oopsI have no reason to be annoyed with my alma mater, but must’ve been yesterday if my attitude was any reflection.

There was a request for input from alumnae with experience in the area of substance abuse and recovery–one of my favorite subjects. I thought about it and sent off an email “yes, count me in!” to the email address cited in the article.

This was from my iPhone, which as you know, allows for limited keyboard dexterity.

Minutes later I received a return email with that annoying subject line: Delivery Status Notification (Failure).

“Damn,” I thought to myself. “Couldn’t the college have copy-edited the address more painstakingly? Now I’m going to have to call the alumnae office, inform them about the mistake and spend my precious time on their error.”

I’m back at my desktop computer with my mega-monitor scrolling through my inbox. Seeing that message on the big screen ow, I see that I typed in dot E-D-I instead of dot E-D-U.

As Roseanne Roseannadanna would have said, “Never mind.”

Cute puppy waiting for a call

There seem to be a lot of new normals out there these days. No matter which generation you’re viewing the enormous technological changes from, in particular, they can be disconcerting.

I was having coffee with a friend at the David Rubenstein Atrium, an indoor public space that is affiliated with Lincoln Center. Part of the area was roped off for a breakfast welcoming interns to their Lincoln Center jobs. While waiting for my friend, I watched and listened to an icebreaking exercise they were engaging in. Each attendee had received a fortune cookie-sized question which they then stood up and responded to after a brief self-introduction.

“What form of communication should people use to connect with you?” read one young intern-to-be. “Definitely texting!” she shared with the group in front of her–all 20-somethings. “If you call me, I won’t answer and I WON’T RETURN YOUR CALL,” she added emphatically.

Wow! I thought. You’ve just eliminated most baby boomers (speaking for my generation), aka your potential employers, who are uninformed and/or unaware of this unwritten communications decree. I wondered at the opportunities she may be shutting herself off from. Then again, she may not care to work for anyone say, over 40, who may not share her texting preference.

I mentioned my observation to my 30-something friend who was also surprised. Seems that under-25 is its own demographic, and even she couldn’t relate to this younger woman’s attitude. For this friend, even people five years younger were exposed to technology in a completely different way than she had been. “We didn’t have cell phones when I was in college,” which may be the trumping element at play.

There used to be rules around stuff like this. New rules are obviously being expressed, but not where I’m consuming them. Which helps the generations to remain quite separated around this huge issue: digital natives versus immigrants, like me.

Our rebellion was long hair, which my parents’ generation could NOT understand. Who cared about trying to explain it to THEM?! I get it, but am perplexed and astounded that I’m on the non-understanding part of the equation now.

Anyway, not that I’ve had my phone messages go unreturned, but this young intern’s attitude may explain an expression my peer/friend Lucy shared with me last week. “No response is the new ‘no’,” she told me. With my newly gained information today, it may be more rightfully translated as, “I don’t relate to your method of communication, so I won’t even bother trying to connect with you.”

What’s your recent experience with this?

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You!

Most often I am super-charged and invigorated by the world around me and the entrepreneurial filter through which I experience it.

When I describe my early business model of decorating eggs, what distinguished me from the multitude of other egg decorators out there (!) were the opportunities I saw in the art form.

I quickly let go of using the traditional symbols and colors of Ukrainian Easter eggs in favor of quilt and paisley patterns along with the marvelous hues aniline dyes allowed a contemporary artist vs. one reliant on natural ingredients. I was able to monetize the art by not only selling the decorative eggs, but expanding it to include jewelry, stationery items, framed photos and a book on the subject. My first paid speech was entitled, “If I Can Make a Business Out of This, You Can Make a Business Out of Anything.”

Whenever I am out and about or simply reading the daily news, I find nuggets that pertain to me and my audience. There’s a journalism expression I learned from a colleague, “Notice what you notice.” For me it’s the opportunities that life sends our way and how we handle them. I see the entrepreneurial spirit demonstrated many times a day. There is always plenty to fill these paragraphs on a regular basis.

But today I find myself nursing a cough and laryngitis and feeling better lying prone, laptop mounted on my belly, than in a desk chair. I’ve been in for a couple of days and not interacting in my typical way. So I reached out to my coaching community for help.

One of my members, Jennifer Polk, posed the question, “Where do good ideas come from?” which I immediately recognized as a universal, age-old quandary. Thank you, Jennifer!

My best tool is to close my eyes, quiet my over-active brain and let inspiration come. In this moment, it’s telling me to address another question that came out of that same request for help today. How easy was that!

Another member of my coaching program, Rita Burke, wanted my thoughts on this:

The fear that grips you when you’ve decided to do something and you remove all the noise to get ready to move forward and there it is – you and the blank canvas, the abyss, the unknown. How do you not cycle backwards, distract yourself, inevitably postponing or avoiding the very action you decided to take….

This is an easy one to answer since it comes up for me on a fairly regular basis. It also applies to every entrepreneur I know because we work alone, don’t have cubicles next to us or a water cooler or cafeteria to wander into for support. What we ALL need is support.

My solution is to pick up the phone and call another entrepreneur. I’ve identified a handful of people to whom I am not afraid to say, “I’m afraid.”

There’s something extraordinary about giving voice to our fear. Naming it, saying it out loud, describing that gripping fear this client describes is the equivalent of throwing water on the Wicked Witch of the West. It dissolves it. If you don’t believe me, you haven’t tried it. Fears shared are fears lessened. False Evidence Appearing Real is the acronym I like best to describe this gremlin.

Now, if you’re saying to yourself, no one wants to listen to my nonsense, you’re WRONG! There you go minimizing your impact on the world. Ask one person…today…if they’ll be there for you. Picking up the phone, which is much better than email, and making the human connection is empowering beyond words for both parties. If I didn’t have laryngitis, I’d insist that you call me!

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I got to tag along with my daughter Lindsey last week when she was a featured speaker at the Joe Connolly-CBS Business Breakfast in Mahwah, NJ. In my humble opinion, she was the star of the panel on “How to Use Social Media, Etc.” I was extremely proud of her as she so articulately shared her knowledge and wisdom on the use of social media, particularly LinkedIn for whom she is an ambassador. I did get my own private tutorial on the ride home, but also took notes throughout the program.

Here are some observations and tips I wanted to share:

In the words of Joe Connolly, Business Reporter for the Wall Street Journal and WCBS-AM news, “The economy is better, but not good” and “There are flashes of momentum, but it’s not consistent.”

“Relationships are based on value, whether they’re dot com, hashtag or handshake.”

He polled the audience to see what percentage were up over last year. My guesstimate was that about 15-20% of the audience of 500 raised their hands. He also asked how many are raising prices, and again, it looked like under a 20% response.

One audience member, a Virtual Assistant, shared an improvement/addition she’d made to her business–a new offering called Pick My Brain. She had been giving away too much of her time over lunches, phone conversations and scheduled meetings. By establishing this program as part of her repertoire, she’s added income and reduced annoyance. She doesn’t feel like she’s giving away the store anymore.

Lindsey gave terrific information including a LinkedIn URL for researching alums from your alma mater. Go to linkedin.com/alumni and you can find everyone who went to your college or university. When I first tried pasting that into my browser, only 400+ names appeared. Lindsey advised me to be sure to select which years I wanted to see (only my college years showed up at first). When I broadened the range to 1910-2020 over 12,000 contacts showed up. In the above screenshot, two women I know and respect popped up front and center in my search. You can spend a lot of time on this page, viewing where they are now, what expertise they have and where they work. Invaluable!

Lindsey also let us know that your About page is the second most visited on websites ranking right after your home page. It’s a place to show your personality and be more real. Her advice for getting the most impact with the least amount of time is to focus on creating ONE fabulous presence instead of trying to show up on every social media site. If you’re a designer, develop an awesome Pinterest page. If you’re job-hunting, then zero in on your LinkedIn profile. Don’t try to master all of the possible places there are. Select one and go deep there.

These events are always invigorating. Have you networked lately?

thumbs down rejection criticism

When I submitted my first chapter to the editor of my book, Decorating Eggs, I heard back from her with a brief note instructing me only to eliminate the quotation marks I was using to emphasize certain words. That was it. No critique of the writing, simply a grammatical rule to apply.

“Great,” I thought. “Everything else is perfect. Yay!” The lack of critical feedback gave me full permission to continue the process of using my own voice and to not hold back on my style.

I sent chapter after chapter to the editor with no further comments. I felt elated that I was so on track that the writing flowed out of me swiftly and easily. I felt appreciated and respected for this skill I had never previously been paid for. It was a wonderful bubble to be in, and helped me to get my book completed on time.

Imagine my surprise when, after I’d met all of my deadlines and gotten all of the chapters to the editor, I heard back from her with these words. “Now I’ll read through it all and give you my edits.”

Thank goodness I had written with the luxury of no criticism.

It almost didn’t matter what would happen next, because what I’d sent to her, week after week, was the book that I wanted to write. It’s nearly 20 years now since that experience, and what remains is a positive feeling and the continued desire to write.

Contrast that with what happened on book #2 when the publisher informed me that after all the edits and copy edits, she now wanted to add her red pencil to my words. I was ready to pull the plug when I reviewed what I considered her dumbed-down version of my Soul Proprietor.

Criticism is a powerful tool, best used judiciously and with caution. I heard that a famous editor (please share if you know who!) said that editing is like writing on the author’s skin.

When visiting the Jewish Museum to view the William Steig exhibit a few years ago, there was a memorable story posted about one of his New Yorker cover illustrations not on display. The art editor decided not to buy it, which didn’t mean it wasn’t a wonderful piece of art. Steig tore the painting in half and threw it in the trash.

That story has stayed with me as a powerful example, especially viewed from a different perspective than my own sensitive ego. Clearly the work was of the highest quality. It simply didn’t match the magazine’s need at that time. How often is your self-condemnation personal and global, rather than externalizing it with self-talk that says, “It must not be what they’re looking for right now”?

 I heard this on the radio today, then found the original post on The High Calling dot org.
Joseph and Noah McVicker invented a substance to clean wallpaper. It was soft, pliable, durable. Trouble was, no one wanted it.  And the McVickers set their invention aside.

Ten years later, the brothers heard an elementary school teacher describe how her students, with their little hands, struggled in their art projects.  Art clay was hard and unyielding. So Noah and Joseph dusted off their invention—and today we call that wallpaper cleaner Play-Doh.

This is Howard Butt, Jr., of Laity Lodge. Our world is full of ingenuity and innovations that at first solved nothing.  Maybe you have a right idea that hasn’t found the right time. Stay open. Be patient…and keep thinking…in the high calling of our daily work.

Although our higher powers have different names, the message is the same. Stay open, be patient and keep thinking.

I first received money for my artwork the summer of 1970. My co-designer, Noonie Shear, and I were encouraged by our Professor/Producer, Jim Cavanaugh, to display and sell our pen and ink drawings for patrons during the premiere season of the Mount Holyoke College Summer Theatre. Our prices ranged from $2-10 per piece, and we did brisk business.

It was a few years later that I displayed and sold my Ukrainian Easter eggs at the Pink Tent Festival in Stamford, CT.  At that time I regarded myself as a freelance artist and operated in that manner, waiting for opportunities to come to me and taking advantage of them when they did.

Then, in the late-80s, I joined the Entrepreneurial Woman’s Network (EWN) and discovered that I was actually a small business owner who had been operating in a void that EWN quickly filled.

There I began to meet other women business owners and to learn how to give an elevator pitch, set a goal, write a business plan and lead remarkable women. More important, for this entrepreneur, I learned that I had acquired knowledge that others sought and was invited to share that knowledge with my peers. That early participation on panel discussions and leading workshops for my colleagues  gave me the confidence to seek other networks and associations with whom to demonstrate my newfound expertise. And, more important, to seek out and create opportunities rather than passively wait to be asked.

Many women from EWN have become lifelong friends, trusted vendors, exceptional clients and mastermind partners. I was inspired, at numerous lunch events, by hearing other successful women share their stories and strategies for success. I’m grateful to them all.

This week we members received notice that EWN would be closing its doors. Like many institutions that have shut down in the past few years, EWN suffered from lack of volunteers willing to take leadership roles, dwindling attendance and a vastly different workforce than when it was formed 30+ years ago when it was the only show in town.

Six women began gathering for lunch back in 1982 and exchanged ideas and suggestions for how to improve their small companies. The group’s original purpose was to help one another by talking about and sharing problems. At the time, their only competition was the local Chamber of Commerce which supported small businesses with different demographics and needs.

EWN was born from the need for women to talk to and hear the voices of other women. Lucky for us they found each other and founded a network that would live to benefit so many over its 30+ years of existence. My Soul Proprietor’s Coaching Program continues to serve that need via a virtual community of women business owners.

Just last week I had the opportunity to attend at least four different women’s networking groups, each with a different focus. This broad a selection was unheard of when I started my business. EWN was there first (for me) and served its membership nobly and well.

I cherish my the relationships formed there and mourn the loss of that special niche that EWN filled.

RIP EWN.

Miriam Salpeter

Rarely do I promote someone else’s programs via my blog, but I feel strongly about Miriam Salpeter’s grasp of social media and her instructional style. I’m impressed not only with her expertise in twitter especially, but also how clear she is in communicating how to use it to build your business.

What could you accomplish with an insider’s information about how to use social media tools to achieve your goals?

If you’re looking to ramp up your social media presence, I highly recommend checking out this course offered by Miriam Salpeter. I know and trust Miriam, have personally worked with her, and I think the offer and value of this course is terrific.

Miriam’s course, “6 Steps to Social Media Success for Small Business Owners” offers two, 75-minute webinars, access to a private Facebook group for questions, and a copy of Miriam’s new book.

You can register here.

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It wasn’t until I had received three pieces of information that I made the decision to submit my writing to the Huffington Post.

1. I heard Arianna Huffington speak at the Women’s Summit back in March. I totally fell in love with her and her message. What an inspiration, talent and all-around fun person! I wrote earlier how much her talk inspired me. I didn’t mention that she gave the audience carte blanche to write to her with ideas for HuffPo. There were over a thousand people in the audience. I thought, that’s nice, but she’s really not speaking to me. (Do you ever minimize offers?)

2. A member of my Mastermind Group mentioned that she had recently heard Arianna at a different event, submitted a post that went public in short order and got over 100 ‘likes’ on Facebook.

3. My dear friend and action partner, Sandy Weiner, has been posting regularly now for HuffPo, has withstood the slings and arrows anyone in the public domain endures, and has also substantially increased her client base with HuffPo readers.

Given those three elements, I re-thought Arianna’s offer, wrote a post and submitted it last Friday.

I just received word that it’s LIVE! I’m thrilled that it was accepted and published. I hope you’ll read it, spread the word, and let me know what you thought.

Here’s the link.

closeup picture of screaming businesswoman over white

“I’m killing myself!”

“I’m going at breakneck speed.”

“I’m crazy-busy!”

I recognize that these expressions are intended to demonstrate some kind of value in the marketplace, or on the domestic scene, but from the ‘taken-out-of-context’ perspective, read what these words are expressing.

Is this really what you want in your life? Is this the message you want to be putting out there and hearing yourself say? Does it sound familiar?

Right now I’m none of the above, and I’m okay with it. I consider myself to still be in transition from the end of a marriage two years ago and relocating to New York City last fall. Although I’m one who enjoys having a full plate, I’m learning to be with the peace and open space that being “not busy” creates.

I’ll never forget meeting a woman with a cast on her foot. When I asked her what had caused the injury, she said that for weeks she’d been saying, “I need a break! I need a break!” Walking out to her mailbox one morning, she tripped on a pebble and broke her ankle.

What message are you affirming to the Universe, and is it the one you want heard?

In my spiritual fellowship, where meetings are the primary source of connection and inspiration, I’ve often heard this expression: If you’re too busy to go to meetings, you’re too busy.

Does this apply to you?

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