Our Selves, she hilariously describes the inner voices we all experience (whether we admit it or not). She’s named them. There’s Fang, who shows up impeccably dressed, organized and responds with alacrity. As she puts it:
In a clear authoritative voice, Fang delivers strong opinions about how you should manage your time.
And then there’s Buddy who’s dressed in shorts and a tank top and hugs you when you ask his advice.
There are almost no words on Buddy’s resume (the few that do appear are jokes and song lyrics), and in the margins, Buddy has doodled pictures of chipmunks.
It feels like that, doesn’t it? Our rational, buttoned-down mind tells us we’d have to be crazy to pass up an opportunity, while our still, small, chipmunky voice whispers, ‘please don’t do that again.’
Typically on a coaching call with one of my clients, I’ll ask her to get quiet for a moment, take a breath, close her eyes and go inside. Invariably, the truth and real desire bubble up to the surface in that moment, and there is no going back.
We betray ourselves all the time in the guise of a well-dressed gremlin carrying that smart attache case with organized folders. In my experience, time will do what time does–give you migraines, arthritis or back pain to send its message. You can’t do this anymore.
Listen to that inner voice now. What is it saying today? What change do you need to make? What do you need to say ‘no’ to today? Have courage! Ask Fang to step aside and open your arms for a hug from the truth.
I consulted my BLOGWORTHY file this morning for inspiration. I often rip out articles from magazines and newspapers I read and tuck them into a file folder for future use. (I’m giving away my demographic, eh?) As I was thumbing through that collection checking for resonance, the one that jumped out at me was an article by Michael Lewis from O Magazine, the June 2009 issue. It was a piece on parenting. The sentence I underlined read, “We’re all just groping, then lying about it afterward.”
Yup, all those parents who claimed their children slept through every night and who never encountered sibling rivalry among their offspring. I was never able to make those claims because me and lying aren’t compatible.
I hear parallel claims today in my entrepreneurial sphere. Business owners I meet who are “having their best year ever” and whose phones are ringing off the hook. That may or may not be true. I don’t actually care whether it is or not, nor do I compare myself to their assertions. Time has a way of outing impostors, so it’s not up to me to challenge anyone else’s claim.
What I loved about this line was what Lewis exposes about us all (when we’re being totally honest). We’re all just groping. The more creative and persistent that groping is, the more successful we’re likely to become. Once again, it comes down to feeling good enough about yourself in the day to choose what methods you’ll pick today. In the good ole days it was going after the low-hanging fruit. Now, it’s planting the seeds, or figuring out which land to stake out your new garden in.
This is an entry of optimism and encouragement. I say, “grope away” and put any face on it you need to in order to keep groping tomorrow.
Here’s why I love blogging! When I posted the piece about getting one’s product into O magazine–and how it can unexpectedly temporarily overwhelm a business–my intention was simply to report what I noticed. The incident stood out for me because I felt a kinship to Anne, having exhibited alongside her at the same craft shows years ago.
I immediately heard from a representative who’d read my blog (thank you, Google Alerts) offering a thorough explanation of inventory and ordering. In our communications, I mentioned to her my history with Anne, the business owner. And, because they were out of stock on the “Stop me before I volunteer again”, the company graciously and generously sent me post-it notes, a note pad and emery boards with the same message as a gift.
The unexpected pleasure has been in re-connecting with Anne personally and establishing an account with her company. Her products are perfect gifts for my clients and friends. Her tag line is Making Smart People Smile since 1985. Perfect, right? What woman business owner doesn’t want that?
During my coaching training, and when I work with my clients, I often use a couple of tools I learned: Future Self and Life Purpose.
Here’s a dramatically abbreviated overview: In defining one’s Future Self you participate in a visualization that allows you to imagine what you’ll be like in 5, 10, 20 years. It provides substantial imagery and a comforting look at what’s coming. At the end of the visualization, you’re asked to give your Future Self a name. I chose Wise Woman.
The Life Purpose exercise incorporates some of the Future Self images as well as identifying a peak moment in your past. Through a process that is challenging and fun (again, I’m abbreviating), a life purpose statement is formulated. Mine is: I am the midwife who helps you deliver your creative ideas.
Here’s the ta-dah. In the current issue of O magazine I came across this sentence on p. 169: The French word for midwife is sage-femme, wise woman.
Felt like an exclamation point from the Universe.
Years ago Anne Taintor and I met when we were each exhibiting our artwork at the Westport Creative Arts Festival. I’ve been following her career ever since.
She has branded herself brilliantly over the years and created a look uniquely hers. Whenever I see her products on sale I’m thrilled for her success. I was tickled to see her featured in O Magazine’s June 2008 issue. In an article enumerating 101 ways to say “no” they selected one of Anne’s hilarious message pins. I immediately went to place an order for 100. They are perfect fun gifts for my clients who find themselves giving away precious time.
However, when I selected the item to add to my cart I got the following message:
Sorry – Item 02316 is currently out of stock.
The good news and bad news about appearing in such a high circulation magazine is that everyone sees your product (good news), and if you’re out of stock the minute they want to order it, you’ve lost a sale and probably a customer (bad news).
I know I’ll return to Anne’s site next month to order this and several other products, but felt badly that her company hadn’t anticipated the volume created by Oprah’s enormous clout.
