You Probably Already Knew This…

November 23, 2009 in personal development, time management | Leave a comment

But I heard Mark Tannenbaum speak at a networking lunch today and he put something in a way that caught my attention. He said that time is our only non-renewable resource. Money can be replaced when you run out. What business owner hasn’t experienced this phenomenon? Energy can too–just rest and more will come. But time is its own thing. Once it’s gone, that’s it.

Made me think of the Billy Crystal play I saw a few years back called 700 Sundays, the approximate number of Sundays Crystal got to spend with his father who passed away in Billy’s youth. I remember his making an analogy to having 700 marbles in a glass jar and moving them one at a time to another jar to demonstrate how precious each one was.

Fortunately, most of don’t know how many marbles there are remaining in our own jar (or anyone else’s).  But it can be both sobering and invigorating to choose when and how to spend our time.

I Have My Rights

November 20, 2009 in goal-setting, small business, women business owners | 6 comments

It all started when I noticed that my book Soul Proprietor had a different  jacket representing it on amazon.com. Then I saw that it was no longer ranked and that copies didn’t seem to be available except through resellers. Odd, I thought. What’s up? When I called to order more copies from the publisher, it was days before I got any response. Weird.

The publisher had changed hands twice since it was originally published in 2001 when Crossing Press had made the deal with me. They were subsequently bought by Ten Speed Press who is now owned by Random House. My one title was lost in the shuffle. After several weeks of phone calls and emails I was told that my book was not going to be carried on their lists anymore.

Rather than being upset or depressed, I was actually elated. I am anxious to reprint it myself, update a few of the lessons and change its look. That’s one of my goals for 2010.

Today I signed for and picked up the express mail envelope containing the  final document from Ten Speed Press. The rights have officially reverted to me. Not sure many authors are happy when such a thing happens, but I am.

What It All Comes Down To

November 19, 2009 in inspiration, personal development | Tags: | Leave a comment

I took a wonderful aqua strengthening class this morning and was impressed by the instructor’s positive attitude. Here we were: eight women in a pool, not world class athletes he may also have the privilege of training. I’ve attended this class only on an annual basis when I come to this particular facility and have often had this teacher. He’s memorable because not only is he very handsome, but his name is Blaze (not pictured above, but the enthusiasm is similar). Who could forget that?

I asked him at the end of the class how he keeps it so lively and engaging. After all, he’s on dry land while we’re in the pool kicking and splashing. It’s different than many classes where the instructor participates and breaks a sweat. I could imagine that it would get old. But it felt like he was having as good a time as we were. I wondered to what he attributed his positive attitude.

“Caffeine,” he joked at first. But then he described how he had worked for GE for a number of years downsizing departments which wasn’t much fun at all. He made a conscious decision to choose a different way of life and joined the staff at this spa. “I like making people happy,” he added. “I can see them enjoying themselves, and that gives me back so much.”

Right after that class I headed for my computer where I opened an email from communications expert Debbie Fay. Her newsletter this month is entitled Audience Abuse: Don’t be a perpetrator. And here’s her first sentence:

The first thing you must do as a presenter is (drum roll please) CARE!

Whether you’re speaking to an auditorium filled with a thousand fans or conducting an exercise class for eight women, you gotta care. It shows.

Bring It On!

November 16, 2009 in Balance, coaching, family, personal development, self-care, time management, women business owners | 2 comments

doorknobI just got off the phone with a client and wanted to share an issue (with her permission) that came up. It has a very familiar ring to it. I know it will benefit many of you, especially with the holiday season upon us.

She talked about a closed door on the subject of family obligations. “It is what it is, and that’s all that can be said about it.”

Of course I had to ask, what if it were different? What if family obligations weren’t a source of conflict or frustration?

Her mood brightened noticeably. She had never considered the alternative.

What if she said “no?” What if there was a previous commitment?

“Then it would be easier,” she said.

I assigned her the task of writing ‘previous commitment’ on every page of her calendar from now until the first of next year as a reminder. She almost couldn’t wait for that phone call when she could put this to the test. “Bring it on!” she laughed.

I remember feeling not in control of my time when it came to my family of origin. I was always on call for their needs. When someone pointed out to me that I had a choice, I didn’t get it until they provided a visual metaphor. “It’s like there’s a door between you and the doorknob is on their side.” Once I understood it in that way I mentally installed the doorknob on my side and stopped playing the victim.

Erica Green’s Big Connect

November 13, 2009 in branding, family, goal-setting, inspiration, marketing, networking, persistence, small business, start-up business, success, support, women business owners | Tags: , | 2 comments

P1000199Last night over a 100 women came to the Fairfield Museum to be a part of Erica Green’s dream event–The Big Connect. Erica shared her idea with me a year ago over lunch at Bloodroot (my favorite vegetarian restaurant). What’s so great about her concept is that you get it immediately. The tag line is “100 women you want to know better.” Don’t you want to go?

I knew that I wanted not only to attend, but also to have a booth space. I dusted off my trade show set-up and arrived early to put everything in order.

P1000200TFI Envision helped me with my re-branding a few years ago and included these banners which are noticeable from across a large room. I met great women and got a sense of what’s going on in the community at large.

At about 9pm Erica gathered everyone in the main exhibition room to say a few words. She shared her vision, which I just loved.

“When I was in Mexico,” Erica told us, “I was taken with how the women would create their own marketplace by setting up their wares. I thought, ‘we can do that, too.’ And tonight my vision has come to be.”

She went on to thank everyone who had been instrumental in making the event happen (everyone there essentially, Erica said) and a special thank you to her daughters who also helped and attended. “Is Dad in the car?” Erica asked as she introduced her younger daughter who had come towards the end. We got the sense of how the family had supported Erica throughout her creating this vision.

“Instead of the Big Connect, they’ve called it the Slow Connect.” There was compassionate and knowing laughter throughout the hall.

How to See Yourself Better

November 11, 2009 in inspiration, personal development, self-care | Tags: | 3 comments

fall foliage reflected

Linda Ross and I walk at Compo Beach every Tuesday morning at 6:30am. With the recent time change the scenery has shifted. We’re hitting the shore now  just as the sun is coming up. As we rounded the bend yesterday on the Oenoke Park section of our course, we witnessed the most serene and inspiring view across the marsh.

I stopped Linda, as we are always completely engrossed in conversation and often miss the beauty around us, and pointed to the setting on the other side of the shoreline. She made a comment that touchingly captured what we were seeing and deepened my awareness of meditation and mindfulness–what I’ve been focusing on lately.

“We have to become perfectly still, just like the water, so that we can see our true beauty reflected back to us,” she said.

Ah, again. That getting quiet piece/peace. I know for some people it’s very scary to be still. They’d rather do anything than sit in silence. But the truth is, it’s hard to be reflective when you’re in the middle of the flow.

 

Mindfulness and Small Business

November 9, 2009 in Balance, lifestyle, personal development | Tags: , , | 7 comments

I took away great value from my short stay at Kripalu a couple of weeks ago, especially in the area of accepting what presently is in my life. In a 1-hour session on mindfulness with Randal Williams, I heard much to reinforce and to help deepen practices I’ve been using.

Before the recession hit, my business life was full of activities, all heading in the direction of my passion, but at such a frenetic pace I never had time to be still and evaluate what I was doing. There was so much going on that sticky issues would easily get bypassed because something new and exciting was coming to replace it.

Yes, I’ve always had my Mastermind Group to run things by, and I speak regularly to an action partner. But now there are longer gaps, quieter times and bigger questions that time has allowed to surface. Are you finding yourself with open spaces of time to mull your direction and wonder what’s next?

In Randal’s handout, he noted that ‘What helps to lift us out of our suffering is our infinite capacity to become the transcendent witness: I can see myself having this experience. This witness ability is strengthened through meditation.’

Separating myself out from the businesswoman who is experiencing pain or suffering because an outcome wasn’t just so is essential to my peace of mind and my success.When I have a phone conversation that has my heart racing I practice what I’ve been taught. Here’s an example of the self-talk conversation:

“I’m noticing that my heart is racing. I just got off of a disappointing call that wasn’t quite what I expected. Look at this. My breath is really fast and shallow now. I’m feeling constriction in my chest. And, I’m sitting here on this glorious fall day, seeing the sun shine and being aware of these sensations. Now, what was I so scared about?”

Notice the beginnings of detachment already happening? The more we can practice this mindfulness in our businesses, the happier, more serene and ultimately more successful we’ll become.

American’s #1 Fear Addressed

November 4, 2009 in personal development, women business owners | Tags: , , , | 1 comment

Anyone who has ever been to Toastmasters knows that public speaking is the #1 fear in the United States ahead of death and spiders. There’s something about getting up in front of an audience that fills us with dread.

Just last night I was coaching a collective of women and asked each to share her perspective. The first person to raise her hand said, “I’m terrified of public speaking, so I thought I’d get it over with by going first.” I hear this ALL the time.

I have the good fortune of knowing Janet Esposito, who has not only conquered her own fear of public speaking but also has written two books on the subject. We met, not surprisingly, at one of Lee Glickstein’s speaking circle workshops at least a decade ago.

Her most recent volume just came out and is available on her website.

Janet leads workshops, coaches individuals and conducts teleclasses, so there are many ways to tap into her talent and generosity of spirit in helping you overcome this paralyzing fear.

Presto-Change-O Attitude Reversal

November 2, 2009 in coaching, inspiration, persistence, personal development | Tags: | 8 comments

Maybe it was the time change or the endlessly rainy weather, but I woke up yesterday morning with a large chip on my shoulder.

I’m in a certification program for team and systems coaching and facing the me I frequently become when I’m new at something. I believe I know nothing, that the material will never penetrate my thick skull and that I should just drop out and save myself the embarrassment and pain of being kicked out. The scariest part of this me is that there’s something enjoyable about wallowing in the self-pity.

I get scared when there’s stuff I don’t know and don’t know how to find out easily. The classes meet virtually. We do have a LinkedIn page for messages, but not every member of my cohort is reading and responding to my rants at 6am Sunday morning. My questions remain unanswered for hours. A friend of mine used to refer to this as being in  ‘the place of not knowing.’ I hate it there!

Fortunately I had some place to go, so I hopped in the car about 8:30am and turned on the radio. The New York City Marathon was about to begin. Forty thousand runners were taking their places on the Verrazano Bridge in Staten Island. The announcer, describing the scene, mentioned that the wheelchair participants would be the first to begin the race. The wheelchair participants!

I got goosebumps all over my body. I began imagining what courage, stamina and persistence it must take to enter the NYC Marathon as a wheelchair athlete. Then I thought, “And I’m getting totally bent out of shape because I can’t wait one day to find out what Dimensions refer to in my coaching work.

Perspective changed. Mood lifted. Thank you, God!

A Happy Coincidence

October 30, 2009 in Balance, business planning, coaching, goal-setting, lifestyle, networking, personal development, self-care, small business | Tags: , , | 2 comments

At one of my first EWN luncheons ever I sat next to a self-employed career counselor who told me that every six weeks she took a week off from her very intense schedule. Since she was her own boss and was responsible for her calendar, it made sense that she could book her appointments and vacations to suit her needs. “You can do that?” I wondered to myself.

I have never forgotten that detail and have worked towards emulating it ever since she mentioned it close to 15 years ago. As I write this today, I am sitting in the cafe at Kripalu where I’ve just spent the last two nights on a mini-vacaction. For those of you who know Kripalu, two days feels much longer. It’s serene, low-key and unplugged. (I’m in the only wired section just for the duration of writing this entry, I promise. Oh, and checking email…)

Yesterday, after a pre-dawn gentle yoga class, breakfast and a guided hike up Olivia’s Lookout, I participated in a Sharing Circle led by Ken Nelson. I knew I wanted to attend this, not only for the opportunity to take stock of my life at the moment, but primarily because Ken is a gifted teacher. I had taken his 3-day workshop, Creating Powerful Experiential Workshops, in preparation for my retreat offerings which began several years ago. It was Ken who taught me how to structure the days, create interactivity and variety, allow for deeper trust and sharing.

Last year, just around the time of the financial meltdown, Ken and I partnered to offer a Create Your Own Future weekend experience at Kripalu. Needless to say, not many people were investing in a future that was hanging precariously in the balance globally. Now that the population has adjusted to the ‘new normal,’ and with the happy coincidence of running into Ken yesterday, we both acknowledged a desire to put our offering out again. We look forward to booking time at Kripalu for a Friday-Sunday workshop in 2010 for anyone looking to design how they want their futures to look–vacations included.